I thought I’d pose a query to the masses (I’m pretty sure the space goes between the e and the m, and not the m and the a) about a recent situation involving a question Jaden asked me and the answer I gave.
The time I spend with Jaden (5yrs old at time of writing) in the mornings, getting ready and waiting at the bus stop, is priceless. He’s so aware of everything (”look at that rabbit!”, “it’s cooler outside, Dad…”) and very appreciative of the things he sees. He also asks those questions of life that adults don’t think about so much (”why is it so dark now?” and “do you like going to work?”) and is already planning his day (”we have PE today and we’re going to play with the parachute. I love the parachute”, “Can we go bowling after school?”). Some of his comments make me wonder what the kids talk about at school (”yesterday the chocolate kid hit me”) so I perform interference and investigate a little when required.
Sometimes Jupiter waits with us, and that’s special in itself.
On occasion, Caitlin (now 13) will wait with us because she wants to get to school earlier than the bus would have her get there. Despite the extra 30 miles it puts on our car and our budget, I sometimes submit to the request. A dad’s gotta do what a dad’s gotta do.
This past week, Jaden made clear that Caitlin had gotten on his nerves. I’m not saying it’s on purpose or one is right or anything; it just happens with siblings. So one morning, Jaden just looks over and says “I don’t want Caitlin living with us any more. I don’t like her.”
Now, I *know* he doesn’t really mean it. I think he’s testing out his thought processes and, like most children, hasn’t developed his internal filter yet. Some people never do - you know who I’m talking about, probably — people who will say anything to anyone and not realize what it may come off like.
So at the time, I reassured him, and said something like “oh, you don’t really mean that. Caitlin loves you and [blahblah]” Of course, I meant the words I told him; I just don’t recall the exact words I used. But he was ok, I was ok, and all was right in the world and we could go back to our discovery of life, the bus stop and oooh, there’s a SPIDER!
Totally unrelated to the aforementioned encounter and conversation, over the two nights following this conversation, Caitlin spends the night at a friend’s house. As a result, she’s not home at all other than to pick up toothbrush, clothes, etc, so Jaden doesn’t see her.
Jaden asks the next day “where’s Caitlin?”
Now the dilemma. I wanted to say something like “Well, you said you didn’t want her living with us anymore, so she’s not here.” I want it to sink in how his words mean something, and realize how serious his wishes might be. I wouldn’t have carried it too far - I just want to teach a lesson of sorts. I can imagine his eyes getting big like “what?”. It’s like when a kid tries a cigarette and the punishment is to make him smoke 3 of them in a row so he hates it and teaches him you don’t always realize what you want - except without the nicotine, not to mention second-hand smoke I’d have to endure.
I didn’t. At the time I just said, “oh, she’s over at so-and-so’s house”. But I keep thinking about the answer I wanted to give.
What say you?
