There was a time when I was all the rage.
I used to be… “the man.” I’m not sure if you understand how studly I was, so let me put it into perspective for you.
- Women’s fertility rates would go sky high if someone said a word that rhymed with “Wayne”. Scientists have often speculated that the Baby Boomer generation was caused by the return of soldiers from WWII but in reality, it was the increased popularity of John Wayne.
- I could impregnate a woman just by walking past them in the grocery store. That’s why I sent other people in my stead.
- Offers for my DNA samples were in the six figures.
- Chuck Norris sent in a SASE to me for my 12-part program, “How to increase your manliness” and flunked out, saying “that kind of manliness just isn’t possible.”
- George Clooney, Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson, Sean Connery and Arnold Schwarzenegger each took stud lessons from me. Each of them have fallen from stud graces and it’s not a coincidence that their fall started when they stopped paying me.
- The term “Stud Poker” was originally inspired by my high school nickname.
After a time, I saw clues that indicated… maybe I wasn’t such a stud after all. The looks I would get from some people seemed to say “pshaw, he ain’t that hot.” At first, I pitied these poor souls who couldn’t understand the greatness standing right in front of them. It’s as if they could walk right by a Mona Lisa or ignore one of the Great Pyramids. Clearly they didn’t “Get it”.
But then this perception continued, and it happened with more people. I started to suspect that maybe, just maybe, all this greatness was concocted by none other than yours truly, and that it was all in my head.
Was it possible that I suffered from narcissicm? Was a self-deluded egotistical fool? Was *I* the poor soul that deserved such pity?
This gave me great pause.
(pause)
And then, while looking through old car repair receipts, I found the answer. I discovered the clue that poured insight into the change that happened with me.
Funny thing is – I’d easily pay 1.4 hrs of labor to get it replaced.
The bigger question is that if they removed it from your head, where did they stick it?
Avitables last blog post..Forget THE MAN, it’s all about the old folk
Wow, I should be thanking you then, because Sean Connery has given me years of…ahem…guilty pleasures.
Evil Geniuss last blog post..On 09/25/2008, You Know Where I’ll Be…
LOL. This made me laugh…I just had to get all my studs replaced because they didn’t ‘fit’ right. Things are a lot smoother in my life these days…
Tugs last blog post..Heartfelt
So, if you’re a stud ONLY in your head then how in the world did you ever get those fellas to pay you? Hm. Apparently they had misplaced their own head-studs at that point. It’s not like you could find those on eBay … “George Clooney’s Head Stud for sale!!!” … I’m thinking that would bring a whole different audience than what he’d be looking for.
)
Michelles last blog post..The results of playing chicken w/a train:
Hey, at least you got your MAN-iFold replaced!
Rens last blog post..Headaches
I used to work in an auto repair shop. Be glad it was only 1.4 hours. I’ve seen it take longer. Then, not only would you be missing your broken stud, your wallet would have been raped too.
Winters last blog post..Did I Ever Tell You…?
You were a stud in your head And broken And you want it replaced? Maybe reality might be less likely to get you into trouble. After all, in your head you have impregnated people and have lots of little Whalls you owe child support.
marilyns last blog post..My Husband’s Coming Home
Wait. That was YOU who passed me in the store and knocked me up just with your presence? You owe me SO much child support, dude!
Germany is complaining of its overall negative birth-replacement rate. Fancy a trip to Bavaria?
dmarkss last blog post..Who am I? Cthuluvian Guy
Am I the only one who read the part where you said your high school name was “Stud Poker?”
Dude, that’s just gross.
…but I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with it.
Is that what happened to Tom Cruise? Wow, I just assumed he was kidnapped by aliens.
Maybe the emissions inspection showed something funny that led to your stud removal? Were they daytime or night time emissions?
metalmoms last blog post..Rock the Vote
Be thankful that’s all they remove.
Dragons last blog post..Saffron Risotto with Red Pepper and Crispy Leeks
You totally forgot to mention the fact that you played euphonium.
That alone makes for extreme studliness, at least in my book.
Could it be, just maybe possibly, that your alleged decrease in studliness is due to the fact that you stopped playing?
You should start again and see what happens.
Jannas last blog post..Hi, honey, I’m HOME!!!