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Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

October
11
2007
11:10 am
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Narrator:

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blogramming* to bring you this special news bulletin.

Story:

After months of laborious study, several bribes to key officials and well-timed animal sacrifices, Wayne is now a certified astrologer.   If he didn’t have the high morals and unmatched esteem for his fellow blog colleagues, he would totally rip off the picture seen here and replace the lottery ticket with his certification plaque.  And he would add a star and moon and a couple cool zodiac symbols in the hairdo.

Details:

You read that right – I’m of the stars, for the stars, by the stars, baby!  The confirmation and certificate came in the mail just this week (click to enlarge)

ncgr level 1 certificate cover letter ncgr level 1 certificate

Oh this is so cool.  The entire package came wrapped in gold star.  If anyone wants a custom humor-laced horoscope as interpreted by me, just let me know.  At the very least, I can get you a nice colorful PDF of your natal chart, along with some of my thoughts on it.  (POST UPDATE: note that for a natal chart, you need to provide birth date, time of birth and place of birth.  If you’re not comfortable giving me this information, NOCHARTFORYOU!  I understand if you want to keep that info private.  Note also that I would never share your birth information, or even your chart or any info FROM your chart without your permission.  Unless, of course, I see in your chart that you’re gullible and naive)

You may be wondering why a technical person such as myself has an interest in astrology.  I would be wondering it too.  First, I’d have to explain that you should probably try to forget whatever it is you think astrology is, especially if you consider pop culture horoscopes in Cosmo real astrology.  Sure, it’s influenced by real astrology, but that’s like saying a fortune cookie is as good as sound financial advice from a CPA.  The astrologer by profession is more like the CPA – trained, practiced and honed in their skill.  In the case of the astrologer, the skill is chart interpretation.  It’s actually more akin to actuarial studies – the meticulous review of tons of data and finding patterns and then applying those patterns and common sense to everyday decisions.

I haven’t decided yet whether or not I’m going to pursue the other levels – hey, maybe I should look at my chart? 🙂

Question: have you ever been to an astrologer?  Would you consider seeing one?

* blogramming seemed so right a word, but then I sounded it out and it just seems offensive.  But I’m using it anyway.  Evidently I don’t care about my readers.  Either one of them.

And lo, the people did comment thus:

6 Comments

  1. sue says:

    Never seen one. Probably never will. Doesn’t mean it is a bad idea… just means I’m lazy and cheap.

  2. Dave2 says:

    GAAAHH! WITCHCRAFT!! IT’S WITCHCRAFT!!

    Time to hold a Texas BBQ and burn Wayne at the stake. Or burn Wayne into steak… even though I couldn’t have me a slice of Wayne because I’m vegetarian. Though I’m sure he’s delicious.

  3. Ren says:

    It’s witchcraft-cum-pseudoscience.

    Medium-rare, please.

  4. Sarcastica says:

    I would like a horoscope please.
    I would also like to know if my boyfriend is going to call me anytime soon. Bastard.
    I would also like to know why bread goes moldy so quickly here at my apartment, but seems to last forever at my house. Hmm.
    And where do babies come from?

  5. whall says:

    sue, lazy and cheap don’t carry the stigma they once did; now it’s just being time-conscious and efficient with one’s resources.

    Dave2, what’s a little Filwayne Mignon between friends? And you know, the theory that maybe the whole universe didn’t revolve around the earth was heresy and considered evil, too… Who knows what we’ll consider today’s ‘common sense’ in a hundred years.

    Ren, Astrology is more than meats the ribeye.

    Sarcastica, if the source of babies is not yet within your grasp, perhaps it’s better that your boyfriend not call just yet.

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