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Welcome to The blog of whall

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Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

11:24 am
Post Meta :

Or should I say, it’s the other way around.  The blog of whall is hitting Summer of Love.





(Ppppsssssst.  That graphic means I’m guest posting over at Karl’s blog, SecondhandKarl.com today.  Go over there and read my post.  Really.  It won’t hurt.  Much.)

I’m guesting today over at Cissa’s.  Check out the magic going on over there.

heart of fire

But I also wanted to let you know that I love this song.

I’m writing guest posts so big I’m steppin on leprechauns.

First of all, whoa.


Did you guys love all these guest posts as much as I did? I’ve half a mind to stop blogging myself and just get 20-30 people to commit to one guest post per month and just have them write for me.

Who’s with me!!!!!??

The side benefit to this master scheme is that, as you probably have noticed yourself, these bloggers end up writing BETTER material when they guest post than the stuff they normally put on their own blogs.

What? Isn’t this a reverse roast?

As LeSombre would say, Quel Frommage.

Let’s recap a little.

First, Dave2 from Blogography teed things off by actually making a BAD WAYNKEY!  He cleverly embedded it into a intolerance-based liberally biased anti-establishment fascist piece of propaganda disguised as a comic, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.  He even published an extended Behind The Scenes edition, only this time, with less New Kids On The Block shrines.

Then BlondeBlogger came by and deposited into the bank of whall a series of 10 questions and the readers were to pick which 5 were true.  The winner, Ren, supposedly gets “have a date with Whall at the LOLCat headquarters.”  I’ll pre-emptively accept his withdrawal from the contest.  I got another true statement: BB is hot.  Just look!

After BB came Hilly, aka snackiepoo.  She was able to conform to the strict Puritan values my blog espouses (yeah, right [bleepitybleeper!]) and bring on the Weird Science for us all.  She also pointed out all of our differences.  Thanx for that (WTF Hilly, you ride donkeys?!?!?).  But she did point out our commonalities- I do love the 80’s, I do have a great heart, and I LOVE TWEETING AND BLOGGING.

Then it got all serious-like.  Miss Britt infected my blog with Obamfluenza H1N1.  I had to go into quarantine and everything!  Usually, any given type of flu has an incubation period anywhere from 72 hours to 7 days, but evidently if one drinks the kool-aid fast enough, he or she can be overcome within minutes, afflicted with such symptoms as incredulous mysterious adulation towards public figures, radical socialist views, and a shrieking voice when debating (or so I’ve heard).  After watching 15+ minutes of Funny Obama, even *I* started experiencing my own symptoms of tolerance, acceptance and open-mindedness.  Fortunately for me I was able to purchase a new copy of Atlas Shrugged while on vacation, which is a common antidote for apathy-inducing liberalism.  WHEW!

And then?  YES!  YESSSSSSSS!  OMG YES!  No, I’m not having an episode. I’m still reeling from the awesome YES-laden guest post from Mr Shiny.  Here’s what I don’t get about Shiny – he’s undoubtedly one of the top 3 funniest, wittiest, smartest bloggers I’ve ever had the pleasure to read.  He’s absolutely brilliant.  I mean, there are bloggers out there I enjoy to read, but Shiny’s posts make me laugh out loud.  But he hardly gets any comments!  Even his guest post for me had the fewest comments out of all the guest posters.  I just don’t understand that.  It’s almost as if his posts are so good people find themselves unworthy to comment.   His LOLyes pictures were awesome, especially for huge YES fans such as myself.   And Shiny? I’d love to hear the Leave It track… I’m thinking of doing one too so maybe we can team up on that idea sometime.

Ren from Renagerie.com followed up the Amazing Mr Shiny with a clever new take on LOLcats, my blog and made something unique – WHALL-anti-cats.  He took photos he had of me over our 10yr friendship and captioned them with actual blog post titles from my blog.  And WOW.  He did nineteen (19) lolcaptionblogtitlethingies!  I think my favorite in the series is “an’ you’ll be poppin, lickin and breakin in no time…”  And yes, it’s all about the dorkiness of Wayne.

