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Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

October
30
2008
12:25 pm
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When I read Evil Genius’ blog entry today, I was reminded of something similar I’d received via email a long time ago. Her blog entry was “Actual Medical Chart Notes” and I find stuff like that hilarious, like “The patient refused autopsy” and “On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.”

It doesn’t really matter if they are “genuine” or not (to me); I just find them funny.  So I summon the massively mighty powers of recycling to bring you two sets – one about aircraft maintenance and one about insurance form quotes.

Aircraft Maintenance

“SQUAWKS” are problems noted by U.S. Pilots, & left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight.
Here are some genuine reported squawks, and the replies from the ground crew.

P = problem S = solution

P Left inside tire almost needs replacing
S Almost replaced left inside tire

P Test flight OK, except auto land extremely rough
S Auto land not fitted to this aircraft

P No. 2 prop seeping fluid
S No. 2 prop seepage normal; nos. 1, 3 & 4 lacking normal seepage

P Something loose in cockpit
S Something tightened in cickpit

P Evidence of leak on main landing gear
S Evidence removed

P Headset volume unbelievably loud
S Volume set to more believable level

P Dead bugs on windscreen
S Live bugs ordered

P In flight recorder inoperative
S IFR always inoperative in “off”mode

P Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S That’s what they are there for

P No.3 engine missing
S Engine found on right wing after brief search

P Aircraft handles funny
S Aircraft warned to straighten up and be serious

P Radar hums
S Radar reprogrammed with the words

Insurance Claim Form quotes

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

I thought my window was down, but found out it was up when I put my head through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.

The guy was all over the road; I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a skull fracture.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the roadway when I struck him.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.

I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cat.

The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front.

I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.

And lo, the people did comment thus:

9 Comments

  1. Evil Genius says:

    OMG, Whall I love you! I have seen the pilots notes and insurance excuses before as well, and was actually going to post some of them in the near future, but you actually have more of them than I had so your post is way better. I just can’t get enough of that stuff!!!

    Oh, and LOL cats!!! 🙂

    Evil Genius´s last blog post..I Borked It!!

  2. marilyn says:

    That was the best laugh I had all day. Thanks.

    I must have finally convinced my family that I don’t like massive forwards because I don’t get this kind of thing anymore.

    marilyn´s last blog post..More Randomness

  3. You big liberal you, getting all recyclely on us! 🙂

    Just think of how many blog landfills would be saved if we all did this!

  4. Amber says:

    Heehee! Thanks for the laughs, Wayne!

    You should google the ones about lawyers in courtrooms — they’re pretty funny, too! 🙂

    Amber´s last blog post..Fun, Festivities, a Special Teacher, My Two Adopted Nieces, and More of the Daily Grind! 🙂

  5. metalmom says:

    BWAHAHAHA!!

    metalmom´s last blog post..Freak Fest

  6. Bucky says:

    I had read the pilots notes before.

    The Insurance claims had me rolling though!

    Bucky´s last blog post..MTV, Pumpkins, And WASSSUP!

  7. Sybil Law says:

    Haha – Thanks for those laughs! Much needed… 🙂

    Sybil Law´s last blog post..Mmmm… Spam

  8. Nobody™ says:

    My favorite one is:
    P Evidence of leak on main landing gear
    S Evidence removed

    That’s the type of maintenance we used to do at work. The equipment was so ancient that we were afraid to mess with it.

  9. Janna says:

    These are hilarious. 🙂

    Janna´s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

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