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Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

I’m wondering a few things today… if anyone will do a blog post today and NOT mention the election; if Obama can lose and NOT have rioting in the streets; if people can actually open up their minds and realize polls are evil concoctions of lies upon lies.

But as I sit and wonder, I submit to you a few important reminders about today and tomorrow.

ATTENTION DEMOCRATS

The Democratic National Committee has finally won their long-sought bid to segregate the vote.  The DNC believes that the only way to truly be accurate in vote counting is to have one party vote one day and the other party vote the second day.  That way, we only have to count bodies who show up, not actually tally any specific vote.  I applaud the effort towards accuracy.

As much as I hate to admit it, the Democrats are right on this issue: we should have separate days for voting.  I also admit that the Conservatively-biased right-wing media has hidden this landmark win by the DNC and I’m ashamed for it.  So I will be fair, “reach across the aisle,” so to speak, and remind all of the Democrats to vote tomorrow (Wednesday, November 5th).  Let the evil Republicans cast their vote today and then you’ll have all day tomorrow to cast.  Remember: if you vote today, your vote won’t count, so be sure to show up to the polling stations tomorrow.  

Don’t waste your vote!  Don’t just Vote FOR Tomorrow.  Vote tomorrow!

ATTENTION REPUBLICANS

With all the confused Democrats out there, expect the exit polls to be tilted.  Even Matt Drudge, arguably the most liberal reporter out there, admits that exit polls almost always tilt Democrat.  This may be for a number of reasons, one of which is that the democrat voter might have more time on their hands to sit around and take a poll.  Another might be that they’re better looking (most of Hollywood is Democrat; therefore, Democrats are statistically more beautiful), so the poll-takers gravitate to them in a zombie-like trance, stunned by their aesthetic awesomeness.

The key thing to remember, fellow Conservatives, is to NOT be swayed by the misleading poll numbers and reports.  YOU SHOULD KNOW that the main stream media will “call the election” way early. You know how Christmas is already here, and it’s just barely November? People like to get ahead of themselves.  

In normal fashion, CNN, ABC and NBC have already predicted Obama has won his second term in 2012.

ATTENTION REN

Friends, I have a friend named Ren that was my friend.  Let me tell you a story.

There once was a wise wizard named Gandalf.  (In this story, I’m Gandalf).

There was also a VERY WISE and mentor-like wizard named Saruman.  Saruman is the first in his order.  Many people look up to him for council and mentorship.  (In this story, Ren is Saruman).

Then there was Sauron, aka “Abhorred”.  Eru (“the One”, aka GOD) created Sauron.  Sauron is the most evil and will take over the world unless vanquished by a Fellowship.  (In this story, Obama is Sauron)


(image taken from splendoroftruth.com)

When I learned that Ren had been deceived by the Deceiver, I felt as Gandalf must have felt.  The *one* person in the entire who could formulate and articulate an argument to get me to open up and even THINK about any good Obama could do, actually went over to the other side!  Fortunately for me I see the Eye of Sauron firmly entrenched in Ren’s core and will fight to resist.

That, or I’ve been smoking too much of the halfling’s weed.

 

 

 

And lo, the people did comment thus:

15 Comments

  1. Miss Britt says:

    “one of which is that the democrat voter might have more time on their hands to sit around and take a poll.”

    *sigh*

    Really? So, um, should I call you a racist now because you’re a Republican?

    Come on, Wayne. That’s insulting as hell – and entirely INaccurate, by the way.

    Miss Britt´s last blog post..I’m Shaking My Fist At This Damn Lap Top!

  2. martymankins says:

    I see you not only get those Robo calls, but you believe them.

    My respect for Ren went up several levels, even though I get a bit frustrated with him always being right and me being mostly wrong when it comes to tax details.

    martymankins´s last blog post..In The Final Hours

  3. Ren says:

    Your love of the halfings’ leaf has clearly slowed your mind. Against the power of Obama there can be no victory.

    Ren´s last blog post..Outlaw Trail 100

  4. Dave2 says:

    Your bipartisanship is admirable… a shining beacon for those who are so entrenched in their political beliefs that they refuse to accept that they might not have the best candidate. Though I am a bit disappointed that you didn’t reach out to those with no party affiliation like you did with the Democrats. Are we not voters too?

    Dave2´s last blog post..Voted!

  5. whall says:

    Miss Britt, I hate it when I write a smiley face and then figure “ahhh, this smiley face isn’t needed because this is clear satire” and take it off then figure “but I did a DITL joke about that same thing and many people didn’t think it was funny” and then put it back and then figure “ahh, people have thicker skin than that and will find the entire piece funny because I did the ‘democrats vote tomorrow thing’ and also followed it with the ‘democrats are more beautiful thing’ and stuff” so then I removed it again.

    SATIRE. I tries to has it.

    To be clear, no offense or insult was intended. I do not believe democrats have more time to spend at the polls.
    martymankins, actually, it’s funny you should mention but I’ve not received one robo call. I thought they forgot me but it must be that I’m on the donotcall.gov list. And I still respect Ren… much like I respect a rattlesnake in the grass. Sauron deserves, er I mean demands your respect! 🙂

  6. Miss Britt says:

    Oh, see, I missed the part about Democrats being pretty as satire.

    Because – well – clearly we are.

    Miss Britt´s last blog post..I’m Shaking My Fist At This Damn Lap Top!

  7. Ren says:

    I don’t think donotcall.gov applies to political calls. I haven’t received what I would call a *ton* of robo-calls, but probably an average of 1.5 per day. Strange that you’ve received none.

    By the way, my vote for Obama was as much a “put up or shut up” call to the Democrats as anything else. I’m really tired of the Democrats blaming the Republicans for all the problems, so I figure they might as well have the opportunity to prove that they can do better. I do not subscribe to the fear-mongering claims by some die-hard Republicans that the Democrats will cause irrevocable harm. I also don’t think the Democrats and Republicans are actually very far apart in ideology on most issues, certainly not as far apart as either group claims.

    Ren´s last blog post..Outlaw Trail 100

  8. Hilly says:

    Soooo, trying to confuse the Democrats? Tsk tsk, is this the ONLY way you think that your team can win?

    😉

    Hilly´s last blog post..13 Going On 37…

  9. Well, *I* thought it was funny.

    And I love the LOTR storyline.

    Sheila (Charm School Reject)´s last blog post..What Happens In Florida, Stays In Florida

  10. Faiqa says:

    See, I was totally cool with your disapproval of Obama until the Sauron thing. That’s just wrong. I’m boycotting your blog…until tomorrow. 😉

    Faiqa´s last blog post..Barack, Bill, Britt and Me

  11. Evil Genius says:

    Dude, it’s the weed that turned them into halflings!!! Lay off it!!! 🙂

    Evil Genius´s last blog post..Because We All Need a Little Random Right Now

  12. marilyn says:

    I refuse to get riled up because it’s so obvious that Sauron is really McCain and you are the brainwashed one… After all, Gandalf is better looking than Sauruman. He’s even got the Charlie’s Angels hair flip down pat.

    I got a robocall telling me to vote in the wrong place. I’m worried this election is going to be a mess.

    marilyn´s last blog post..Voting Day

  13. ajooja says:

    I don’t think you guys can cheat your way to victory this time, but the day is young.

  14. Sybil Law says:

    I had no idea you were a weed smoker!
    Now it all makes sense!!!
    😛

    Sybil Law´s last blog post..Mmmm… Spam

  15. Hahahaha….if only the dems had listened to you!

    BlondeBlogger´s last blog post..Election Day

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