About the author.

Welcome to The blog of whall

Come on in and stay a while… laugh a little. Maybe even think. Read more...

Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

11:00 pm
Post Meta :
  • Who needs a stairway to heaven when you have two different stairways to Wayne? http://t.co/a6l6mY2e #
  • Smartphones: for when you still want to be wrong about the forecast, but you want to be wrong *faster*. #
  • Anybody want Greek food? I'm buying*

    * some restrictions apply. Offer not valid outside 5mile radius of current location. Cannot be combin #

  • Darn. Nobody took me up on my offer for free food. Sometimes I just don't understand people! (@ Athens Grill) http://t.co/DvKflHE7 #
  • Ok I have the next killer podcast. @blogography and I watch news together and comment live. Either can pause. Alternate Fox/msnbc/CNN #
  • I suspect Julian Assange is Bill Maher's illegitimate child. Don't you see it? #
  • This is who I'm spending the evening with tonight. http://t.co/egjQNbyS #
  • I need a service that can sync all my sync services. #
  • Sometimes the right headphones make all the difference. http://t.co/nQs75VgN #saynotoearbuds #
  • I look forward to the day when Foursquare can tell me I'm using the same bathroom stall as some celebrity I follow once did. #
  • Entire hotel power just went out. Just as I arrived to my room, like seconds out of the elevator. Now to dream funky. #
  • And I'm reminded of the many benefits to my iP4: my alarm will work, a flashlight, and I can tweet my woes to everyone. #
  • Me too! MT @renagerie saddens me that I haven't met @sybillaw. The fact that she's my blog's most reliable commenter highlights failing. #
  • I feel like @poppycedes and @nycwd should be here with me (@ Dunkin' Donuts) [pic]: http://t.co/bpS3nPA2 #
  • Friend bought the Asus Transformer Prime netbook:tablet combo. Pretty sweet I must say. #
  • In case you were wondering exactly how big these beats were, they are of the leprechaun-stepping genre. #
  • Yes it's finally open (@ Whataburger) http://t.co/C0ASxWzr #
  • I'm thinking about live tweeting the game. I won't be watching it, just live tweeting it. Think I could get a sponsor? #
  • So this app almost seems worth $1.99 — 200 super bowl ads. http://t.co/DY6UKJNg 2006-now #
  • Folks, smoking kills. Here's proof
    http://t.co/v9sYGbAz #
2:51 pm
Post Meta :

Birthdays are awesome.

Birthdays, when one has a Facebook account, are even more awesome.

Birthdays, when one has a Facebook account and your birthday is on a Monday, are even most awesome.

Birthdays, yada yada Facebook, Monday and your friends are so bored at work they look for anything to do but work, are THE BEST EVER.

If I had a dollar for every character typed on my Facebook Wall used in accordance with happy birthday wishes, well, I’d probably pay someone else to blog for me.  As you can see from my past posts, that duty comes pretty cheap. 

Fortunately I have great blog friends who pity me and give me content FOR FREE that I can use ROYALTY FREE and so I don’t have to pay because it’s FREE.

WHO ELSE AMONG YOU gets a one-of-a-kind Davetoon?


Oh wait.  I didn’t crop off the copyright all the way.  Well, I guess that makes it mostly royalty free.  I don’t even know any royalty, so I’m about as royalty free as you can get.  I mean, look at my whalltoon – I’m wearing a hawaiian shirt.  People who wear hawaiian shirts don’t get to meet royalty.

Thank you, Dave for the picture.

And Thank YOU to all the rest of you who reached out to wish me a Happy Birthday, or will at some point today.   The whole weekend was great and this week has started off in stellar fashion.

I have but one Birthday Wish if you feel like doing something good for your fellow band. 

No, not “fellow man.”  “Fellow band”.

You see, my wife and I are members of the Vandegrift Band Boosters.  Our daughter is a senior at Vandegrift High, and she’s an active member of the award-winning Viper Band.  One of the things us boosters have is a program called “Effortless Giving“.  This is a way for people to support the band without actually donating any of their own money.

Yeah, I thought I’d get your attention with that last part.

Some of our Effortless Giving sponsors are local to the High School area (Capital City Running, Take 5 Haircuts, Pizza Hut).  It might be hard for some of you in other states or countries to take advantage of these offers, so I thought I’d ask you to consider helping by using some of the “it doesn’t matter where you are” opportunities.

If you purchase anything from Amazon and you start your search from our webpage, the band gets a donation from Amazon on your behalf.  If you shop at Safeway or Randall’s, you can add us to your membership card and they’ll send us 1% of your purchases.  If there’s a Compass Bank near you, you can tie your account to us and we get a percentage of your debit card purchases.  And using Goodsearch or the Goodsearch toolbar is a great way to support us as well.

