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Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

Slap mah fro!

Avi said he unabashedly stole this “Guess the movie” idea from Dan.  However, that leaves me with two questions: 1) if this is unabashedly, what would happen if he abashedly stole it?  Would he still have mistakenly called Babel Fish a product of Google if there were less bashedness? 2) Why is Dan using Bable Fish instead of Babel Fish?  Or did he run the phrase “Babel Fish” through the translator a couple of times as well? (I keed, I keed!)

Dan’s method was to take a film’s synopsis and put it through Babel Fish translator to convert it from English to some other foreign language, and then take that result and translate it back to English.  Then people could guess which film is being described.  Avi’s tweak was to use AOLer Translator instead of Babel Fish, so he could have AOL-style (for example “OMG LOL TEH MOVEI SI 3XACTLEY DA LENGTH OF A DV TAEP”)  descriptions.

*My* tweak  is to use my all-time favorite translator, the Dialectizer.  I’ve used this tool since the mid-90’s.  I’m so glad it’s still up.  I’ve always loved translating things to Jive.  So that’s what I’ve chosen to do with some of my favorite movies.

Your job: Guess the movie.  I’ve translated the film’s synopsisses into Jive. 
My job: Pay It Forward.  You can win fabulous prizes just by leaving a comment on this post by Friday! 

To save space, I’ve put both of these wonderful pieces in the extended entry, below.

Movie #1:

It be a distant galaxy in de far future. De year be 10191. Arrakis be a desert planet, Arrakis be de only source uh ‘Melange’ some vital drug used by de Guild Navigato’s fo’ space travel fum star system t’star system. WORD! Two rival families, De Atreides and De Harkonnens, fight fo’ control uh de minin’ opuh’shuns uh Melange on Arrakis. When his Big Daddy Duke Leto Atreides be assassinated by de evil Baron Harkonnen. ‘S coo’, bro. Duke Leto’s son Fuh’rina and Fuh’rina’s moda’ Lady Jessica flee deep into de desert and is behomey by de Fremen, natives uh Arrakis. Due t’de influence uh de ‘Melange’ Fuh’rina learns he gots special powers and he kin see into de future. Fuh’rina unites de Freman and fo’ms some army uh warrio’s and leads dem into battle against Baron Harkonnen and da damn co’rupt Empuh’o’ Padishah Shaddam IV who be in league wid de Harkonnen’s and vows t’avenge his Big Daddy and sets out t’liberate Arrakis and it’s sucka’s fum de Empuh’o”s rule and fulfill his destiny.

Movie #2:

Sonny Malone be a talented ahteest who be dreamin’ uh fame beyond his job, which be paintin’ larga’ versions uh album covers fo’ reco’d-sto’e window advertisemints. Afta’ paintin’ some fine honky chick on an album cova’ and collidin’ wid ha’ on rolla’ skates lata’ dat day, Sonny behomeys some has-been big o’chestra mogul dojiggerd Danny McGuire. De honky chick turns out t’be some Muse who helped Danny when he wuz yunga’ and now helps Sonny and all dree jimmey up some successful and unique nightclub fum an old audito’ium featured on de album cover. Ah be baaad…

Movie #3:

In de year 3000, joker is no match fo’ de Psychlo’s, some greedy, manipulative race uh aliens on some quest fo’ ultimate profit. Man! Led by de seductive and powerful Terl, de Psychlo’s is strippin’ Eard clean uh its natural resources, usin’ de bugger’d remnants uh humanity as slaves. Whut be left uh de human race gots descended into some near primitive state, believin’ de invaders t’be demons and technology t’be evil. Afta’ humanity gots all but given down any hope uh freein’ demselves fum alien oppression, some yung joker dojiggerd Tyla’ decides t’leave his desolate crib high in de Rocky Mountains t’discova’ de trud, whereupon he be captured and enslaved. It be den dat he decides t’fight back, leadin’ his dude joker in one final struggle fo’ freedom. WORD!

