Slap mah fro!
Avi said he unabashedly stole this “Guess the movie” idea from Dan. However, that leaves me with two questions: 1) if this is unabashedly, what would happen if he abashedly stole it? Would he still have mistakenly called Babel Fish a product of Google if there were less bashedness? 2) Why is Dan using Bable Fish instead of Babel Fish? Or did he run the phrase “Babel Fish” through the translator a couple of times as well? (I keed, I keed!)
Dan’s method was to take a film’s synopsis and put it through Babel Fish translator to convert it from English to some other foreign language, and then take that result and translate it back to English. Then people could guess which film is being described. Avi’s tweak was to use AOLer Translator instead of Babel Fish, so he could have AOL-style (for example “OMG LOL TEH MOVEI SI 3XACTLEY DA LENGTH OF A DV TAEP”) descriptions.
*My* tweak is to use my all-time favorite translator, the Dialectizer. I’ve used this tool since the mid-90’s. I’m so glad it’s still up. I’ve always loved translating things to Jive. So that’s what I’ve chosen to do with some of my favorite movies.
Your job: Guess the movie. I’ve translated the film’s synopsisses into Jive.
My job: Pay It Forward. You can win fabulous prizes just by leaving a comment on this post by Friday!
To save space, I’ve put both of these wonderful pieces in the extended entry, below.
Movie #1:
It be a distant galaxy in de far future. De year be 10191. Arrakis be a desert planet, Arrakis be de only source uh ‘Melange’ some vital drug used by de Guild Navigato’s fo’ space travel fum star system t’star system. WORD! Two rival families, De Atreides and De Harkonnens, fight fo’ control uh de minin’ opuh’shuns uh Melange on Arrakis. When his Big Daddy Duke Leto Atreides be assassinated by de evil Baron Harkonnen. ‘S coo’, bro. Duke Leto’s son Fuh’rina and Fuh’rina’s moda’ Lady Jessica flee deep into de desert and is behomey by de Fremen, natives uh Arrakis. Due t’de influence uh de ‘Melange’ Fuh’rina learns he gots special powers and he kin see into de future. Fuh’rina unites de Freman and fo’ms some army uh warrio’s and leads dem into battle against Baron Harkonnen and da damn co’rupt Empuh’o’ Padishah Shaddam IV who be in league wid de Harkonnen’s and vows t’avenge his Big Daddy and sets out t’liberate Arrakis and it’s sucka’s fum de Empuh’o'’s rule and fulfill his destiny.
Movie #2:
Sonny Malone be a talented ahteest who be dreamin’ uh fame beyond his job, which be paintin’ larga’ versions uh album covers fo’ reco’d-sto’e window advertisemints. Afta’ paintin’ some fine honky chick on an album cova’ and collidin’ wid ha’ on rolla’ skates lata’ dat day, Sonny behomeys some has-been big o’chestra mogul dojiggerd Danny McGuire. De honky chick turns out t’be some Muse who helped Danny when he wuz yunga’ and now helps Sonny and all dree jimmey up some successful and unique nightclub fum an old audito’ium featured on de album cover. Ah be baaad…
Movie #3:
In de year 3000, joker is no match fo’ de Psychlo’s, some greedy, manipulative race uh aliens on some quest fo’ ultimate profit. Man! Led by de seductive and powerful Terl, de Psychlo’s is strippin’ Eard clean uh its natural resources, usin’ de bugger’d remnants uh humanity as slaves. Whut be left uh de human race gots descended into some near primitive state, believin’ de invaders t’be demons and technology t’be evil. Afta’ humanity gots all but given down any hope uh freein’ demselves fum alien oppression, some yung joker dojiggerd Tyla’ decides t’leave his desolate crib high in de Rocky Mountains t’discova’ de trud, whereupon he be captured and enslaved. It be den dat he decides t’fight back, leadin’ his dude joker in one final struggle fo’ freedom. WORD!
Movie #4:
Jin’-Mei “June” Woo gots plum lost ha’ moder, Suyuan, t’an aneurysm. WORD! She be ax’ed by ha’ moder’s dree homeys t’snatch Suyuan’s place in deir Mah-Jong foesome and deir “[movie title]” Dis movie cuntinyou’s wid de dree remainin’ members uh de Club and deir American-bo’n daughters. Lindo and Waverly Jong began deir war upside Waverly’s childhood chess stardom and da damn effects it gots on every aspect uh Waverly’s adult life. An-Mei Hsu recounts de tragedy dat gave ha’ strengd, and wo’ries dat ha’ daughter, Rose, lacks de same determinashun. Lena St. Man! Clair tries t’care fo’ ha’ eccentric moder, while ha’ moda’ recounts some secret histo’y dat gots allowed ha’ to see mo’e deeply dan ha’ daughta’ imagines. Drough it all, June Woo tries t’piece togeda’ de sto’ies dat ha’ own moda’ can no longa’ tell, and t’be faidful t’ha’ moder’s memo’y despite deir sometimes rocky relashunship. Jes hang loose, brud.
