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Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

I am a wimp when it comes to “hot” stuff.

At least, that’s the impression I get when I’m around other people who suck on jalapenos, eat the hottest of the hot sauces, snack on habanero-laced cinnamon toothpicks and point at me laughing when I’m fanning my mouth, unable to speak and knocking everything off the table in an effort to find a cold drink to douse the fire I’ve just inadvertently consumed.  And that’s just with the “mild” picante laced with ketchup.

Oh stop it. I know you’re laughing out there.

There are other people out there who can’t have it hot ENOUGH.   You know the type – they ask for whatever 12-alarm menu item they have, taunting anyone who wants to challenge their ability to violate their own tongues in devious and obvious ways.  They sit there chugging  hatch chilis while wondering if there’s anything but water inside some bean filling, and “hey, you done with that burned out cigarette butt? I need something to tide me over until dinnerLight it back up, wouldja?”

Janna is one of those people.

In fact, she even wrote an entire blog post about how “Wayne is a Wuss” (I’m paraphrasing here.  She may not have been directing anything at me personally.  But she DOES have an entire blog category dedicated to painful eating.)

So I’m issuing the following challenge to her:

If Janna can come down to Texas and eat an entire Red Robin Burnin’ Love Burger in front of me, I’ll pay for it.

And by “it” I mean the burger, not the flight, hotel, taxes, rental car or art supplies.  I do promise to provide the camera and a lavish amount of DITL’ing.   Hopefully she won’t think this is a thinly veiled attempt at getting her to come down here and eat a meal with me, because we all know I don’t thinly veil anything.

Here’s a picture of said Red Robin burger:

In fact, for a limited time you can go to Red Robin’s main website and actually see a video of this abomination of a burger in exquisite detail.

I had to drink a pepsi just watching it.

And lo, the people did comment thus:

29 Comments

  1. Sandi says:

    I have what I call “Slavic Tastebuds.” I cannot abide spicy foods. Mild salsa is enough for me. I don’t even like conventional table pepper.

    My grandfather was a man who drank the 12-alarm hot sauce etc. In a cup. As a garnish to his meal. The man had iron intestines, I am sure of it.

    What is the attraction, I have to wonder, in igniting one’s tastebuds? There is a reason we feel this burning sensation. It’s a WARNING of PEELING SKIN or something. I’m sure of it. Ew.

    Anyway thank you for being Bold and Daring and about the Burnin’ of the Love.

    🙂

    P.S. Real glad this wasn’t a post about “sexually transmitted diseases.” 😉

    Sandi´s last blog post..April is Autism Awareness Month

    • whall says:

      Sandi – I find that a lot of people who can take spicy stuff are either smokers or former smokers. Not all of them, of course, but I think that the act of singe-ing one’s taste buds is a good way of developing calouses on the tongue and it just takes a lot more to “get through”.

  2. Ben says:

    I’m with you, Wayne. I can handle some mildly spicy things, but that’s about it. I had to stick my head in the sink after seeing that photo.

    Ben´s last blog post..Little things …

  3. marilyn says:

    I’m not in the Janna category but that Burger looks… well it looks TEX Mex… mild even. Janna would need some medicinal pepper powder sprinkled on it to overcome its overwhelming mildness.

    marilyn´s last blog post..Ten Things I Don’t Have To Do Today

  4. Sybil Law says:

    Hot is good, but when it’s so hot there’s no real taste (otehr than HOT), then it’s pointless to me.

    Sybil Law´s last blog post..I’m going to tap it, too.

  5. Faiqa says:

    Mmmm, that looks goooood. I wonder if my husband will drive to Texas and get one. Or you could be a dear and Fedex me one.

    Faiqa´s last blog post..Argumentum Ad Hominem

  6. Avitable says:

    I’m with you, too. I don’t even try anything spicy because I can’t stand spicy foods. Although I do miss Red Robin. I want them to open one here – I used to love the Royal Red Robin burger.

    Avitable´s last blog post..Oh, the friends I have . . .