So take a look at some of these ways to support my daughter’s band, and whistle the rest of the year knowing you helped a great guy on his birthday support a great cause.  And best of all, you didn’t have to spend any money to do it.

Thank you.






11:00 pm
Post Meta :
  • First read this as "Terry Gilliam" RT @Faiqa Terry McMillan on Letting Go of Anger – Video – OWN TV http://t.co/x9ND97mn #
  • RT @DemetriMartin Overheard today in restaurant: "Can you stop listening to our conversation?" #
  • If you "got served" by a procrastinator, you've been postpwned. #
  • Humid + Cool + Breezy = Amazing. Humid + Warm + Stagnant = not so much. Today's weather = Amazing #
  • Jaden: Sounds like they're saying "BLAAAHH blah-blah Blah BLAH!" (Billy Squier's "My Kind of Lover" was playing on the radio) #
  • Today's weather is totally Shark Extreme good #
  • I concur RT @poppycede @Blogography @blondefabulous Yay! #
  • Uh oh. Paranormal Activity 2 is on netflix now. Saw 1st 1; rental fee prevented me from watching 2nd. But now? http://t.co/UMRYrrB1 #
  • All you peeps who use the word "squee", my phone has something to say http://t.co/sa4uRLnp #squee #
  • Yay! We're going to State! Congrats to the Viper Band! – at Vandegrift High School Band Hall http://t.co/zuGXkyQs #
  • This calls for a Nelson "HaHa!" #Occupy Wall Street demonstrators face New York's first #snowstorm of season. http://t.co/fNCX7mb7 #
  • You can't be in two places at once. But according to Gowalla, you *can* be in three places at once. http://t.co/snPjSC91 #
11:00 pm
Post Meta :
  • Pretty much my staple place. Love the food, close to IAD and open 24hr – at Amphora Diner http://t.co/6BTYtkhJ #
  • How fitting is that — I'm in Rockville. #
  • At the end of the da, there's ta. #
  • Airport code, FTW #
  • The menus light up! They're like iPads or something! – at American Tap Room Classic Grill http://t.co/HQfJfJzW #
  • Heard great things… Now to see if it's true – at Matchbox vintage pizza bistro http://t.co/6zmCaZfL #
  • Coming your way, Newark. Prepare thyself – at BWI Baltimore-Washington International http://t.co/wZ7nfOQD #
  • The part of "@Blogography, Man of Travel w/Several Travel issues" will be played today by @whall. We hope you enjoy this change. #
  • I wonder who I can crash with in NJ/NY if I get stranded in Newark tonight… #
  • Made it! I think. – at EWR Newark Liberty International http://t.co/XNwvynbS #
  • What will YOU do when it's discovered that it's the sunscreen causing the skin cancer? #
  • Hey, I hear Todd Jeffries from @590klbj announcing tonight's football game at Gupton Stadium. Neat. #
  • Cue the "Awwwww" http://t.co/hg2nYqcF #
  • Go Vipers! – at Round Rock ISD Athletic Complex http://t.co/t2TQpw02 #
  • Hmm. Eye phone icons saying "Cleaning" under them, then label moves to another. http://t.co/cSQX7foq #
  • Jaden will be attempting to earn his Geology badge here – at Texas Memorial Museum http://t.co/iMfesmS7 #
  • RT @vhsband Vandegrift receives a Division I rating at the 2011 UIL Region 26 Marching Competition http://t.co/hgKFGUII #

Yesterday, a dozen or so band parents got together to host a celebratory fiesta lunch in the band hall.  We served tortillas, beef, beans, pico, cheese, lettuce and chips to about 120 students, faculty and one extra special guest.

This guest?  Let it not be a Mystery – rather, it’s the one-and-only Gilbert Elorreaga, aka “Mr. E“.

Let me tell you a little about Mr. E.

  1. He’s a talented private lesson teacher at my daughter’s high school (Vandegrift).
  2. The kids love him – he’s funny, giving, and extremely good at teaching his students.
  3. He played with the trumpets once at one of our football games, up in the stands, blaring out OH_MY_GOODNESS notes from his trumpet.  You know, like that good.
  4. Oh, and he won a Grammy last week.


There’s more.  I have a PICTURE of ME with A GRAMMY WINNER.

You want more info?  I gots it.