*content sigh*.  Then Poppy came to my blog and made it aww bettaw.  It wuz so pwehshush!  She whalljacked my blog and made an eccentric vlog with one of the sexiest coolest overdub narration voices you’ll ever hear.  And I think some rap.  And something about “Dirty Wayne” which is almost as nice sounding as I expect “Naughty Wayne” would sound like.  Thank you Poppy.  Thank you for the YES tie-in, the voiceover and the awesomeness you gave my blog.  And something about a lollipop in it or something.

What guest post whallstravaganza would be complete without a fatwha?  Faiqa from Native Born, aka Supreme Magistrate of All Things Wise, Prudent and Being Generally Better Than Everyone Else Without Even Trying of the NBLA, unleashed the NBLA’s demands on the world when they actually DID whalljack me with normal and just atypically terroristic and extremist demands.  I’m so glad they did. You will pay for your insolence.  I have seen the error of my ways.  Chuck Norris is gonna go all up in your face and roundhouse kick every turban off every extremist muslim head.  I’ve corrected my behavior and even built a time machine, went back in time, and put in TWO votes for Barack Obama just to make sure.  With just one roundhouse kick. I’m so glad my eyes have been opened. Blindfolded.  Please forgive me for my past.  And then LOLcaption it.  Sincerely, Marmontiansese Nbyuti Barack Hussein Obama (tongue click) W. Hall whall.  PS: May I express my fondness for your aesthetic qualities? My lord, you’re hot.

The final instwhallment of the guest post gala was performed by Mr Avitable.  From Avitable.com.  His last name is Avitable.  He doesn’t like it pronounced Avitable, he prefers it Avitable.  It can be a littable difficult to fittable the right syllables befittable such an iminitable Avitable, but it’ll make the fiddle knittable, said the quittable riddle in the middle.  I think I need to make this whole thing DITLable.  Now does everyone know how to pronounce Avitable?  Good. Now to his blog post.  He copied Faiqa.  End of story.  NEXT!

All in all, I think it was a quality showing.  I don’t know about you, but I’m already looking forward to my next vacation!

PS: Who was your favorite? I’ve been looking to start up some drama around here to drive up traffic, so which one did you hate and which on pwned the others?

Which guest posts were your favorites

View Results

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PS#2: The “Part V” in the title is a little secret.  Can anyone guess what it’s in reference to?

12:05 am
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Greetings Wanton Consumerists and Suburban Slaves to the Man.

This is Faiqa, self appointed leader of the Native-Born Liberation Army (NBLA), informing you that your beloved Whall has been captured by our operatives.

Like all good liberation armies, we have given Mr. Hall the opportunity to either join us or to pay us $1,000,000,000,000,000,000.00 in exchange for his freedom.

Because, really?  We would never dream of forcing our ideals on other people without their express consent.

I and my army suggest that you, as friends and loyal fans of Mr. Hall, implore him to accept the tenets of our ideology as his own so he can get back to blogging for his loving, soullessly capitalistic audience without any further delay.

Our requirements are simple.

The NBLA Manifesto

As Amended for Mr. W. Hall.

  • Deep Abiding Sense of Patriotism. Mr. Hall will herein refer to President Barack Hussein Obama as “My Main Squeeze, The Big Cheese”
  • Charity Begins Under Duress. Mr. Hall will compose a correspondence directed to the IRS stating that not only does he wish to pay the amount of his income tax plus 25% for the rest of his natural life, but that he also insists that his taxes be used to put $10K rims on every method of transportation present in the government housing project nearest to his home.  Even bicycles.
  • Multiculturalism. Before engaging in any more blog writing, Mr. Hall will ask himself, “What would a liberal left wing semi socialist brown woman think of this?”  and then amend his thoughts accordingly.
  • More Multiculturalism. Mr. Hall will change his name to “Marmontiansese Nbyuti Barack Hussein Obama (tongue click) W. Hall” which means in a rare Kenyan dialect with which none of you have any familiarity, “Man, I Really Wish My Parents Had Named Me Barack Hussein Obama instead of W. Hall”
  • Even More Multiculturalism. Mr. Hall will spend the rest of his life creating LOLCats that exhibit a broader appeal to humanity.  His first creation could be, for example, a Tabby with a dot on its forehead happily encouraging you with the knowledge that “I Gots Teck Sahpport.”  Or a Persian cat getting waterboarded screeching, “But Ahm Jest Heer Awn Ah Stoodent Veesa!”
  • Equality of the Sexes. Mr. Hall will amend any and all items he owns that say, “Don’t Mess with Texas” to read “I Hate Sexists.”