  7. bubblewench says:

    I can’t eat that stuff either!!! Scares me and my stomach. if you ever have to eat it for any reason, have MILK nearby, thats the best thing to kill the pain.

  8. Ren says:

    Full Disclosure: As a spicy food fan I must point out that I’ve had this burger and it doesn’t come anywhere close to hot. Oh wait, I don’t mean to ruin your plans. Nothing to see here. Pay no attention to the main behind the comment.

    Ren´s last blog post..Macro Monday #3

  9. Dragon says:

    Glad to know I’m not the only one who breathes fire out here. 🙂 Hot food is incredibly addictive, Wayne. You just need to train your taste buds to withstand the heat.

    Dragon´s last blog post..Three-Cheese Mini Macs

  10. Tug says:

    Did I miss where it said what’s on it? I’ve had their 5 alarm burger a few times, LOVE.IT. Would like to know the differences between the 2.

    Tug´s last blog post..A river runs through it…

  11. Miss Britt says:

    Even my nicotine singed taste buds can’t handle the spicy.

    Miss Britt´s last blog post..I swear to God I’m going to have to be on Leno before these bastards take me seriously

  12. martymankins says:

    As much as I love Red Robin, I’d be hard pressed to have one of those fire burgers.

    I prefer mild to medium for most of my salsas and all things considered hot. Wuss pals here.

    martymankins´s last blog post..One Year Ago Today

  13. Janna says:

    Wow!
    Thank you for mentioning me, and for pointing out the fact that I indirectly called you a wuss. 🙂 Almost any publicity is good publicity.
    Although I’m touched by your sneaky plot– … er, I mean, your sweet fuzzy kind generosity, I’ve gotta say the burger looks pretty tame. I’ve tried similar versions here, like the BK “Angry Whopper” and the Dairy Queen “Flamethrower.”
    The Angry Whopper was dreadfully disappointing and did not deserve to be in the same sentence as the word “hot.”
    The Flamethrower, while tasty, was not really all that hot either.
    There’s also an independently owned ice-cream-stand here that carries a so-called “hot” burger called the “Bull Burger.” It’s got jalapeno peppers on it. Bah. Not hot.

    Y’know what… I could swear there’s a Red Robin somewhere around Michigan. I know I’ve heard of it. Or at least I’ve seen commercials. If I can find one, maybe I can go there and try this “burning” burger of which you speak. And then I will absolutely blog about it, and will be sure to mention you. 🙂

    Ooooh, I just had another idea…. I could create my very OWN burger recipe (one that REALLY qualifies as “hot enough”), and could post it for everyone to try.
    When I do, I double-triple dare you to make a DITL out of it, so we can all see you
    (1) preparing the recipe
    (2) eating at least half of it
    (3) giving us your honest reaction to its alleged heat level.
    (4) Bonus points if you film yourself sharing it with friends.

    Now you’ve got me all excited.

    Janna´s last blog post..Thirteen additions to the Jannapedia

  14. Janna says:

    I just finished watching the Red Robin video.
    It DOES sound yummy; it just doesn’t sound hot enough.
    Still, if I can find a way to eat one, I’m going to.
    I checked their locations… there’s one in Lansing, and one in Portage.
    Both are about 45-50 miles away.
    Still, this could be do-able…

    Janna´s last blog post..Thirteen additions to the Jannapedia

  15. Janna says:

    My recipe is done!
    I just posted it.
    You simply MUST give it a try… and do a DITL of you trying it.
    🙂
    http://jannaverse.blogspot.com/2009/04/that-sound-you-hear-is-ronald-mcdonald.html

    Janna´s last blog post..That sound you hear is Ronald McDonald whimpering and sobbing in the corner like a pansy

  16. A.j. Drew says:

    My family business grows and sells some of the hottest peppers in the world, but I have no idea how people eat some of them. Even more confusing is how people can enjoy eating them. I use them in cooking, but to eat them whole like they were popcorn is so far beyond anything I can understand.

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