Gilbert is a trumpet player in the Latin funk orchestra Grupo Fantasma.  I mean, can you imagine?  Latin.  Plus Funk.  Plus Orchestra.  Amazing, to say the least.  The band directors played their Grammy-winning album El Existential for us while we all ate some Latin Funk Orchestra food.  You can go online and stream it, buy it, look for tour dates and follow this fantastic group.

The VHS Band Parent volunteers went all out — we had multiple tables full of food, drink and dessert.  OMG the dessert.  Take a look at this Grammy Cake table

The kids lined up after Mr. E. and joined in to congratulate him on his epic win.

You can go online to grammy.com and watch the acceptance (you need to fast forward to the end of the video and it will start Part 2, and then fast forward to 10:35 and you’ll see them).  Or you can see a few screenshots here.

I mean, just look at their competition. I can’t even pronounce some of those names, they’re that good.

Way to go, Mr. E!

(Note: this blog post came about via a twitter conversation with Dave2 from Blogography, Vahid aka Iron Fist and martymankins from Banal Leakage.  I now have fulfilled my obligation and am eagerly awaiting my check)

While Ren has been getting to know his Prius, I’ve come to know a different kind of hybrid – a hard drive kind of hybrid.

My home laptop has needed an upgrade for a while now — 250GB sounds like a lot, but with photos, videos, a large music library, tons of archived email and install/tools dating back to the late 90’s ends up taking more space.  I’ve also gotten a bit of the gaming bug, and some of the games I’ve installed are a whopping 20GB by themselves.

On a PC, having “breathing room” on your hard drive is very important.  You don’t want to fill up very much because then the system will be forced to spend time trying to find nooks and crannies to put your files, and when it has to do that, it gets very busy.  It’s like having a 2000 page phone book, see, and you put pages 1-12 in Austin, pages 13-150 in DC Area, pages 151-570 in PA, 571-844 in FL845-923 back in TX, 924-1388 in WA, 1389-1438 in Canada, 1439-1554 in NYC, 1555-1673 in Amsterdam, 1674-1899 in Utah and the rest in Mexico.  You’d get really busy trying to flip through the book, but on the bright side, you’d probably have a TON of fun visiting all those places.


I was recently reading Dave’s “Enthusiasm” post, wherein he admits to the blogging community that he is, in fact, mortal.

By “mortal” I mean that he experiences ruts where the impetus to blog every single day is threatened by outside factors.  Such as life.  And the desire to have a semi-private blog (in that intimate personal details are not shared). That got me thinking.  *I* have a life.  *I* have a semi-private blog.  *I* have a few cartoon monkey pictures on my blog.

It’s like we’re TWINS.

Anyways, I was feeling for my buddy Dave2.  I wanted him to feel better.  I wanted him to feel like things mattered.  I wanted him to have a purpose again with his blogging.

Mainly, I wanted to call dibs on his artwork if he ever shuts down.

With this, I present to you, an Open Letter to Blogography

Hey bud.  Don’t let the blog thing get you down.  We all get the doldrums.  The twitches.  The “if I have to go click ‘new post’ ONE MORE TIME I’m gonna lose it” feeling.

That’s why we’re here.  Yes, us.  Your blog friends.  We won’t let you down.

Hey! I gots an idea!  You mentioned guest posting in your bag ‘o tricks.

You could set up a place where all sorts of people could write guest posts online and they’d be submitted into some “For Dave’s Eyes Only” queue.  You would then read them, review, and rate them with a special Davometer Scale.

Then, whenever you feel like you don’t have enough to write about, you’d dive into the massive quantities of submissions, and sort them by your Davometer Readings.

Once you settled into the perfect post, the one that is worth not only everyone’s time but also the gracing of blogography.com, you’d proceed to rip it apart, make fun of it, caricature the author in an unflattering light and ruin their online careers! 



You’d tell everyone in your blog post what you saw in each post, what you liked, what you didn’t like. You’d even pretend to care (bonus if you can pull off a British accent and work in phrases like “Good-bye” and “You’re fired” but I think those are taken, so maybe “You’re a bad monkayyyy…” with a little pointy finger while you crouch to the side).

However, all the while, the viewership knows somebody’s going to get punk’d and good.  It’s like Pimp My Ride meets Death Race 2000, and you’re the mechanic, the warden and the loan shark all in one.

You’d put up their original guest post for people to see.  Then you’d put up the “Dave-ized” version, with slick professional graphics, demeaning redlining and point out all the little problems with the post. 

If that weren’t enough, you’d then subject the author’s future to a voting system.  You’d set up an online tally where people would vote DAVE or BAD MONKEY.  DAVE is good.  BAD MONKEY is bad.

