About the author.

Welcome to The blog of whall

Come on in and stay a while… laugh a little. Maybe even think. Read more...

Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

Yesterday on the way home my daughter and I saw car with a customized Dallas Cowboy license plate with the phrase

WWJJD

Since I’m not a big Cowboys fan, it took me a while to realize what the extra “J” was doing in there.  Haha, clever.

But then I remembered something I heard in one of the videos I had posted earlier about innovation, and something the speaker said stuck in my head then, and that was WWCD.  WWCD stood for What Would Croeses (cresus) do?  Croeses was famous for his wealth.  In today’s terms, you might think Bill Gates, George Sorros or Donald Trump.  When posed with an intriguing problem, one way to generate ideas on how to solve the problem would think – What would someone with near unlimited resources do to solve the problem?  By going down that road, the act brainstorming can pick up tons of fodder that can be sorted out later on.

It didn’t take me long to turn the focus to where it belonged – on me, naturally – so I asked myself “how could I brand WWWD?”  What Would Wayne Do?  But then I figured – who cares about what *I’d* do? 

What people REALLY want to know is… what do I want?  The important thing is for what THEY can do for ME.

So now I bring you, WWWW – What Would Wayne Want?  A new series on ye olde blog of whall where you can stay in-the-know of things I want so you may do your duty to Whall and to country.

In the first installment, I want you to go wish Miss Britt a happy birthday.  She turned 30 this past week, and a select few of us took the time and submitted happy birthday videos and photos, and some random guy on the Internet went and made a video of it all.  And I made the cut!!!

PS: I think that guy should be strung up.  I mean, he made her cry.  CRY!  As if there isn’t enough pain in this world, he goes and makes the tears fall.  Horrible, horrible man.

 

 

Fortunately for me, my family, my employer and teh interwebs, Ren and I did NOT wake up to the realization that we could not recall the previous #VegasBB weekend and have to retrace our steps to find Adam.

whangover-title3

Of course, if my Photoshopping skillz were better, the above movie poster would have been modified with our faces.  As such, I am entrusting you, dear reader, to use your fantastic imagination and help me out.  I want you to envision a perfectly inserted crop of Adam’s face for the bearded guy holding the baby (cringe if you must), Ren as the guy in the back, and put in me with my missing tooth holding some ice.  While you’re at it, also visualize that I expertly removed the extraneous “the” from inside the letter O.

See, if I was better at Photoshop (or gimp in my case), then I could’ve done all those changes in the time it took for me to describe the changes to you.

If you’re really good at this whole creativity exercise, go ahead and put in Poppy‘s face for the baby in the picture.

Why?

Well, if you MUST know, she’s the winner from my last post!  I went through and counted twelve (12) valid entries for people wishing us luck on our trip, then put those names in a list in excel numbered 1-12, and used random.org’s widget on the front page to determine a winner (#4).

See how her face would be perfect for that cover?

poppy-rejoice

As for #VegasBB, we had a great time.  I met some fun folks and widened my blogging horizons a little. 

Many super sets of immense thanktitude to the hosts and all the people who helped put it on – Erin (@Queenofspain) & Megan (@undomesticdiva) in particular.  The drinks never ran dry, the @Vdog snorts never stopped, the laughter never died down and most importantly, the blackmail video never stopped rolling. 

Oh yes, I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to retire on the digitial arsenal I captured. 

Let the bidding begin.

It’s official.

Ren and I are going to Vegas for our birthdays this December. 

If I had the time and inclination, I’d photoshop our faces into this apropos movie poster.  I’m still trying to figure out which of us would be which actor. 

Both of us have birthdays in December, and we were chatting it up during pool league how we need to do another road trip. You know, like our TequilaCon 2009 road trip where we took video but I never made a DITL, er I mean RITL (Roadtrip In The Life) for it?  *THAT* kind of road trip.

Then it hit us that we should go to Vegas. 

Turns out there’s already a big blogger birthday bash going on during my actual birthday (Saturday the 12th), and there are a million or so bloggers going.  So after comparing flights, holiday vacation travel for the Halls (what I like to call Hall-iday travel), vacation time from work and hotel options, we made our plans.

Friday the 11th to Monday the 14th.   Join us!