I think you’ll all agree that the above sentiments are more than just notions of change, but promise to form the framework of an exciting and artfully constructed new world order.


Supreme Magistrate of All Things Wise, Prudent and Being Generally Better Than Everyone Else Without Even Trying of the NBLA

UPDATE:  Early this morning, Mr.  Hall composed an e-mail that he requested we share with you.  The e-mail has been modified for the sake of brevity, but is true to form.  Mainly.

Help Me Internets!!

Dear Friends,

I can’t believe that not one of you offered to pay a ransom for me.  You’re a bunch of cheap jerks.

Thank you for your support.  It has meant the world to me.

As for the NBLA, it will be a cold day in h-e-double hockey mom sticks before I comply with any of their demands.  W. Hall is tough on terror.

The unbridled power of the NBLA is humbling and awe inspiring.

Obama, “My Main Squeeze, The Big Cheese”?  Ha!  More like “watching you snicker at  Wanda Sykes’ tasteless jokes made me wanna cut the cheese… ”

My captivity has given me time to reflect upon the ideals that I have held in the past and this reflection has prompted me to open a new chapter in my ideological life.  All I can say is, “Yes.  Yes, I can.”

Somebody please call the police.  Faiqa is completely insane, I think her pregnancy has made her psychotic.  Please.  Anyone.  Help me.  She’s going to make me watch a Spike Lee marathon.

I am happy here with Faiqa.  I’m not sure that my intellectual awakening is complete and would like to continue studying under her tutelage.

Oh, God.  Did she just mention Bollywood?  And a 24 hour repeat marathon of Gandhi??!  Oh, the humanity!!

Incidentally, I’m considering a hunger strike and may walk to the sea to make my own salt just as the great Mahatma did in the previous century.  I plan this with the hopes of reminding everyone that we’re all victimized by the post colonial legacy thrust upon the lesser developed nations by the Western powers.

NBLA Sounds Vaguely Similar to that Association for Pedophiles, doesn’t it?  What A Bunch Of Losers.

Fight the Power & Down With the Man,


Marmontiansese Nbyuti Barack Hussein Obama (tongue click) W. Hall

This e-mail is confidential, if you have received it in error… well, that sucks for us.  Don’t call the police.  NBLA is an equal opportunity conscript army and does not discriminate based on race, gender, class or sexual preferences.  We’re not fans of the French, though.  Or Saudis.  Or people who are intolerant of other people’s cultures.  Or people who steal lines from Austin Powers and try to pass them off as their own.

12:01 am
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Oh my goodness, I’m inside the inner workings of whall.org!  I am sooooooo geeked out right now!!! w00000t!

Poppy here.  I made a video for Wayne. It’s really for Wayne, just Wayne, to make him laugh. I understand if it was too “artistic” (read: weird) for the rest of the world.

In the video I address the fact that I don’t actually know where he is right now, since he seems to actually still be here but not posting, and that’s kinda not important.  What is important is that he is awesome and deserves a tribute-like video, akin to a little sister looking up to a big brother by making a sappy speech in front of a room full of people at his wedding. (or something.)

So, here’s the video. I hope you enjoy in its eccentricity:

Whalljacked from Poppy Cede on Vimeo.

8:00 am
Post Meta :

This is Ren from Renagerie and for some reason, I’m here writing this instead of joining Wayne and his family in South Padre. Perhaps I’m not as smart as Wayne thinks.

Anyway, having known Wayne for about a decade, and even having some pictures that go back nearly that far, I decided that I should make use of some of those pictures. Of course, given the content of this blog, it would be natural for me to do them LOLcats style. But I hate LOLcats (and I’m not alone). Instead, I’ve decided to go through Wayne’s blog posts and find post titles that I thought went well with each image.

Some of these are funny, but mostly not. Sorry about that, I’m just not as funny as Wayne. These are in chronological order according to the linked post. (Yes, the pictures link to the referenced post.) The links give you an opportunity to peruse a fairly random selection of Wayne’s posts from the last four years.