If the author received more BAD MONKEYs than DAVE’s, then you would ban them from your blog, and everyone else who reads your blog would have to abandon their blogs too (to fail to do so would subject all commenters from being banned themselves).


HERE’S THE TWIST.  All commenters must submit a guest post entry each month to Dave2’s queue in order to be granted privileges to continue commenting.  Therefore, one can’t join in the heckling and demeaning of another online human being unless they subject themselves to the same potential degradation. 


This idea is sooooo good, it earned not one, but FOUR “TOTALLY BITCHIN'” DAVE AWARDS


5:30 pm
Post Meta :

You may have seen some of my recent tweets that I’ve been trying to decide between keeping my Blackberry 8700C or upgrading to an iPhone 3GS.

Side note: I like how each of the manufacturers like to double up their graphics whenever showing off a phone.  It’s like you subconsciously get TWO phones.

I have my personal list of PROs and CONs about each phone/service.  What I’d like from you is not necessarily a vote for one of the other (because WHICH phone YOU would choose is less applicable than WHY), but instead, list your likes and dislikes of each.

Here are the facts first:

  • I’m currently with AT&T and I qualify for the upgrade discounts… so I’m pretty sure that means $99 for 8GB old iPhone, $199 for 16GB new iPhone and $299 for 32GB new iPhone.
  • I believe I’d save $15-20 a month on the iPhone all-inclusive plan over the Blackberry all inclusive plan.  I still have to confirm this, though.  (We already have unlimited texting on our family plan)
  • I’m an Enterprise user and my group administers the BES at work (some of you know what that means and why it’s a factor).
  • I’m an extremely fast typer and I rely heavily on email functionality, both work-related (Exchange) and personal (Gmail via IMAP).

I think what I’ll do is this: I’ll let Dave2 make his very witty and comedic-yet-unrelated comment, and then I’ll sit and watch the PROs and CONs filter in from all you smart and helpful folk.  Later, when everyone’s had a chance, I’ll see if any of mine were missed and I’ll add them in.  I guess really what I’m saying is I may steal the thunder from a lot of comments if I list out all my factors, and I don’t want to pre-empt comments.  I love comments. 

Feel free to be as technical as you want.  Or as frilly, I don’t care.

I saw the “Twitter Mosaic” on renagerie.com, who tipped the hat to libragirl.  Evidently, this tool creates a bunch of HTML code you can stick in your blog that creates a mosaic of your followers.

So, I did that, and here are my comments / questions so far:

  • I thought it would give me a simple graphic to host on my blog, but it actually generates a bunch of links and image tags that go to Amazon’s system.  That means that when you go to a blog with a twitter mosaic, it’s actually pulling images from Amazon’s S3 service.  That’s both weird and cool – weird that I need to depend on an outside system to be working for my blog to function; and cool because it reduces the load from my server.
  • I couldn’t find out the logic behind the order – is it using the number of @replies?  Does it count how many tweets that person does?  Is it taking into account any “favorites”?  Is it anything but random?  Maybe it’s the order in which you followed people or the other way around… 
  • Evidently you can make the mosaic from followers or friends, so I guess you can rate your level of narcisism. 
  • This reminded me, but only a little, of the wordles I made from all my tweets.  I feel like doing that again for some reason, but for some other reason I won’t.

Without further ado, here’s my twitter mosaic:

This was fun!


First of all, whoa.


Did you guys love all these guest posts as much as I did? I’ve half a mind to stop blogging myself and just get 20-30 people to commit to one guest post per month and just have them write for me.

Who’s with me!!!!!??

The side benefit to this master scheme is that, as you probably have noticed yourself, these bloggers end up writing BETTER material when they guest post than the stuff they normally put on their own blogs.

What? Isn’t this a reverse roast?

As LeSombre would say, Quel Frommage.

Let’s recap a little.

First, Dave2 from Blogography teed things off by actually making a BAD WAYNKEY!  He cleverly embedded it into a intolerance-based liberally biased anti-establishment fascist piece of propaganda disguised as a comic, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.  He even published an extended Behind The Scenes edition, only this time, with less New Kids On The Block shrines.

Then BlondeBlogger came by and deposited into the bank of whall a series of 10 questions and the readers were to pick which 5 were true.  The winner, Ren, supposedly gets “have a date with Whall at the LOLCat headquarters.”  I’ll pre-emptively accept his withdrawal from the contest.  I got another true statement: BB is hot.  Just look!