What makes the accommodations especially cool is my RCI membership – we snagged an entire week at a resort for pretty cheap.  We’re not staying the whole week, but it ended up being cheaper than a hotel would have cost per night during the days we’ll be there, AND we get a full kitchen.

The blogger bash is going on at Planet Hollywood and place we chose to stay at is just a couple blocks from there.  Ren’s not on Facebook, but so far out of the 40+ people confirmed attending, I only recognize two faces, and one of them is mine.

attending

So I will finally be able to meet Adam. 

I wonder.  Is the blogosphere ready for us to meet?

Here’s the official (is it official? it LOOKS official) link and picture that includes the obligatory Elvis, coming from the folks I’ve never heard of at Room 704.  All I know about them is that they are women and drinking is somehow involved.  What more can you ask for?

September
28
2009
8:13 am
Categories:
Tags:
Post Meta :

Yeah, I don’t blog enough. Whatever.

So here’s another installment of How Lucky Is Wayne, Anyway? (a less successful but more interesting offshoot of Whose Line Is It, Anyway?)

lucky

For Round 1, we display his recent winnings at Avitable’s Avitaween raffle contest.  (Don’t you dare click over there if you still have decency and wholesomeness on your soul’s business card.  You’ve been warned.)  The Universe saw Wayne eyeing Ren’s recent Invaded! T-shirt purchase and knew that he wanted not one, but TWO of these shirts.  Universe also knew that although Wayne would have loved to go to Avitaween this year, it wasn’t to be, so The Universe saw to it that someone else won the actual plane trip to go to the party.

So now I’m a winner* and have to choose my shirts.  Naturally, I have to get one of Dave’s

invaded

I’m not sure on the other one yet, but it will probably be the splatter one. 

Stay tuned for my next post, which will probably be some additional bragging about how lucky I am, such as the job I just landed.

Thanx!,
Wayne

* see how I switched from third person to first person?  Winners do that.

First of all, whoa.

WHOA.

Did you guys love all these guest posts as much as I did? I’ve half a mind to stop blogging myself and just get 20-30 people to commit to one guest post per month and just have them write for me.

Who’s with me!!!!!??

The side benefit to this master scheme is that, as you probably have noticed yourself, these bloggers end up writing BETTER material when they guest post than the stuff they normally put on their own blogs.

What? Isn’t this a reverse roast?

As LeSombre would say, Quel Frommage.

Let’s recap a little.

First, Dave2 from Blogography teed things off by actually making a BAD WAYNKEY!  He cleverly embedded it into a intolerance-based liberally biased anti-establishment fascist piece of propaganda disguised as a comic, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.  He even published an extended Behind The Scenes edition, only this time, with less New Kids On The Block shrines.

Then BlondeBlogger came by and deposited into the bank of whall a series of 10 questions and the readers were to pick which 5 were true.  The winner, Ren, supposedly gets “have a date with Whall at the LOLCat headquarters.”  I’ll pre-emptively accept his withdrawal from the contest.  I got another true statement: BB is hot.  Just look!

After BB came Hilly, aka snackiepoo.  She was able to conform to the strict Puritan values my blog espouses (yeah, right [bleepitybleeper!]) and bring on the Weird Science for us all.  She also pointed out all of our differences.  Thanx for that (WTF Hilly, you ride donkeys?!?!?).  But she did point out our commonalities- I do love the 80’s, I do have a great heart, and I LOVE TWEETING AND BLOGGING.

Then it got all serious-like.  Miss Britt infected my blog with Obamfluenza H1N1.  I had to go into quarantine and everything!  Usually, any given type of flu has an incubation period anywhere from 72 hours to 7 days, but evidently if one drinks the kool-aid fast enough, he or she can be overcome within minutes, afflicted with such symptoms as incredulous mysterious adulation towards public figures, radical socialist views, and a shrieking voice when debating (or so I’ve heard).  After watching 15+ minutes of Funny Obama, even *I* started experiencing my own symptoms of tolerance, acceptance and open-mindedness.  Fortunately for me I was able to purchase a new copy of Atlas Shrugged while on vacation, which is a common antidote for apathy-inducing liberalism.  WHEW!

