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Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

Two weeks ago, I was walking Luna like normal in the morning.  I usually walk about 1.25 miles (according to the “Distance Measurement Tool” I found on Google Maps)

For your convenience, I’ve marked with yellow all the places Luna marked with yellow.

On this given day, I notice half-way through that there’s a tipped over garbage can, a good half mile away from any houses.  It was half-empty and just on the side of the road.  I thought that was odd.

Later in the day I find out one of our trash cans is missing.  Gone.

Then later I find out other neighbor’s trash cans are missing.  After checking with our trash pickup provider, they said that several cans were reported missing in the area.

Combine this with multiple occasions where we’ve found all the mailboxes on the street opened up at the same time (as in, the mailbox doors are just sitting wide open and no mail inside), I’ve come to the belief that our neighborhood has been targeted by identity thieves.  This has only happened the night before our weekly trash pick-up day.

So my poll to the Internet is thus: what do you think my reaction should be?

  1. Super-passive: not do a thing and try to understand why someone would steal my identity.
  2. Semi-passive: not do a thing and hope the problem goes away.
  3. Self-protective: start shredding my documents, and only put trash can out the morning of trash day instead of night before.
  4. Semi-aggressive: report the violation and seek updates.
  5. Pranksterish: put something really nasty in my trash so the people going through it go “ick!” and decide on new course in life.
  6. Semi-evil: put something dangerous in my trash so the people going through it go “Gah!” and die.
  7. Evil: Put trash out night before, then sit and wait on my property with a shotgun and be prepared to eliminate the problem
And lo, the people did comment thus:

24 Comments

  1. sizzle says:

    I’d go with a mix of pranksterish and self-protective.

    sizzles last blog post..Living The Life

  2. Tug says:

    Do #’s 3 through 7. I was an ‘attempted’ victim at one time (joke was on them – I had nothing & now I watch it like a hawk), and it’s NOT fun. Be very pro-active…and much luck!

    Love the yellow – thanks for that. 😉

    Tugs last blog post..Park Bench

  3. Avitable says:

    Evil!

    Avitables last blog post..Myocardial Infraction

  4. Janna says:

    Ooooh! Ok, let’s see… shred stuff, put out trash in the morning instead of the evening, fill the trash with used maxi-pads and dog crap, and maybe some shrapnel contaminated with anthrax.
    The gun thing also has possibilities. Just shoot them in the ankle first, in hopes that they’ll land face down in the dog crap and anthrax. And maxi pads. And shrapnel.
    I can’t wait to see this in the news.

    Jannas last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  5. Michelle says:

    All of the above AND put out a neighborhood flier telling everyone what you suspect and let them all sit back and praise you for your kindness. ;o)

    Michelles last blog post..

  6. Poppy says:

    4. HARD 4. Do 4. Not kidding. 4, 4, 4. And get a freeze on your credit report.

  7. Dragon says:

    My first reaction is to go EVIL on their asses. The practical side of me would do options 3 and 4. This is serious stuff, dude.

    Who knows, maybe you have big big big racoons in your neighbourhood. I could happen.

    Dragons last blog post..Creamy Herb Pasta with Cheddar & Goat Cheese

  8. martymankins says:

    While as much as I know you would love to do #7, I think #3 is the best option until identity is actually stolen.

    The “ick” part though would be tempting for me. If you do that, you got to make it part of a DITL.

    The closest I’ve had to having my identity stolen was in late 2006. I had shredded some old checks and put them in the recycle bin. Three weeks later, I get a notice from the bank. Someone had taken my shredded checks and tried to get $2,500. My bank dealt with it all very well and helped out. We never caught who it was, but I know someone went through the bin looking for stuff.

    The issue was how the checks were shredded. The routing number of the check went through un-touched. We ended up buying a shredding that does the criss-cross method. I’ve since shredded other checks and haven’t had an issue since, even though I know someone still goes through the recycle bin every so often (it’s been obvious at times)

    martymankinss last blog post..Scooter Sunday #12

  9. Miss Britt says:

    I was going to say 3, but Poppy says 4. And she kind of knows her shit on this stuff.

  10. Poppy says:

    I like to instill fear in my fellow Man.

    3 works too, but if you have that gut feeling that someone’s actively targeting you then why bother waiting for the theft to be confirmed by having your bank account wiped out?

  11. Ren says:

    If you can get a police report you should be able to freeze all three of your credit reports for free.

    Rens last blog post..$101.25

  12. Poppy says:

    Check your state laws, some allow you to freeze without incident / for free.

    http://www.consumersunion.org/campaigns/learn_more/003484indiv.html

    (Wah, you have to pay $10 to freeze, $12/creditor to unfreeze if you’re not a victim of ID theft already.)

  13. Absurdist says:

    I would start shredding, but I would also be super evil. But that’s just me.

  14. Absurdist says:

    Oh, super-evil is actually shooting them for being on your property. Not just scaring them with the shotgun.

    I’m serious. It’s Texas. Turn them around and make sure you shoot them from the front. Then drag them closer to the house.

    Absurdists last blog post..National Brotherhood Week

  15. I say do Self-Protected, followed promptly by Evil…but first, get a video camera, so you can get evidence of it happening to other neighbors, and have your cell phone on you so you can call the cops and hand over a copy of the evidence to get those jerks thrown in jail.