Note, though, that the posts were selected purely for their title. I can neither confirm nor deny that the linked posts have exorbitant levels of humor or possibly outlandish political philosophies. You have been warned. (Oh, and Wayne? A couple of these posts have broken links/images/whatever in them — probably from when you migrated to WordPress.)

I swear it’s not a fake - this is a demon spider!
Today is System Administrator Appreciation Day!
Press "2" to hear a duck…
Traffic Violation
Memorizing pi
Genius is as genius does…
I am greatness personified…
Happiness defined…
an’ you’ll be poppin, lockin and breakin in no time…
My, what a large driver you have…
I’m too anal
My first 10K
The Fantastic Journey
Technological bliss is so easy to get sometimes
Happy Voting Day!
It’s all about the dorkiness of Wayne
123 FOUR 5, 6 seven 8 NINE
Being Worshiped By Whall

12:16 am
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May 12, 2009

Dear Mr. Hall:

Thank you for the opportunity to guest post for you this week. It was quite the honor to be selected to be among the elite few given this chance to write before a wonderful audience and share my talents.  I’m relatively new to this blogging community, and I feel that this has been a brass ring for me in a way — something for which I can reach, grab hold, and be successful — pushing through my success back to my own blogging home where I can celebrate such victories.

Sadly, Mr. Hall, I feel that I have failed you.

You see — I had a wonderful idea in my head. One which came to me over the weekend. Something which would have been extremely special and which would have fit in appropriately with your usual blog fodder.  But due to certain factors, some within and some completely out of my control — I was not able to achieve this memorable task.

You see, I have a specific talent: I can start writing with one audience in mind and, before you realize it, I can select an entirely different audience within the span of one sentence. Instead of addressing this to Wayne, I’m now talking to you — the reader. You see how simple I made that look? It comes from quite a bit of practice. Sadly, it is a realized talent, one which manifested itself on this blog far more successfully than a perceived talent I thought I had.

For those of you unfamiliar with me, Wayne Hall and I happen to be very different in many ways.  However, there are three staples of our lives which we both share items in common. They are (a) our common love for frivolous government spending; (b) our common intrigue with 80s music being slapped together, track on-top-of track like a scrumptious dagwood sandwich; and (c) our common passion for the music of legendary rock band Yes. I chose to focus on the latter two qualities we have in common since I had a feeling someone else would post something about the first one.

The band Yes has gone through many incarnations in their 40+ years of existence.  Their arrival to a more mainstream crowd, however, came about in 1983 with the release of their 90125 album — the first of which to feature a guitarist and singer named Trevor Rabin. It was also produced by a former member of Yes, Trevor Horn, and spawned Yes’s first and only #1 hit, Owner of a Lonely Heart. I can’t lie — this was my gateway into the world of Yes, even though much of their music from the decade before sounded nothing like anything on 90125.

Perhaps their most atypical song was one on the second side of the LP, a piece called Leave It. It was a magical song with weird lyrics (a staple of all things Yes) and lots of vocal harmonies.  The music video was popular on MTV; in fact, there were fifteen different versions of the video created for novelty’s sake so that fans could figure out what subtle differences existed among them all.  The single for Leave It was released on ATCO records. And the B-side was a completely a capella version of the song.

Through the magic of my computer and sound editing software, I decided to give myself a challenge: to sing the a capella version of Leave It for this very blog entry.  To mask tracks of myself singing with other tracks of myself singing. To come together with eight voices of Shiny singing such a wonderfully atypical song of the band! It was going to be spectacular!

However, I gave up after recording three tracks of myself singing. I came to the realization that it simply sounded muddy. I do not have a recording studio in my home, and the cheap-o headphones I was using with the built in mic simply weren’t cutting it. Also. my voice sounded flat. And I couldn’t determine the harmonies for the first four measures of the song.

So I gave up.  And for that I’m ashamed.  How else could I demonstrate my common love of the music of Yes?  What other way could I demonstrate our shared interests?

And then I was thinking: Wait! People  make fun of Wayne all the time for his obsession with LOLCats!  What if I could somehow do something with that? True, I’m not a huge fan of LOLCats. But if there’s anything I’ve learned from the blogosphere, it’s important to pretend that you like certain things so people will like you and you’ll gain new readers! It is this healthy attitude which has allowed me to thrive through to today.