And then?  YES!  YESSSSSSSS!  OMG YES!  No, I’m not having an episode. I’m still reeling from the awesome YES-laden guest post from Mr Shiny.  Here’s what I don’t get about Shiny – he’s undoubtedly one of the top 3 funniest, wittiest, smartest bloggers I’ve ever had the pleasure to read.  He’s absolutely brilliant.  I mean, there are bloggers out there I enjoy to read, but Shiny’s posts make me laugh out loud.  But he hardly gets any comments!  Even his guest post for me had the fewest comments out of all the guest posters.  I just don’t understand that.  It’s almost as if his posts are so good people find themselves unworthy to comment.   His LOLyes pictures were awesome, especially for huge YES fans such as myself.   And Shiny? I’d love to hear the Leave It track… I’m thinking of doing one too so maybe we can team up on that idea sometime.

Ren from Renagerie.com followed up the Amazing Mr Shiny with a clever new take on LOLcats, my blog and made something unique – WHALL-anti-cats.  He took photos he had of me over our 10yr friendship and captioned them with actual blog post titles from my blog.  And WOW.  He did nineteen (19) lolcaptionblogtitlethingies!  I think my favorite in the series is “an’ you’ll be poppin, lickin and breakin in no time…”  And yes, it’s all about the dorkiness of Wayne.

*content sigh*.  Then Poppy came to my blog and made it aww bettaw.  It wuz so pwehshush!  She whalljacked my blog and made an eccentric vlog with one of the sexiest coolest overdub narration voices you’ll ever hear.  And I think some rap.  And something about “Dirty Wayne” which is almost as nice sounding as I expect “Naughty Wayne” would sound like.  Thank you Poppy.  Thank you for the YES tie-in, the voiceover and the awesomeness you gave my blog.  And something about a lollipop in it or something.

What guest post whallstravaganza would be complete without a fatwha?  Faiqa from Native Born, aka Supreme Magistrate of All Things Wise, Prudent and Being Generally Better Than Everyone Else Without Even Trying of the NBLA, unleashed the NBLA’s demands on the world when they actually DID whalljack me with normal and just atypically terroristic and extremist demands.  I’m so glad they did. You will pay for your insolence.  I have seen the error of my ways.  Chuck Norris is gonna go all up in your face and roundhouse kick every turban off every extremist muslim head.  I’ve corrected my behavior and even built a time machine, went back in time, and put in TWO votes for Barack Obama just to make sure.  With just one roundhouse kick. I’m so glad my eyes have been opened. Blindfolded.  Please forgive me for my past.  And then LOLcaption it.  Sincerely, Marmontiansese Nbyuti Barack Hussein Obama (tongue click) W. Hall whall.  PS: May I express my fondness for your aesthetic qualities? My lord, you’re hot.

The final instwhallment of the guest post gala was performed by Mr Avitable.  From Avitable.com.  His last name is Avitable.  He doesn’t like it pronounced Avitable, he prefers it Avitable.  It can be a littable difficult to fittable the right syllables befittable such an iminitable Avitable, but it’ll make the fiddle knittable, said the quittable riddle in the middle.  I think I need to make this whole thing DITLable.  Now does everyone know how to pronounce Avitable?  Good. Now to his blog post.  He copied Faiqa.  End of story.  NEXT!

All in all, I think it was a quality showing.  I don’t know about you, but I’m already looking forward to my next vacation!

PS: Who was your favorite? I’ve been looking to start up some drama around here to drive up traffic, so which one did you hate and which on pwned the others?

Which guest posts were your favorites

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

PS#2: The “Part V” in the title is a little secret.  Can anyone guess what it’s in reference to?

If there were seven brides for seven brothers, how many inlaws does that make?

Windows 7 Beta

As I believe I’ve mentioned before but am too lazy to go find the link, I upgraded my primary work laptop to Windows 7 Beta, build 7000.  I’m still loving it.  The standard OS at the company I work for is still XP, so this kind of jump is like 1.21 gigaparsecs in a kessel Mr Fusion run.  I was on Vista for about a year before that, so I was mostly ready for the user interface changes.

windows-7-info2

First impression – FAST.  Second impression: WHOA THIS IS SO FAST.  Fourth impression: What happened to the third impression?  Wait, I know!  It must have gone by too fast.