    Cissa Firehearts last blog post..Dodio-doe, there’ll be no nose job, Said dodio-doe, no nose job (smarter than that)

  16. Robin says:

    I like #5. It’s fun, evil and you don’t go to jail.

  17. sourpuss says:

    EVIL! GO EVIL!

    sourpusss last blog post..I wouldn’t pay a penny for them.

  18. Janna says:

    So, have you shot anyone yet?
    I keep watching the news, waiting to hear about some weirdo who was guarding his trash….

    BTW, I just realized today that, for some freakazoid reason, you’re not in my blogroll. Bizarre. I coulda SWORN I had you in there. But no. So I went in and added you. You’re now in the blogroll for all three of my blogs.
    Don’t you feel special now?

    Time to re-load!

    Jannas last blog post..I love Canada! No, really!

  19. Winter says:

    Any of the last 3 work for me. But I would check my credit report.

    Winters last blog post..Can Vampires Be Gay?

  20. Wayne says:

    definately do #3. I shred EVERYTHING!
    And although # 6 & 7 is probably what would really like to do, I think it would kinda end bad for you, but #5, now that could be fun, especially if you film it with a remote camera!

  21. whall says:

    sizzle, that’s probably what I’d be most comfortable doing – I’m not that evil at heart. That evil.

    Tug, how long ago was your attempt? Seems identity theft is en vogue now but was rare in the past. Were you a pioneer?

    Avitable, wel if Avi says so…

    Janna, seems I’ve misplaced my Anthrax. Oh what is a concerned citizen to do?

    Michelle, That assumes we *have* a neighborhood. I’d say in the 2 square miles around us, there are maybe 6 households. I might as well just yell out at them when walking the dog.

    Poppy, I’ve had a credit manager service for about 4 years now, so I feel pretty safe. About the only think I don’t have is LifeLock or whatever but I do like the alerts I get.

    Dragon, There are also some pranksterish kids not too far away, so maybe it’s them. “Let’s go freak a few old folks out – let’s steal their trash and open their mailboxes. heh heh heh” That’s all fine and good as long as next time when they say that sentence, they end it with “Well, except Mr Hall down that street. He’s a crazy mo**** *******.” “Yeah, remember what happened to Andy?” “That’s ****** up, dude.”

    martymankins, Wow, that’s a lot of work. The cross-shredders are more expensive but well worth it.

    Miss Britt, I was hoping Poppy would give me more vigilante goodness, but all I got was this stupid tshirt.

    Poppy, I think it was our neighborhood that was targeted, not me specifically. And I shred anyway (I think I failed to mention that). And just to piss some people off, I’ve had the habit for a couple of years now to tear documents in half and shred them separately, like literally in different trash bags. I recently got a cross shredder and don’t go to that trouble anymore, but I’m just careful like that.

    Ren, I haven’t looked into freezing of a credit report – do I want to do that? I already shred; I have credit monitoring.

    Poppy, thanx for the public consumerism, Poppy!

    Absurdist, I bet you could help me come up with many good ways to be evil. Give me a call and let’s discuss. Maybe you can help when you’re in town. Over lunch we can decide how best to ruin some trash theif’s day!

    Cissa, You sound sensible. Why are you here again?

    Robin, Everyone’s identifying them by number and I coulda swore I numbered them instead of bulleted them but they’re showing up bulleted to me. I think I’ll edit it to be bulleted.

    I think I also need to edit the thieves to be bulleted, now that I think about it.

    hmm, after going back to edit, I discover that I *did* set it to be numbered. Why is it showing up bulleted instead of numbered in my browser? Maybe someone’s stolen my blog identity! Oh NOES! I check view source and it has “ol” for the tag, which is ordered list… maybe it’s an IE7 thing. Oh wells.

    sourpuss, I am thinking of sitting and waiting, but maybe I’ll have something else planned than just a shotgun. I gotta think about this one.

    Janna, nope, no activity yet. It hasn’t been trash day yet. Because the perps might read my blog (arrogant comedian mode ON) I don’t want them to get the idea that I’m onto them. You remind me that I do not have a blogroll published. I need to find a decent way to have a SFW and a NSFW list. Or maybe I’m just worried that it would be NSFF.

    Winter, consider it checked. monthly. with email alerts. For under $100 a year.

    Wayne, You just gave me a great idea. I should embed a camera IN THE TRASH. A camera with a GPS device. Oooh, but it has to look valuable. I KNOW! One of those new iPhone doo-dads! Then I should publish my address to attract the thieves! Thanks Wayne!

  22. Poppy says:

    …and what happens if LifeLock, etc gets compromised? I see no point in having those protection services. Ok, so they have to give you money back, but you credit STILL gets fucked up.

    Poppys last blog post..10 things about Poppy

  23. Poppy says:

    (And I totally didn’t mean to swear in your comments. SORRY! I even tried to close the window before it finished reloading.)

    Poppys last blog post..10 things about Poppy

  24. Tug says:

    I don’t know that I was a pioneer really…it was 2003-ish. The weird thing was the company that called & notified me about someone trying to use my ID called me at work. They said “we found you through your parents in MT”…my parents had not lived in MT for years. It was all very weird, but then they gave me all the credit bureau info to check my credit ratings and the info to file a complaint…

    Tugs last blog post..Necklace

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