Movie #4:

Jin’-Mei “June” Woo gots plum lost ha’ moder, Suyuan, t’an aneurysm. WORD! She be ax’ed by ha’ moder’s dree homeys t’snatch Suyuan’s place in deir Mah-Jong foesome and deir “[movie title]”  Dis movie cuntinyou’s wid de dree remainin’ members uh de Club and deir American-bo’n daughters. Lindo and Waverly Jong began deir war upside Waverly’s childhood chess stardom and da damn effects it gots on every aspect uh Waverly’s adult life. An-Mei Hsu recounts de tragedy dat gave ha’ strengd, and wo’ries dat ha’ daughter, Rose, lacks de same determinashun. Lena St. Man! Clair tries t’care fo’ ha’ eccentric moder, while ha’ moda’ recounts some secret histo’y dat gots allowed ha’ to see mo’e deeply dan ha’ daughta’ imagines. Drough it all, June Woo tries t’piece togeda’ de sto’ies dat ha’ own moda’ can no longa’ tell, and t’be faidful t’ha’ moder’s memo’y despite deir sometimes rocky relashunship. Jes hang loose, brud.

Movie #5:

Dis movie be about some Mike dude who be to’n between his commitment t’his goathomey Jo t’stop playin’ poker, and his loyalty t’his best homey Les “Wo’m” Murphy. Slap mah fro! Wo’m gots a large gamblin’ debt and slowly convinces Mikester t’use his card playin’ skills t’help him make da damn bre’d t’pay off de debt, t’de detriment uh McDermott’s relashunship wid Jo and his law farm studies.

Movie #6:

Foe engineers wo’k fo’ some large co’po’ashun durin’ de day, and run some side business out uh Aaron’s garage at night designin’, buildin’, and sellin’ deir own electronic products. Due t’a difference uh opinion on where da damn group should go next, Aaron and Abe independently snatch t’designin’ some compact high-tempuh’ture supuh’conducto’. Abe and Aaron confirm dat dey gots accidentally created some time machine afta’ dey test da damn device on deir watches. Dey immediately cut Leroy and Phillip out uh de group by claimin’ dat da damn garage gots’ta be fumigated. De device be unlikes some tradishunally envisioned time machine; it kin only “travel” back t’its turn-on time, and da damn usa’ gots’ta spend as much time in de machine as he wantsa go back. Ya’ know? Dey fust use deir machines t’succeed in de stock market, but as dey begin t”splo’e how de machine kin allow dem t’alta’ not only deir sucka’al lifestyles but how dey is puh’ceived by de sucka’s around dem, edical and philosophical dilemmas soon ensue regardin’ de applicashuns and dangers uh de machine. De film ‘esplo’es different individuals’ reacshuns t’de powa’ of fo’eknowledge, de temptashun uh co’rectin’ de smallest detail uh one’s life and da damn ramificashuns uh dat abuse uh powa’ as it inevitably creates side effects on some larga’ and unfo’eseen scale. De two characters become engaged in de increasin’ly complex nature uh alternate realities, dat is referred t’in de movie dough not ‘esplained. Dere is nine timelines in total, generated by trips snatchn by de various characters, and many tempo’al paradoxes, such as de predestinashun paradox. Slap mah fro!

Pay It Forward 

Oh, and the Pay It Forward thingy.  I have decided to accept my winnings.  An obligation that goes along with that is to Pay It Forward.  As usual, I can’t just do something else does and be done with it.  I have to tweak it a little.  I have to Waynerize it.  It has to be whallified.  I have selected this post to be my Pay It Forward Payback Post.

The general rules, as I have heard them, are that I should select certain people who comment on this post and send them something.  Some people choose the first three commenters, and some people choose at random.  Some send a handmade item, while others buy something or send something they already have onhand

I don’t want to choose the first three commenters, because then why would someone comment after someone else won?  Also, I don’t want to choose random numbers beforehand, because what if there aren’t that many, or that there are so many?  Do people think I probably wouldn’t choose a number higher than 27, so if there are 26 comments, they won’t bother?  So I’ve come up with a completely unique and whallified way of choosing who wins.

Comment selection – a Celestial twist

People are encouraged to comment on this post until 2/8/08, Friday night, midnight CST.  The following is astrological mumbo-jumbo and reading it will probably cause your eyes to cross and an eyebrow to raise in suspicion.   However, I figure I should let the Universe help me decide who the winners are.