After BB came Hilly, aka snackiepoo.  She was able to conform to the strict Puritan values my blog espouses (yeah, right [bleepitybleeper!]) and bring on the Weird Science for us all.  She also pointed out all of our differences.  Thanx for that (WTF Hilly, you ride donkeys?!?!?).  But she did point out our commonalities- I do love the 80’s, I do have a great heart, and I LOVE TWEETING AND BLOGGING.

Then it got all serious-like.  Miss Britt infected my blog with Obamfluenza H1N1.  I had to go into quarantine and everything!  Usually, any given type of flu has an incubation period anywhere from 72 hours to 7 days, but evidently if one drinks the kool-aid fast enough, he or she can be overcome within minutes, afflicted with such symptoms as incredulous mysterious adulation towards public figures, radical socialist views, and a shrieking voice when debating (or so I’ve heard).  After watching 15+ minutes of Funny Obama, even *I* started experiencing my own symptoms of tolerance, acceptance and open-mindedness.  Fortunately for me I was able to purchase a new copy of Atlas Shrugged while on vacation, which is a common antidote for apathy-inducing liberalism.  WHEW!

And then?  YES!  YESSSSSSSS!  OMG YES!  No, I’m not having an episode. I’m still reeling from the awesome YES-laden guest post from Mr Shiny.  Here’s what I don’t get about Shiny – he’s undoubtedly one of the top 3 funniest, wittiest, smartest bloggers I’ve ever had the pleasure to read.  He’s absolutely brilliant.  I mean, there are bloggers out there I enjoy to read, but Shiny’s posts make me laugh out loud.  But he hardly gets any comments!  Even his guest post for me had the fewest comments out of all the guest posters.  I just don’t understand that.  It’s almost as if his posts are so good people find themselves unworthy to comment.   His LOLyes pictures were awesome, especially for huge YES fans such as myself.   And Shiny? I’d love to hear the Leave It track… I’m thinking of doing one too so maybe we can team up on that idea sometime.

Ren from Renagerie.com followed up the Amazing Mr Shiny with a clever new take on LOLcats, my blog and made something unique – WHALL-anti-cats.  He took photos he had of me over our 10yr friendship and captioned them with actual blog post titles from my blog.  And WOW.  He did nineteen (19) lolcaptionblogtitlethingies!  I think my favorite in the series is “an’ you’ll be poppin, lickin and breakin in no time…”  And yes, it’s all about the dorkiness of Wayne.

*content sigh*.  Then Poppy came to my blog and made it aww bettaw.  It wuz so pwehshush!  She whalljacked my blog and made an eccentric vlog with one of the sexiest coolest overdub narration voices you’ll ever hear.  And I think some rap.  And something about “Dirty Wayne” which is almost as nice sounding as I expect “Naughty Wayne” would sound like.  Thank you Poppy.  Thank you for the YES tie-in, the voiceover and the awesomeness you gave my blog.  And something about a lollipop in it or something.

What guest post whallstravaganza would be complete without a fatwha?  Faiqa from Native Born, aka Supreme Magistrate of All Things Wise, Prudent and Being Generally Better Than Everyone Else Without Even Trying of the NBLA, unleashed the NBLA’s demands on the world when they actually DID whalljack me with normal and just atypically terroristic and extremist demands.  I’m so glad they did. You will pay for your insolence.  I have seen the error of my ways.  Chuck Norris is gonna go all up in your face and roundhouse kick every turban off every extremist muslim head.  I’ve corrected my behavior and even built a time machine, went back in time, and put in TWO votes for Barack Obama just to make sure.  With just one roundhouse kick. I’m so glad my eyes have been opened. Blindfolded.  Please forgive me for my past.  And then LOLcaption it.  Sincerely, Marmontiansese Nbyuti Barack Hussein Obama (tongue click) W. Hall whall.  PS: May I express my fondness for your aesthetic qualities? My lord, you’re hot.

The final instwhallment of the guest post gala was performed by Mr Avitable.  From Avitable.com.  His last name is Avitable.  He doesn’t like it pronounced Avitable, he prefers it Avitable.  It can be a littable difficult to fittable the right syllables befittable such an iminitable Avitable, but it’ll make the fiddle knittable, said the quittable riddle in the middle.  I think I need to make this whole thing DITLable.  Now does everyone know how to pronounce Avitable?  Good. Now to his blog post.  He copied Faiqa.  End of story.  NEXT!

All in all, I think it was a quality showing.  I don’t know about you, but I’m already looking forward to my next vacation!

PS: Who was your favorite? I’ve been looking to start up some drama around here to drive up traffic, so which one did you hate and which on pwned the others?

Which guest posts were your favorites

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PS#2: The “Part V” in the title is a little secret.  Can anyone guess what it’s in reference to?

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