Movie #5:
Dis movie be about some Mike dude who be to’n between his commitment t’his goathomey Jo t’stop playin’ poker, and his loyalty t’his best homey Les “Wo’m” Murphy. Slap mah fro! Wo’m gots a large gamblin’ debt and slowly convinces Mikester t’use his card playin’ skills t’help him make da damn bre’d t’pay off de debt, t’de detriment uh McDermott’s relashunship wid Jo and his law farm studies.
Movie #6:
Foe engineers wo’k fo’ some large co’po’ashun durin’ de day, and run some side business out uh Aaron’s garage at night designin’, buildin’, and sellin’ deir own electronic products. Due t’a difference uh opinion on where da damn group should go next, Aaron and Abe independently snatch t’designin’ some compact high-tempuh’ture supuh’conducto’. Abe and Aaron confirm dat dey gots accidentally created some time machine afta’ dey test da damn device on deir watches. Dey immediately cut Leroy and Phillip out uh de group by claimin’ dat da damn garage gots’ta be fumigated. De device be unlikes some tradishunally envisioned time machine; it kin only “travel” back t’its turn-on time, and da damn usa’ gots’ta spend as much time in de machine as he wantsa go back. Ya’ know? Dey fust use deir machines t’succeed in de stock market, but as dey begin t’’splo’e how de machine kin allow dem t’alta’ not only deir sucka’al lifestyles but how dey is puh’ceived by de sucka’s around dem, edical and philosophical dilemmas soon ensue regardin’ de applicashuns and dangers uh de machine. De film ‘esplo’es different individuals’ reacshuns t’de powa’ of fo’eknowledge, de temptashun uh co’rectin’ de smallest detail uh one’s life and da damn ramificashuns uh dat abuse uh powa’ as it inevitably creates side effects on some larga’ and unfo’eseen scale. De two characters become engaged in de increasin’ly complex nature uh alternate realities, dat is referred t’in de movie dough not ‘esplained. Dere is nine timelines in total, generated by trips snatchn by de various characters, and many tempo’al paradoxes, such as de predestinashun paradox. Slap mah fro!
Pay It Forward
Oh, and the Pay It Forward thingy. I have decided to accept my winnings. An obligation that goes along with that is to Pay It Forward. As usual, I can’t just do something else does and be done with it. I have to tweak it a little. I have to Waynerize it. It has to be whallified. I have selected this post to be my Pay It Forward Payback Post.
The general rules, as I have heard them, are that I should select certain people who comment on this post and send them something. Some people choose the first three commenters, and some people choose at random. Some send a handmade item, while others buy something or send something they already have onhand.
I don’t want to choose the first three commenters, because then why would someone comment after someone else won? Also, I don’t want to choose random numbers beforehand, because what if there aren’t that many, or that there are so many? Do people think I probably wouldn’t choose a number higher than 27, so if there are 26 comments, they won’t bother? So I’ve come up with a completely unique and whallified way of choosing who wins.
Comment selection - a Celestial twist
People are encouraged to comment on this post until 2/8/08, Friday night, midnight CST. The following is astrological mumbo-jumbo and reading it will probably cause your eyes to cross and an eyebrow to raise in suspicion. However, I figure I should let the Universe help me decide who the winners are.
I will cast a horary chart sometime over the weekend, asking which three commenters (not comment numbers) should win. Multiple comments count as one. I will be using numerology on the commenter name you supply to determine your base number, and then I will sort commenters by their base number, using alphabetical order as a tie-breaker. The chart wheel will be evenly divided up into the total number of commenters and become virtual houses. The first winner will be house the chart ruler is in (the ruler of the ascendant), the second winner will be the house MY chart ruler is in (Sagittarius/Jupiter) and the third winner will be the house where the ruler of the 3rd house is (communication, given that this is a blog, after all.) If none of this makes any sense to you, good. I will explain it in detail when I announce the winners. Just rest assured that this is pretty random, you can’t cheat and I won’t cheat.
If you want to leave a comment but NOT be considered for selection, you may opt-out or you can proxy your vote for your someone else (ooh, another Waynerized tweak!). Just indicate as such in the comment.
Prizes up for grabs
First winner will get a Calvin and Hobbes comic book. I have several on-hand, and Calvin and Hobbes is my all-time favorite comic. It won’t necessarily be this specific book, but it will be one of them. I love these books!
The second winner will get a Dilbert comic book. I also have several of these, and while Dilbert has been replaced by Pearls Before Swine as my 2nd favorite comic, I’ve been a Dilbert fan for a very long time. Like above, so below. You won’t get this specific book, but one from my large collection.
The third winner will get a Pearls Before Swine book. To me, this is the top prize. Calvin and Hobbes is my all-time favorite comic, and Dilbert a close runner-up, but Pearls Before Swine is my current favorite. You should probably go to isnoop and get it sent to you in email every day. Go and buy some books for yourself. Visit them online. It’s a great comic.
So guess the movies, leave a comment, pass the time and see if you win. Tell your friends!