I will cast a horary chart sometime over the weekend, asking which three commenters (not comment numbers) should win.  Multiple comments count as one.  I will be using numerology on the commenter name you supply to determine your base number, and then I will sort commenters by their base number, using alphabetical order as a tie-breaker.   The chart wheel will be evenly divided up into the total number of commenters and become virtual houses.  The first winner will be house the chart ruler is in (the ruler of the ascendant), the second winner will be the house MY chart ruler is in (Sagittarius/Jupiter) and the third winner will be the house where the ruler of the 3rd house is (communication, given that this is a blog, after all.)  If none of this makes any sense to you, good.  I will explain it in detail when I announce the winners.  Just rest assured that this is pretty random, you can’t cheat and I won’t cheat.

If you want to leave a comment but NOT be considered for selection, you may opt-out or you can proxy your vote for your someone else (ooh, another Waynerized tweak!).  Just indicate as such in the comment.

Prizes up for grabs

First winner will get a Calvin and Hobbes comic book.  I have several on-hand, and Calvin and Hobbes is my all-time favorite comic.  It won’t necessarily be this specific book, but it will be one of them.  I love these books!

Pay It Forward prize #1 - calvin and hobbes book

The second winner will get a Dilbert comic book.  I also have several of these, and while Dilbert has been replaced by Pearls Before Swine as my 2nd favorite comic, I’ve been a Dilbert fan for a very long time.  Like above, so below.  You won’t get this specific book, but one from my large collection.

Pay It Forward Prize #2: Dilbert book

The third winner will get a Pearls Before Swine book.  To me, this is the top prize.  Calvin and Hobbes is my all-time favorite comic, and Dilbert a close runner-up, but Pearls Before Swine is my current favorite.  You should probably go to isnoop and get it sent to you in email every day.  Go and buy some books for yourselfVisit them online.  It’s a great comic.

Pay It Forward Prize #3: Pearls before swine book 

So guess the movies, leave a comment, pass the time and see if you win.  Tell your friends!

And lo, the people did comment thus:

24 Comments

  1. Dave2 says:

    1) Pretty Woman.
    2) Peter Pan.
    2) Helter Skelter.
    3) Beaches.
    4) Alien.
    5) Beverly Hills Cop 2.
    6) Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

    Do I need to like email you my address or something so you can send me my prizes?

  2. Avitable says:

    I’m not up for Pay it Forward, but here are my guesses:

    1. Dune
    2. Xanadu
    3. Battlefield Earth?
    4.
    5. Rounders
    6.

  3. Poppy says:

    You made the movies HARD! Nice job!

    I had something else to say but it confused me that Dave2 and Avi have such wildly different answers that I’m wondering if Dave2 is being a smartass.

    (Grin.)

  4. Ren says:

    (Answers Rot13-d to avoid spoiling the fun for others in case any of them are correct.)
    1) Qhar
    2) Knanqh
    3) Onggyrsvryq Rnegu
    4) ?
    5) Ebhaqref
    6) Cevzre

  5. Ren says:

    IMDB tells me that #4 is (Rot13, again): Gur Wbl Yhpx Pyho

  6. Ren says:

    Oh, and no Pay-It-Forward for me.

  7. Absurdist says:

    I can’t vote because you won my PIF. But, I am excited to know about dialectizer. I have been using altavista’s babel fish forever. I didn’t even know there were other online translators out there.

  8. Christine says:

    I don’t even know what ya’ll are talking about!!

  9. whall says:

    Dave2, holy cow, not only do you win, but you win double because you were right on #2 twice! Wait, #3 was wrong – it was really “Reefer Madness” – thanx for trying, tho! 🙂

    Avi, lemme guess – you liked “De honkey chick” Sonny Malone was after too?

    Poppy, I think I might turn into a uber-liberal and say competition is wrong, and we’ll just say they’re *both* right. The concept of failure would be too hard for them to cope with and we don’t want to mess with their fragile self-esteems. We all know they could fall into a weeping heap of blog fodder if we didn’t support them.

    Ren, good idea on the ROT13. I shoudla realized from seeing other’s posts that the comments give away the answers, but it’s not like the contest is who can get the right answers. And I don’t even have to re-rot13 to see your answers are correct, both by word length and character placement.

    Since no PIF for you, maybe I should just return your Piers Anthony books tonight at pool. win-win!

    Absurdist, I think you should still be eligible. So unless you tell me a SECOND time that you want to recuse yourself, I will keep you as a candidate.