Windows 7 performs faster, looks better, backs up great, is more intuitive, is more easily managed, has cooler tools built-in and crashes left often.  All of my drivers worked (except for a Canoscan Lide 60 scanner; still working on that).

I tried upgrading to the latest leaked version, 7057 but I encountered errors so I’ll wait a while to see if another one gets leaked.  What’s exciting about this is that typically, beta software is slower than the actual release because developers usually work on stability rather than performance.  So I expect the actual release to be even faster than the one I have loaded.

That’ll do, Microsoft.  That’ll do.

I’m totally blogging this

I’m a sucker and I can prove it.

whall-totally-blogging

Your all-time-favorite NSFW blogger Avitable made an irresistible t-shirt and I snagged me one.  Yes, it has “whall.org” on the back.  I’m completely advertising myself for myself on myself.

Judge not, lest ye be flogged.

Utterz you may have MISC’ed

Best of LOLcats

lolcats-71-0

lolcats-71-1

lolcats-71-2

lolcats-71-3

lolcats-71-4

lolcats-71-5

lolcats-71-6

lolcats-71-7lolcats-71-8

lolcats-71-9

November
30
2008
8:45 pm
Categories:
Tags:
Post Meta :

Google has this new tool called Google Trends (which I first saw over on this post at Chris Brennan’s Astrology Site).  It lets you check out the daily/monthly/yearly trends of different searches and how popular they are over time.  For example, today’s popular searches include the shuttle landing, Cyber Monday deals, and a sonic boom.

One of the things I noticed when I started this blog was my lack of comments compared to “the big guys”.  There are all these sites out there with dozens of comments every single day, and some of them get over 50.  EVERY DAY!  I barely can even blog every day much less go out and comment on other people’s blogs to drum up interest.  What I REALLY need is a dictation / transcription system that lets me listen to blogs and comment on them with my phone.  Jott and utterz seem to be a good step in the right direction, but it’s just not there yet.

Then I got to thinking – maybe I can check Google Trends to see how popular I am compared to the big guys.

So I did a quick check of “wayne“, “dave” and “adam“.  And was I suprised!

Looks like Wayne (in blue) is gaining popularity, Dave (in red) is on the down trend and Adam (in yellow) has no change.  Yay google!

I don’t want Dave to feel bad about this, though.  I mean, when I track the relative popularity of his Arch Nemesis, Ann Coulter, it’s just about no contest whatsoever.

Ann coulter, down there in green, just can’t compare to the power of Wayne, Dave and Adam.

So look on the bright side, Dave.  At least you’re a million times more popular than Ann Coulter. 🙂

Speaking of love, you can send some fundraising love over to Jaden, our 6yr old by reading about how to satisfy your chocolate addiction or if you’re in need of wrapping paper, neat gifts or nuts, desserts and other such confections.

Two readers have sprinkled a little blog love on me.   There’s a “I heart your blog” theme going on and Kapgar of kapgar.com and Marty (aka ChillyWilly from comments) from Banal Leakage are both secure enough in their hetersexuality to issue a hand-drawn pink puffy heart love note so delicately drawn on notebook paper to yours truly.  I’ll assume for the time being that they actually like my blog and aren’t after something else, like my DITL.

 

 

Being the astute (and incredibly waynal) reader that I am, I noticed that both of these gentlemen put my name and blog link LAST in their list.  I can take this in one of a few ways:

  1. I was put last due to a random fluke (what is this, a 1 in 49 chance? more? less)
  2. They decided to put people alphabetically.  It would seem the facts help this particular option, but this is Election Year – why would I start caring about facts all of a sudden?
  3. I’m their least favorite blog on the list (hey, it could happen)
  4. I’m their favoritest blog on the list, saving me for last.
I like my chances.
 
Anyway, with these incestuous and nepotism-induced themes, there are not only rules, but a “Pay It Forward” style reciprocity imbued throughout.  Never one to buck a trend, I shall follow along, being a good little blog soldier.  Plus, I always wanted to use “incestuous,” “nepotism,” “reciprocity” and “imbued” in a single sentence.
 
Here are the rules:
  1. The winner can put the logo on his/her blog
  2. Link the person from whom you received your award
  3. Nominate at least seven other blogs
  4. Put links of those blogs on yours
  5. Leave a message on the blogs that you’ve nominated.
I don’t know about rule #5, so I may or may not do that.  These “favorites” of mine can just learn themselves that they won, you know?
 
