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Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

11:09 am
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Yesterday’s post got me thinking, and I learned a valuable lesson.  What *I* think might be a well-written post on a timely subject and actually introduce innovative concepts, and fuel the fires of discussion to the point where there would be a near literary riot (in a good way), public reaction was basically crickets.  Then I thought to myself – “hey, you’re watching it too closely.  You’re passionate about this topic, you feel you did a good post, and now you’re way too impatient for the reaction.  It’s barely been any time.  It’s morning now and you posted yesterday afternoon.”  Then I matured a little and realized “Hey, are you writing it for the response?  Or are you writing it because it’s what you think?  Because if you’re just writing for a response, you’d better get a LOT more controversial” and then I slapped myself for taking too much time on a serious  subject. 

Reeling from the slap (because my arms are very strong from so many years of bowling), I pulled myself up (because my arms are very strong) and got ahold of the situation (because my arms are very strong).   Pushing aside my instincts (because my arms are very strong), I dropped the subject (my arms got tired).

Which brings me to something infinitely more interesting – Chili’s OLDTIMER CHEESEBURGER!

chili's oldtimer burger

I’m a HUGE burger fan.

By that, I mean both potential meanings: one, I’m huge, and I’m a fan of burgers.  Also, I’m a burger fan who is extremely good and passionate about his fanning of burgerocity.

While I should admit that there are few burgers I’ll turn down, there are few that earn “top burgers”.  Let’s put this into perspective – I am rarely disappointed in a burger.  I can find happiness inside the greasiest, coldest burger from a ballpark.  I’m a joyminer who can still find the mother lode when given a flat, dry burger from a mexican restaurant (not typically known for good burgers).  I’m definitely satisfied with the fast food’s offerings (Big Mac, Whopper, Wendy’s Single, JITB Ultimate Cheeseburger, and all the other burgers they offer).  I never have sent a burger back for quality reasons, although I have no problem sending it back if it comes differently than ordered (ie, they put on mustard instead of mayo; I almost sued them once for that).

But to me, the ultimate-tasting burger is the Chili’s Oldtimer.  For me, the same thing comes out of my mouth when ordering the thing I most want to go into my mouth: “hi, I’d like some great food to go!  I want and oldtimer with cheese, medium, mayo, ketchup, pickles, lettuce and no season salt on the fries, please.” 

I don’t know what they do to the meat, or the bun, but it’s juicy, warm, perfectly seasoned and so. incredibly. good.

What’s your favorite burger?  If you’re a non-meat eater, feel free to substitute the closest thing you think would apply.

2:42 pm
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Recently I was shopping at Wal*Mart (it’s so much cheaper than HEB!) and for some reason I had a flashback to my childhood and all of a sudden remembered buttered toast w/Apple Butter on it and really really wanted to know if A) it was a real product or if I had imagined it and B) it was still available for purchase.

Much to my happiness, I found out that not only was it still around, but Wal*Mart, in its infinite consumer-related wisdom, carried it.  They’ve changed the jar from the last time I saw it back in the 70’s/80’s but it still shone out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark (quote, anyone?).

bama apple butter

Now, if you haven’t ever had or heard of Apple Butter, let me try to describe.  It’s nothing like butter.  It’s nothing like apples.  It doesn’t even remotely taste buttery or appley.  I like apples ok enough, but it’s not like I’m crazy over apples like I am pears.  So I have no idea why it’s called what it’s called.  And frankly, I don’t care.

But man, if you get yourself some fresh-out-of-toaster toast, spread on some butter so it melts nice and good, and then put on the apple butter so it kind of melts and mixes in with the butter….. MMMMMMMM that’s some good toast.  And it has to be BAMA (don’t ask me why, I don’t even know if someone else makes it or not).

So my question for you – have you even heard of apple butter?

12:59 pm
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A Hall Family tradition that’s been forgotten for way too many years is an incredibly delicious food called “Loss Bread”.  I have no idea where the name came from – all I know is I absolutely loved the stuff when my dad made it when I was young.  I know his parents made it, and their parents made it.  There might be an interesting legend in there somewhere, but all I know so far is A) it’s the best breakfast food EVER, B) it’s been in my family for generations and C) how to make it.  We made it Christmas morning for the masses.

Short description: start with the concept of french toast (batter-dipped bread), but it tastes 30 million times better.  Oh, and you don’t need syrup, powdered sugar, fruit or anything with it.

I don’t know if it’s a family secret or not, so I won’t post the exact recipe here.  Maybe my mom or dad will comment here on whether to keep it close, but I’ll describe it some.

First of all, there are no exact measurements anyway.  There’s a set list of ingredients, but in all honesty, most everything is just a guideline and you keep adding various amounts of stuff until it tastes right.

You make a batter (aka “Calf Slobber”) out of eggs, milk, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and vanilla.  You’re drooling already, I can tell.

