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July
21
2006
3:56 am
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    Dear Mrs. Toombs,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Albert Toombs has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr.Toombs have been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally Zimbrowski,
Wal-Mart Complaint Department
 

 

Date   Complaint
June 15    Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
July 2   Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7   Made a trail of pineapple juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
July 19   Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, ‘Code 3’ in housewares….. and watched what happened.
August 4   Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.
September 14   Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
September 15   Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.
September 23   When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
October 4   Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
November 10   While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
December 3   Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
December 6   In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
December 18   Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
December 21   When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!"
December 23   Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

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