Which is why I present to you — LOLYes!


I do understand that many of you don’t have the working knowledge of Yes that Wayne and I do. Because of this, I’ve decided to give you some rudementary background while I post these pictures.  For instance — the trippy logo above? Created by artist Roger Dean! It was used by Yes on most of their albums — but not all of them. They have consulted with other artists who have created different logos. But this one seems to have stuck.


The fun thing about a band from the 60s which continues to tour is seeing how well (or poorly) these rockers age.  See the guy on the far right? That’s Steve Howe. He was in other bands like GTR and Asia. And he used to have a very strong mane of hair in the 80s.  And while his hands are truly a gift of guiltar playing from an early age,  his forehead has since emerged as a more prominent feature as of late.


You see? They used to be more photogenic! Kind of. Their debut album, cleverly titled “Yes” came out in 1967 or 68 or something.  It had virtually no hits. But there was a song called “Dear Father” which I like quite a bit despite the repetition.


That’s Steve Howe on guitar sometime in the mid-1980s! See what I mean about his hair? And speaking of hair, the guy with the tambourine on the left is not Doug Henning. It’s Jon Anderson, the lead singer for quite a big chunk of the group’s history. His voice is amazing. His taste in all clothes loose and comfortable on stage is just fun.


The 70s were kind to Yes. And their prescription eyewear. (Can you spot Jon Anderson? Hint: sleeves…)


“Yours is No Disgrace” is a powerful song off of The Yes Album. It’s about the world’s involvement with the Vietname War. I think. Honestly, I haven’t thought about it. I’ve seen Yes in concert three times, and each time they’ve opened with this song. Powerful.


South Side of the Sky was a rare, deep track off of their 1972 critically-acclaimed Fragile album.  It was lesser known than their infamous hit Roundabout from that very album. They usually don’t play the song. And it has nothing to do with the length of the drummer’s shorts. (Not Alan White; he didn’t join the band until right after Fragile was released. But he’s in the picture above.)


Going for the One was a departure for Yes in the late 1970s. They were inclined to record long symphony-type pieces with different movements. Take, for instance, their Tales From Topographic Oceans double album.  One song on each side. four sides, four songs. Not great if you have an attention span issue.  But Going For The One went back to shorter songs with more of an edgy, rocky feel to it.


That’s Chris Squire — the bassist for the band. He has more shelf life with Yes than anyone else! However, there was a period of time during which one of the lineups of the band decided to depart from Yes and form a group called “Anderson, Bruford, Wakeman and Howe” (ABWH) while Yes was still in existence with a different lineup. ABWH plus Chris Squire were the lineup for Fragile. They just… well, it was rumored that they didn’t get along well. But in 1990, Yes and ABWH merged and released an album called Union, which was bascially both groups just putting their own songs on. But Chris Squire was able to lay down some bass tracks for ABWH after all.

Oh — and the tour was pretty cool — an eight-member Yes performing. In the round. Fun times…


Jon Anderson had to cancel the tour last year because of some vocal problems. Poor guy. But poor Wayne! He felt very let down when this happened. Sadly, Jon will not be on tour this season for their latest lineup. Speedy Recovery, Mr. Anderson!

You know what? Me singing Leave It would have been a whole lot better. Again, Mr. Whall, I apologize.


— Shiny

12:01 am
Post Meta :

This blog is pretty much perfect.

It’s funny and smart and free of the vulgarity that you’ll see at lesser blogs.

There are few things I could think of that I could say or do that would add to the awesomeness that is Whall.Org.  I had to dig deep to find anything lacking, a need that has yet to be met by Wayne.

And then I found it…

The readers of Whall.Org are begging for MORE OBAMA!

Now, to be fair, I’m sure Wayne would have answered your cries for MORE OBAMA – but he’s on vacation.  So I, as his friend and fellow blogger, have taken it upon myself to answer your cries and fill the void.

Dear Whall readers, I give you funny and smart and free of vulgarity – and MORE OBAMA:

Get Adobe Flash player

Heck, I’ll even give you TWO PARTS:

Get Adobe Flash player

You’re welcome.