Get a frying pan ready with some Crisco.  Use a pan big enough to hold 2 or 3 pieces.  Get it up to medium heat or so.

Then you take a piece of bread (Mrs. Bairds “LARGE” is best – you want it thick) and drop it in the batter for a few seconds.  Be sure to get both sides.  Don’t leave it in too long.

Plop that sucker in the pan and fry it up.  Get it halfway or 3/4 way brown and then flip it over. 

Repeat with as much bread as you can eat.  Keep adding Crisco small bits at a time along the inside of the pan.  Don’t use too much Crisco.

End result: it doesn’t taste like bread; it doesn’t taste like eggs; it doesn’t taste like milk.  It tastes like heaven with a dash of vanilla.

12:55 pm
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I gotta get something off my chest. 

I’m a Pepsi lover.

pepsi can is one of my favorite things

Sometimes I’ll go for a Coke, especially if it’s in a glass bottle, but Pepsi almost always wins hands down.

One of my favorite … let me make this clear… ABSOLUTE favorite uses of ice cold Pepsi – and it HAS to be in a can to get that sharp metallic taste – is to wash down sausage egg and cheese breakfast tacos from Kiefer’s cafe here in Austin.  It is pure heaven.  Something about the carbonation, the thick syrupy taste, the cold blast of energy, cleansing the throat and eating away at anything that might think of sticking around and causing me grief later…

Its interesting that I prefer Coke in the glass bottle (not plastic), but I prefer Pepsi in the metal can (no bottles).  Both are “ok” in the 2-liter variety; neither has a specific edge when packaged in that way.

I’ve been called a communist pig because I like Pepsi; this I do not understand.  But I put up with it because Pepsi is sooooo good.  Although I wish it would take a dash of vanilla as well as Dr. Pepper does – Sonic does a good job of creating the perfect “Vanilla Dr. Pepper.”  Also interesting that both Coke and Pepsi sell Vanilla-flavored versions of their soda pop but Dr. Pepper doesn’t.  And it’s Dr. Pepper that’s awesome with Vanilla!  This world is so super crazy I can’t believe it!

There’s another thing that kind of bothers me – Coke (and the associated Coke Products such as Dasani water, Minute Maid juices, Sprite) has MyCoke rewards (which I bestow upon Avi) but Pepsi has no such loyalty-based side benefit.  Surely Coke is still winning the Coke vs Pepsi marketing battle, so why wouldn’t they jump on the “drink our stuff and we’ll reward you” bandwagon?

Maybe I should just buy Pepsi stock.

I love starting a new series on my blog.  It’s something new, fresh, sure to please the censors and cures acne.  Sometimes I forget about the new series I’ve created, but that’s in the future and why worry about something so far off?  I don’t like to worry.

Today I want to tell you about my favorite drink holder.  It’s been with me ten years or more, and I don’t know why I love it.  I just do.  My brother has one, my dad has one, and I has one.

skull mug

skull mug profile

You may recognize this as a Treasure Island mug from Las Vegas.  That’s what it is.

Just look at it.  It’s mesmerizing in its coolness.  It sits there, nonchalantly holding whatever beverage that happens to be inside it, but all the while, it’s plotting its next move.  It’s scanning the environment, memorizing license plates, prioritizing attack targets and calculating emergency failback scenarios.  It will wreak havoc when you least suspect it because… well, it’s a skull.  Skulls do that.

Not only is it handy having a hell-bent agent of destruction and evil sitting next to me, it holds quite a volume of tasty beverage!  I don’t have to be bothered with constant refill trips to the water cooler – I only have to refill it 3 or 4 times a day.  If it were a lesser skull mug or (GASP) a non-skull mug, like a Hello Kitty mug or a “World’s #1 Boss” mug, I just would probably die of thirst because of how often I’d be required to fill it.  No sir, this is one BIG mug.

I should point out that there are certain people who cannot stand this mug.  I won’t name names, but in particular this person can be described as “someone who happens to be married to me.”  I have found out that all the Hall wives despise our skull mugs.  The way I “found out” was the mug was found in the garbage one day.   I saved it (I have no choice, it controlls controls my actions) and it was thrown out again shortly thereafter.  Turns out my brother faced the same bizarre circumstances and it was later we found out that there was a conspiracy to eradicate the skulls from our collective possession.

I can only attribute this action by the Hall wives to uncontrolled envy.  Or madness.  I like envy because it conveys a certain respect upon the person I’m accusing of envy, as it assumes that they like (love) the same thing I do – enough to take it away.  But madness will do in a pinch.  Either way, I now keep the skull at work on my desk.  Heaven help the poor unsuspecting user who comes my way looking for help.

Well, I need to go.  I’ve got absolutely nothing to do today and I wanna get started.

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