What do you get when you cross the Seven Dwarfs with the Four Horses of the Apocalypse?
The Seven Dwarf Horses of the Apocalypse!
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Cuddly | Don’t be fooled by his cute face and awkward demeanor. He will rip your throat out with his cute shoelaces if he had the chance. And he does have the chance. | ||
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Q-Tip | You put this in your ear, and you’re taking a one-way trip to the afterlife. He might look furry and soft, but each of his hairs represents a soul he swindled and stole from a sweet old lady. | ||
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Buckwheat | This little horsie is NOT O’tay. That’s not a mane on the back of his head; it’s a cloud of pure evil. Evil that had a bad day and needs release. He will release you from the pain of being alive. | ||
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Sourpuss | The mere sound of his disdain for you has been known to cripple. I would say ‘don’t piss him off,’ but it’s pointless because he’s already there. And you soon won’t be. ‘Sourpuss’ is the ancient Swahili word for “You’d rather be dead.” | ||
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Stumbly | Run. Now. As if you had a chance. He may stumble a bit, but for the most part, you’re dead. Chuck Norris is the only one ever to have known to ride Stumbly and live. Of course, Stumbly didn’t make it, but Chuck felt sorry for him so brought him back to life with a spare toenail and a belly laugh. | ||
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Rock | His name isn’t so much about how hard he is, or how old, or how solid, it’s what you’re going to be doing back and forth after looking at him. And then he’ll pound you into mush. Rock mush. | ||
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Mortus | A horse is a mortus, of course of course, and the corpses of mortus make a sortus of mound, a round mound of ground human fleshy parts. |
although I can’t skate worth [a crap]. I’d end up...
