I have a relative who has a Prius.
You haven’t lived until you actually realize a car is driving up to you and you didn’t even hear it until the gravel crunches under its tires. Man, that’s freaky.
…but cool at the same time. I think it’s high-time we had electric vehicles (I had always imagined a car that ran on water, but electricity is still cool). I still long for the Back to The Future-style floating skateboards (and cars of course), because I can totally see me tricking Biff into a truckload of manure.
You can’t see me in this picture, but I photoshopped myself onto the skateboard right behind the camera. I look awesome in my life preserver jacket. I also photoshopped Malorie in there with me because, well, she’s hot.
Anyway, Back To The Story, when I experienced the sensation of a huge car rolling up to me without any kind of engine sound, I instantly thought “I bet someone ends up faking the sound of an engine.”
And sure enough, this morning I hear on the radio something about safety concerns about hybrids and electric vehicles, and the fact that children might not hear them and end up getting squished. I’m not sure of the details, but it sounded like someone was lobbying the car makers to make some artificial engine noise, and even have the sound increase along with the accelerator pedal. You know. For the Children.
I’m all for no-squish kids. But fake engine noises? Really? Won’t we just be replacing real pollution with noise pollution? Why can’t we just learn to live with silent cars and, oh I don’t know…. BE RESPONSIBLE FOR OURSELVES A LITTLE?!?!?! Look, I can see having sensors that can notify the driver or even honk the horn or something, but constant noise doesn’t seem like a good answer to me. You know what it seems like to me? It seems like an answer someone came up with that is responsible for making the fake engine sound modules to sell to the auto manufacturers, and they happen to have a friend in the Legislature, and then they play the “it’s for the children” card and then we all pay for something that really wasn’t needed.
Anyway, Back To The Story II, I thought about ring tones. Yeah! RING TONES! I figured – if we end up being forced by the government to pimp out our rides with noise makers, I might as well make a few bucks on it. If we can put custom ring-tones on our cell phones, why not custom drive-tones on our cars? I could make a website that sold custom driving ring tones for people’s cars and *SMACK* kiss the working day good-bye!
I’m sure NO-ONE HAS THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE.
So I go look.
cartones.com: taken. drivetones.com: taken. electrictones.com: taken. drivertones.com: taken. carrings.com: taken. carringtones.com: taken. mobiletones.com: taken. mobileringtones.com: taken.
Distraught, I take a break from the domain searches and try to compose myself. I look out the window at the cars zooming by. I can hear them outside on Mo-Pac because, well, most of them are non-electric earth-killing death cars. I close my eyes and imagine – what would I want to hear instead of pistons pumping and exhaust being spewed out into the sky? What would *I* as a hybrid owner, want my car to sound like? If I could choose any sound in the world… what tone would I want to identify myself as when I drive up to someone.
Just as a ringtone defines who I am when my phone rings, I would want to customize the sounds my car makes – not only when I’m driving and I revv up the engine, but also when I start the car. When I’m idling. When I stop the car. When I’m walking up to it (it would sense my bluetooth-enabled iPhone). When I want to honk at a cutie pie at the light. When I want to honk at a jerk trying to fiddle with his car ring tones at the next light.
I GOT IT!
tonemycar.com: available?
Not any more! SUCKAS!
Now to make the website…. heh heh heh. I’m already counting the money.
[time passes]
Anyway, Back to The Story III, anyone know how to make a website?
I think you might have a winner there. And a wiener there. Stop playing with that and work on the winner instead!
.-= Avitable´s last blog ..I hate puking =-.
Avitable – my favorite hot dogs are Ball Park franks – Hearty Beef. I didn’t even need Michael Jordan to sell me on them!
Wow. Just goes to show how resistant humans are to change. We’re so used to the noise, we don’t even care why the noise is being made – or that it’s unnecessary – we just WANT IT! WE DON’T KNOW WHY! WE DO! THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!
Craziness.
.-= Miss Britt´s last blog ..My shame. Come look at it. =-.
Miss Britt – I’m resistant to change when I’m happy. When I’m in pain, not so much.
Classic Wayne. Very nice. Where have you been?
I understand that the way you make a website is to find one you like and just copy it. It’s the green way to do it!
.-= Ren´s last blog ..In A New York Minute =-.
Ren – like Classic Coke? I mean Coke Classic? Wait, you’re saying I have a style that’s identifiable?
I’m all for less noise, if I get run over then oh well. Can we turn the noise of children off too??
.-= Robin´s last blog ..I Am Me =-.
Robin – yup, and fortunately for you Mother Nature takes care of that for you. You see, as people get older, they get annoyed by the sound of children more and more. And as they get older, they lose their hearing. Win-win!
That’s the second coolest thing about the Prius (other than the whole hybrid thing). For goodness sake don’t take that away — look at that thing, it just screams dork!
Ahem.
Perhaps the person driving the car could look up from texting once in a while to, I don’t know, LOOK OUT FOR THE CHILDREN?
.-= Finn´s last blog ..Silenced =-.
Finn – I guess this is a bad time to disclose that I’m responding to your comment from my phone while driving?
When I first heard about the noise thing it was blind people that were having a hard time of it… which makes a lot more sense to me than children. It seems like we could probably solve that problem in some way other than making the cars noisier… maybe some kind of tone at corners to tell when there is traffic. They already do something like that at big city stoplights.
Anyway, your idea seems good to me except I can just imagine the resulting cacophony at busy city intersections.
.-= marilyn´s last blog ..Unauthorized Photograph =-.
marilyn – Ooh, and celebrities can record their own sound effects… I can see a George Carlin honk, or a Julia Sweeney eeeeeeeeerw sound or a Eddie Murphy “GET OUT DA WHEY!” like “ICE CREEEEEAAAM!”
That’s just nuts – people are worried that the car doesn’t make noise? God forbid we teach our kids basic street rules. GAH.
You get me all riled up.
.-= Sybil Law´s last blog ..FOF =-.
Sybil Law – just wait until I stop holding back!
Sounds like a plan…
sue – so, does that mean you’ll invest? heh heh
There’s just gotta be a way to put baseball cards in the spokes of those Priuses. Priusii?
Iron Fist – actually, they’re selling digital baseball cards to put on the side of the wheel wells – they look like mini iphones but just have the player stats and dynamically show you all this..
ok I’m making it up.
I hope that companies release “official” cartones. Because I want nothing more than for my first electric car to sound like a Harley Davidson motorcycle!
Or a Cuisinart set to “Purée.”
.-= Dave2´s last blog ..SoCal =-.
Dave2 – or Van Halen’s Hot For Teacher. potatopotatopotatopotatopotatopotatopotatopotato
I know nuthin’ ’bout birthin’ no Web site!
.-= kapgar´s last blog ..The wind in my hair… =-.
kapgar – Frankly, kapGAR… I don’t give a damn.
Great domain name. Now can’t wait to be one of the first to leave a comment. When it’s up, that is.
As someone who loves the BTTF movies and fascinated by all of the cool gadgets in the 2nd movie, I like the idea of an electric car.
The driving range is a big concern. And of course, I’m worried I would get stuck over water, pushing my foot out the door trying to avoid getting hit by Biff Jr’s baseball bat.
.-= martymankins´s last blog ..48 Hours Of Blech =-.
I think sometimes the noise cars produce is way over the top, especially when people tune their exhausts. No noise cars could be an issue though from a safety point of view. Just lucky I don’t live near a main road.