Here, in no particular order other than in order of who I like the best, are the seven I chose to Love today.  And I will love them in various forms of prose, poetry, song, and the like.
 
Janna is cool
Janna is neat
Janna likes to blog 
about the corns on her feet.
 
Poppy and Dawg, sitting in a tree
She.just.came.from.state.Vee.Tee
First comes blog, then comes cereal
Then comes kitties who are nice and ethereal!
 
Ren’s in the middle of a name change.
It started off as Ren’s Journal.
Ren’s in the middle of a bathroom,
He ended up at the urinal.
Ren’s in the middle of “children’s books”
But only by way of semantics.
Ren’s in the middle of a list of three
with my ability for pedantics.
 
See Bossy
See Bossy Blog
See Bossy Annotate
See Bossy Be Way Funnier Than You
 
Introspection.  She haz it.
Brevity? Not so much. 
But I learn a lot and try to feel,
For gifted writing, SHE has the touch.
 
Better the devil you know,
Then the avITable you don’t.
If you read his blog while working,
Chances are you won’t.
He’s not the kind of blog you’d read
if you’re easily offended.
In fact, now that I think about it,
not even with iron constitution extended!
 
I know it might seem unfair
To award a celebrity blogger.
But fairness isn’t everything;
just ask the frog from Frogger.
Bee-dink! bee-dink! bee-dink! then splat
His destiny can sadden.
But my spirits lift with every word
I read from dear Scott Adams.

The results came in on the Hot Blogger Calendar contest, and out of 34,234 entrants (which is about as high of a number as 128 to Rain Man), they chose the top twelve (12) vote-getters. I was #17 on the list. Oh way to go, contest-runners. Like you had to follow the rules this time?!?!?!?!

I’m thinking we should petition them to make an 18-month calendar. I mean, who uses 12-month calendars nowadays anyway, huh? Don’t you need a calendar that spans into half of the following year? Send your comments to the folks (Jane and Sarah) and demand the public’s right to an 18-month calendar! Go over to the results blog post and add a comment that says you want an 18-month calendar!

In the event they do not choose to make an 18-month calendar and include the great and powerful whall in their product, I have no choice but to take action. I will now attempt to disqualify enough people ahead of me so that I place in the top 12.

Here are the top vote-getters, aka “the final results“:

Let me just be a little contradictory here and say, those aren’t so final, haHA!  Here’s how I figure it:

“Winner” Votes Reason Expert Analysis
The Comics Curmudgeon 735 Cheating This guy is clearly a cheater. Even his initials, TCC, is too close to resembling “The Constant Cheater” for anyone to take a chance at thinking he’s honest. His name anagrams into not only “Eccentric Good Hummus” but also “Comedic Shogun Rectum” and what good ever came from either of those? NOTHING, I tell you.
Avitable 429 Sold soul to Devil Interesting fact: when Avitable sold his soul to Satan, it was the first time Satan was ever heard to say “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
Geri Druckman 366 Has Girly Name Quick! Think of all the men who have the name “Geri” spelled that way. Yeah, I thought so. Compare that to “Wayne”. Say it aloud. “W-A-Y-N-E”. Yeah, that’s how it is. Uh-HUH.
Ghost of Keywork 212 Is a Ghost Sorry, the fine print of the contest rules clearly states “if you are a ghost and you win, you do not win, you lose because you are a ghost. We don’t expect you to understand it, because, well, you’re a ghost. And a loser. And you especially don’t win if you beat whall in the voting.”
Wil Wheaton (aka Wesley Crusher) 172 Just cuz Look, you don’t get to be in Star Trek as a kid AND win contests. Ever. You already won. YOU WERE IN STAR TREK. YOU DON’T GET ANYTHING ELSE. YOU WON.

 

Yes – I got beat by Wesley Crusher.

So now that I’ve successfully disqualified enough people, that should put me squarely in the top 12.

YAY FOR ME!!!!

Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, [pause] thankyou, [bow], no, thankyou. Thanx. Thank you.


Admin
tsk tsk

Ajax CommentLuv Enabled 336ad6ab990e8080f1c0ad1f892428a0