    Christine, I emailed you under separate cover. But just to mix it up even more, I took another movie synopsis and ran it through the translator several times – English to French to Italian to Japanese to English. That should really screw things up.

    Without the stand of enormous investigation of the hunter of the treasure for the diamond. The varnish of the beautiful woman where that rose the diamond which connects that to Dawson with the door is found, expectation of the old woman 1 of the things which are the woman of the varnish. The that is the history of the washbasin of enormous. She was the girl of 17 years when, and you say that it goes down with love from of the human jack Dawson which, is bad and was called. That, the rear return to New York and, “the insubmersible boat” is last in order to grind and being about the last time of enormous you describe, the travelling of Southhempton, time.

  10. Christine says:

    I finally finished reading the whole blog and I think you picked a fair way to award prizes. Way to go Jer!

  11. Christine says:

    Titanic, I cheated.

  12. sourpuss says:

    I love that you “Waynerize” stuff. And I love that you call it “Waynerization”. Heh.

    1. Dune
    2. Xanadu
    3. Battlefield Earth (just saw it recently)
    4. Joy Luck Club
    5. Rounders
    6. ??? No idea but it sounds really cool!

    I think your prizes for PiF are super-duper! Calvin & Hobbes has always been a favourite of mine, Dilbert just rocks because it’s exactly like my current workplace, and I lost interest in Pearls Before Swine about a year ago but those damn Zeeba-eatin’ neighbours got me hooked again. They’re my favourtie characters in that strip right now.

    That said, please exclude me from your selection process for PiF. Good luck to everyone else!

  13. Christine says:

    I am so sorry, but I just CAN’T call you Wayne. And I still have no clue about any of the movies, except, I can not stop laughing long enough to finish one to be able to concentrate. Guess it is a blonde thing.

  14. whall says:

    Christine said…

    I’s gots’ta be so’s so’ry, but ah’ plum CAN’T call ya’ Wayne. And ah’ still gots no clue about any uh de movies, ‘sept, ah’ can not stop laughin’ long enough t’finish one t’be able t’concentrate. Guess it be a blonde doodad.

    Yeahs, I knows whatcha sayin’

    Actually, now I’m thinking that someone should write a WordPress Jive plugin so that people can turn Jive “on” and “off” for comments, posts, etc…

    And for the rest of you wondering what’s going on with the names, my first name is Jeremy, so my immediate family knows me as Jeremy. People who I know through my immediate family, such as Christine, have always known me as Jeremy instead of Wayne. So for all you’s family folk, I’ll have to jerrize and jerrify everything.

    sourpuss, For me, it’s Pig. Holy cow (no pun intended) the writer is brilliant with Pig and Rat.
    Rat to Pig: “If you could have a conversation with one person, living or dead, who would it be?”

    Pig: “The living one.” (Pause.) “You must think I’m really stupid.”

  15. Hilly says:

    Uh what Dave said.

    (he was the winner, right?)

  16. Raganator says:

    Way too hard for me.

    Only one I got was Titanic.

  17. David says:

    I did some digging and I’m sad to say that the T’inator site seems to be offline. It would translate a web page into Mr T’s dialect. I pity the fool who doesn’t get this site back online!

    1. Give me the spice, Fool!
    2. You wont be gettin me to sing no jibber-jabber on no roller skates, Sucker!
    3. I will snap John Travolta’s Fool neck for trying to enslave T.
    4. Drink your milk, treat your Mother right and the Mahjong tiles will take care of themselves.
    5. You got a choice, Fool…you either fold or you hurt!
    6. You’re not going to get me on no plane or no time machine, Sucka.

    I will not “Pay it Forward”, Fool!

  18. whall says:

    Hilly, Dave is “the” winner. Matters not what the contest is.

    Raganator, how did you get Titanic!?!?!? I thought the only thing recognizable from that Jive was “Jack Dawson” but I wouldn’t have remembered that name myself.

    David, you get a prize for most creative answer. Here’s your prize: I found the site!
    mr T archive
    Ha ha, just kidding. But I did look up when that site was active, and it seems it disappeared in late 2003:
    mr T archive
    And there was much sadness in the world.

  19. Mason Parker says:

    once a week i use a roller skate as my exercise ‘:~

  20. roller skating is my sport, this sport is very enjoyable and is a form of exercise too,..

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