I write to you now from the heart, opening my soul to the world, prepared for whatever may come of the action. I share with you a tale of addiction, pain, grief and suffering, and of the effort of coping that inevitably follows.
If you’re not prepared for a heart-wrenching story of such immense sadness that you might expire on the spot, you should probably close your browser or feed reader now. If, on the other hand, you have a heart fashioned with a strong constitution and feel growth can come from adversity, then by all means share my story and I wish you do learn from it as I have.
Now that I’ve prepared you, and absolved myself of any responsibility or liability of whatever may befall you upon reading this confession, I suppose I should get to the matter at hand.
[pause for strength]
Yesterday was Jaden’s last day with the binky.
There. I said it. It’s out there, and I can’t take it back.
Yesterday was Jaden’s last day with the binky.
Maybe repeating it to myself will help ameliorate the anguish of this new reality. His five-year-long struggle with his personal plastic demon is now over, but it’s not like he’s happy about it. So it might not be accurate to say it’s actually over.
Jaden’s obsession with the binky started at a young age, as do most addictions.
As his body grew, so did his addiction. He cycled through several different makers, manufacturers, colors and styles of binkies. Everywhere he traveled, we made sure he had a number of binkies, even a couple of backups. He was not typically seen relaxing, sleeping, or lounging without it stuck in his mouth.
You might be thinking - how could we, as parents, neglect our child so? Didn’t we see what was happening? Did we do nothing to avert this tragedy? Well let me tell you, it’s not like we didn’t try alternatives, including human fingers, drinks, carrots, little orange plastic basketballs, self-feeding of fists, and dental floss cartridges.
None of these alternatives could abate his desires. They just weren’t the same.
Jaden is currently progressing through the 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
Stage 1: DENIAL
Dad: Jaden, it’s time to give up the binky. You’re five years old now and it’s starting to affect your teeth.
Jaden: No! (goes to get another binky from hidden place #1).
Dad: (takes away binky) Come on, Jaden, it’s time to give me all the binkies.
Jaden: No! (goes to get yet another binky from hidden place #2)
Dad: (takes away binky) Really, Jaden. You won’t be able to have your binky at school, and you don’t need it anymore.
Jaden: No! (tries to find another binky in places #3, #4, #5 and #’s 9 through 23)
Stage 2: ANGER
Jaden: Dad, you’re so mean.
Stage 3: BARGAINING
Jaden: Dad, howbout, I promise, I be good? and I will brush my teeth? can I have my binky now please? Is that a good idea?
Dad: No, Jaden, you need to give up the binky.
Jaden: How about I give mommy a flower?
Stage 4: DEPRESSION
Jaden: (stomps away to his room to sulk, after a bit of crying)
Stage 5: ACCEPTANCE
Jaden hasn’t reached this stage yet. He did end up falling asleep without the binky, but it’s only been one night so far. We’re hoping he quickly forgets his former best friend and drop the habit, as it were.
We’re hoping he triumphs over his addiction.
We’re hoping he forgives us for our steadfastness.
We’re hoping he doesn’t pick up any other habits later in life, that might also join the binky in the streets as a past bad habit.