Hey there, my name is Hilly (snackiepoo, if you’re nasty) from Snackie’s World!  Most people who know me have heard of The PRB, my love for cupcakes, my incessant need to [bleeping] swear, my love for all things 80’s and uh…Snackie Sunday.  (Oh and the fact that I say “uh” just as much as I say [bleep]).  When Whallypoo asked me to guest post, I have to admit that I was extremely hesitant.  As much as I love Wayne and think he’s a [bleeping] amazing guy?  We don’t have many things in common.

For example, my favorite word is [bleepitybleepingbleeperbleeper] and Wayne doesn’t like to swear.  Hrm, or at least he doesn’t [bleeping] allow it on his blog.  As you can see, I’ve come up with a way to keep my “flavor” intact while still respecting his stinking wishes.  I’m sorta awesome like that.  Also?  Wayne likes to ride the elephant whereas I’m quite partial to the donkey.  In fact, I lean over so far left that I sometimes fall *off* of my donkey.  Hrm, what else?  Wayne is a family man through and through whereas I’m trying to figure out a way to date as many hot [bleeping] studs as possible once my divorce is final. Wayne also loves those [bleeping] LOL Cats.  [Bleep], he even creates his own!  If there is one Internet phenomenon that I cannot stand it is those [God bleeped, bleeping] LOL Cats.  They aren’t clever.  People may *think* they are being clever but no, you’re raping the English language, thanks.  (I think “raping” is not really a swear word so it stays).

Even with all of these differences between us, Wayne and I get along.  We share a love for blogging, tweeting and doing little things for others without thinking twice.  Wayne has a great heart and a great soul…because of that we remain friendly.  I have to believe, in my heart of hearts, that Wayne loves the 80’s just as much as I do.  He’s about my age and he knows the importance of a good era…or so I think.  [Bleep], I could be way off base here but whatever, this works in the context of achieving the best segue like…evar!  The thing about the 80’s is that it was my time…my formative years.  The movies of those days shaped me into this [bleeping] fantasticness that I am today!

Now that I’ve bored you, it’s time for…ws

Now then, some of you are young chickens…I get that.  Also, some of you are old-[bleep] chickens and I can dig that too.  With that being said, the movie or actor that “takes you back” to your formative years could be something out of a whole time frame where I never got a chance to groove.  So yeah, just pick your movie, your actor and get the [bleep] on with it.  Wayne and I don’t explain ourselves.  We’re doers…we’re too cool for school…we assume you’re as smart as we are.  Eh, we may be [bleeping bleepbags].

Oh wait, my answer!  Ha!  Any of the John Hughes films take me back and help me feel like I am young again.  My favorite film of that era is Weird Science.  In fact, I can recite that movie line for line but uh, I won’t because that is hella obnoxious.  (Hella is a surfer word, not really a swear word.)  What’s interesting about the actors from that movie is that when I see Robert Downey Jr. in movies, I’m not taken back at all.  Hrm, maybe because he’s made such a great career for himself?  However, whenever I see Anthony Michael Hall, I’m immediately quoting Farmer Ted or saying things like, “You’re absolutely right, Chet…you’re absolutely right!”.  Even when I watched The Dead Zone, I still felt all warm and tingly inside just knowing that I was watching Anthony Michael Hall!

Anywhalldle, it’s totally your [bleepingbleepingbleepbleepingbleep] turn!

Long Duck Dong Kisses,

7:15 am
Post Meta :

Being the original and creative writer that I am, I, BlondeBlogger. present to you “True or Whallse.” I’m going to list five things about Whall that are true, and five that are false. ” (I know….this has NEVER been done before, right?)

Your job is to pick the five statements that you believe are TRUE about the handsome technology genius. The person with the most correct answers gets to have a date with Whall at the LOLCat headquarters, wherever that is.

Okay, here we go:

1. Whall has never been stung by a bee.

2. Whall failed Spanish in high school.

3. Whall has ridden and completed the 172-mile, MS-150 charity bike ride eight times.

4. Whall spent Army basic training at Ft. Sill, Oklahoma.

5. Whall can juggle.

6. Whall’s first job was working for a ballet society.

7. Whall owns an antique gold hammer from the 1920’s.

8. Whall never went to college.

9. Whall’s nickname growing up was “Sugar Smack.”

10. Whall once ran out of gas in Topeka, Kansas.

Good luck!

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