Happy

There are many things that cause happiness to swell inside me.  Here is one of those things:

Dave from Blogography is going to have an Austin Event!  Now I gotta get prepared.  My list so far includes, in no particular order:

• a ton of butter
• pulled pork
• good supply of Pez Candy
• Golden Oreos
• A trip to our local Apple store (yes, Austin has one!)
• Coke w/Lime
• Lego Star Wars I & II
• Finding the nearest Johnny Rockets
• Suggesting potential meeting spots: The Oasis, Iguana Grill, Eddie V’s, Freda’s seafood grill, Baby A’s, Hula Hut, Trudy’s
• A special “proselyte to Wayne about Macintosh” session
• Making sure my camera is fixed by then so I can do a special DITL (”Dave In The Life”)
• Obtain a Psychlo uniform so I can dress up as Terl (as played by John Travolta) in Battlefield Earth.

Not Happy

Then there are the things that DO NOT cause me to swell up with happiness.

One of those things are insane required sexual harassment courses that assume everyone reads at a 3rd grade level

The thing is blinking in red at me and YELLING (do you see the exclamation mark, or is that just my imagination?) to slow down because I took 56 minutes doing what would be optimal to do in 60 minutes.

So us speed readers end up writing blog entries on the side in between slides. This causes me to appear more “normal” to the training-bot.

Whew. 

Question: why doesn’t it berate me for being SLOWER than Optimal?  Why are the overachievers the only one who get the negative feedback?

Someday it’s going to use the embedded camera in the computer and notice me rolling my eyes, yawning and calling my coworkers my beyotch (especially the HOT chick down the hall) and then flash a picture of some nice boobs at me, and the camera will notice my eyes looking at the picture, and then automatically file a complaint electronically.  Isn’t technology grand?

You had me at a ton of butter. I grill a mean pork. Maybe a visit Austin is in order. Oh yeah, I’ll bring the rosemary baguette.

Dragons last blog post..Fire & Rosemary Spiced Nuts

I failed my SH CBT at PV but I refused to take it and pass because I disagreed with the “correct” answers. I wasn’t all that popular about that.

And for the love of GOD, please do not serve him pulled pork. That has NOT, and NEVER WILL BE Texas BBQ. That is a TN thing, and it’s horrible.

Absurdists last blog post..Aged Tires: A Driving Hazard?

After Davestin, you need to start planning your November 1st trip to Orlando.

Avitables last blog post..So. Exhausted.

My comment has to be G rated when you mentioned boobs in the post?

I probably read it too fast also.

Marilyns last blog post..Can you tell I don’t have anything to say?

I would pay some serious money to watch Dave eat some meat … any sort of meat. I think you could better bribe him with tequila and pepperoni though.
Just a thought.

Overachievers have it rough. *sigh*

Miss Britts last blog post..How NOT To Communicate With Your Partner In The Bedroom…

I desperately want a New England event, I’d throw it but then I wouldn’t be able to get completely drunk and pass out.

Robins last blog post..Some Friday Feelings

I think if all you had was Coke With Lime (not the diet version) and making sure Johnny Rockets has an ample supply of Streamliner burgers, Dave will be one happy camper.

And if technology gets so smart that I knows what I’m looking at (retina scanning), I’ll find a way to block it all (deflecting sunglasses)

martymankinss last blog post..It’s Me, Over There

Damn sexual harassment courses. That shit isn’t necessary. As long as you don’t fondle women’s tits openly, like at the cafeteria, it’s not an issue.

Karls last blog post..“It was the kind of place that made you think that you were right back in the summer of love.”

Didn’t Terl have tubes that drained snot out of his nose or something? Seeing pictures of that… just one of many reasons I did not see the movie.

dmarkss last blog post..This is the first time I’ve seen a movie

Hey, if you’re happy… I’m happy!

Dave2s last blog post..Wrong!

You will have so much fun with Dave! Pulled pork is yummy but don’t feed it to Dave. Heh. Oh, and I love finishing stuff way ahead of time… The HR manager gives me all the tests they think about giving new employees. I always get them all right and finish quickly. Then she gives the test to one of the VPs. She’s slower and misses stuff. I love it.

Winters last blog post..Wicked Crue

What the…did you say GOLDEN Oreos?

And here I thought I knew everything about Oreos. I don’t know what they are, but Oreos sure sound wonderful right now. That’s my fav cookie in the world, aside from warm chocolate chip right out of the oven. Mmmmm…

Please sir, may I have another????

Evil Geniuss last blog post..Hells Bells!

Dragon, hmm, I sense a rosemary theme going

Absurdist, there was no shortage of disagreement with the correct answers here, either. But with this course, it’s isn’t a requirement that you agree or even pass a test. You just have to attend/view the content. I can comply with that!

Avi, believe me, I want to. This time I have a valid excuse, too! We’ll be at South Padre for our yearly coast trip and won’t get back until the 1st or 2nd. Hey, maybe I should plan a Halloween party. it would be called WHALLoween! We’ll have a whalloweenie good time!

Marilyn, “boobs” is PG-rated. wait, “boobs” ARE PG-rated. “boobs” ARE not R-rated. I am, however, a professional boob rater. To see the difference between PG and R, Karl’s response below is “R” in my mind, although I’m sure MPAA would give it a PG-13. PG and PG-13 is ok mainly because I want my kids and family to be able to be comfortable a lot more than I want the general Internetz to be comfortable. Comfortable?

Michelle, maybe some pepperoni-laced tequila? If they can infuse vitamins into water, I wanna know where my pepperoni-infused vodka is.

Miss Britt, I know! and I overachieve more than most!

Robin, and why is that a reason?

martymankins, what’s sad is in my opinion, if you really think “they” CAN’T, you’re deluding yourself. It’s just a different “they”

Karl, thing is - our work doesn’t HAVE a cafeteria. So I’m stuck!

dmarks, I recall tubes but I don’t recall snot. Just snot interested, thanx.

Dave2, oh your comment is too funny, when combined with the “last blog post” part.

Winter, Yup, no pulled pork for Dave. Got it. Maybe I can get you to take/attend my next course for me.

Evil Genius, Golden Oreos are *it*. We’ve abandoned normal oreos completely.

lmfao. when i was required for my work to do these courses i always read extremely fast. i got penalized at the end of the course for going TOO fast. what bullshit. no wonder this country’s education sucks
amandas last blog post..Long time no see

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