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Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

I was recently reading Dave’s “Enthusiasm” post, wherein he admits to the blogging community that he is, in fact, mortal.

By “mortal” I mean that he experiences ruts where the impetus to blog every single day is threatened by outside factors.  Such as life.  And the desire to have a semi-private blog (in that intimate personal details are not shared). That got me thinking.  *I* have a life.  *I* have a semi-private blog.  *I* have a few cartoon monkey pictures on my blog.

It’s like we’re TWINS.

Anyways, I was feeling for my buddy Dave2.  I wanted him to feel better.  I wanted him to feel like things mattered.  I wanted him to have a purpose again with his blogging.

Mainly, I wanted to call dibs on his artwork if he ever shuts down.

With this, I present to you, an Open Letter to Blogography

Hey bud.  Don’t let the blog thing get you down.  We all get the doldrums.  The twitches.  The “if I have to go click ‘new post’ ONE MORE TIME I’m gonna lose it” feeling.

That’s why we’re here.  Yes, us.  Your blog friends.  We won’t let you down.

Hey! I gots an idea!  You mentioned guest posting in your bag ‘o tricks.

You could set up a place where all sorts of people could write guest posts online and they’d be submitted into some “For Dave’s Eyes Only” queue.  You would then read them, review, and rate them with a special Davometer Scale.

Then, whenever you feel like you don’t have enough to write about, you’d dive into the massive quantities of submissions, and sort them by your Davometer Readings.

Once you settled into the perfect post, the one that is worth not only everyone’s time but also the gracing of blogography.com, you’d proceed to rip it apart, make fun of it, caricature the author in an unflattering light and ruin their online careers! 

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE.

BILLY MAYS HERE.  I DECIDED TO COME BACK FROM THE AFTERLIFE TO HOST AN AMAZING NEW REALITY BLOG SURVIVOR BACHELOR HOUSEWIVES APPRENTICE IDOL JON AND KATE SHOW THAT WILL ABSOLUTELY KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF.  YOU WON’T BELIEVE THE TWISTS AND TURNS THAT HAPPEN WEEK-TO-WEEK SO MAKE SURE YOU TUNE IN, TURN ON AND BEHOLD THE AWESOME POWER OF THE DAVE AS HE PLAYS GOD WITH PEOPLE’S ONLINE LIVES!

You’d tell everyone in your blog post what you saw in each post, what you liked, what you didn’t like. You’d even pretend to care (bonus if you can pull off a British accent and work in phrases like “Good-bye” and “You’re fired” but I think those are taken, so maybe “You’re a bad monkayyyy…” with a little pointy finger while you crouch to the side).

However, all the while, the viewership knows somebody’s going to get punk’d and good.  It’s like Pimp My Ride meets Death Race 2000, and you’re the mechanic, the warden and the loan shark all in one.

You’d put up their original guest post for people to see.  Then you’d put up the “Dave-ized” version, with slick professional graphics, demeaning redlining and point out all the little problems with the post. 

If that weren’t enough, you’d then subject the author’s future to a voting system.  You’d set up an online tally where people would vote DAVE or BAD MONKEY.  DAVE is good.  BAD MONKEY is bad.

If the author received more BAD MONKEYs than DAVE’s, then you would ban them from your blog, and everyone else who reads your blog would have to abandon their blogs too (to fail to do so would subject all commenters from being banned themselves).

BUT WAIT. THERE’S MORE.

HERE’S THE TWIST.  All commenters must submit a guest post entry each month to Dave2’s queue in order to be granted privileges to continue commenting.  Therefore, one can’t join in the heckling and demeaning of another online human being unless they subject themselves to the same potential degradation. 

It’s a WIN-WIN-WIN-LOSE SITUATION!

This idea is sooooo good, it earned not one, but FOUR “TOTALLY BITCHIN'” DAVE AWARDS

HERE’S HOW TO ORDER.

I saw the “Twitter Mosaic” on renagerie.com, who tipped the hat to libragirl.  Evidently, this tool creates a bunch of HTML code you can stick in your blog that creates a mosaic of your followers.

So, I did that, and here are my comments / questions so far:

  • I thought it would give me a simple graphic to host on my blog, but it actually generates a bunch of links and image tags that go to Amazon’s system.  That means that when you go to a blog with a twitter mosaic, it’s actually pulling images from Amazon’s S3 service.  That’s both weird and cool – weird that I need to depend on an outside system to be working for my blog to function; and cool because it reduces the load from my server.
  • I couldn’t find out the logic behind the order – is it using the number of @replies?  Does it count how many tweets that person does?  Is it taking into account any “favorites”?  Is it anything but random?  Maybe it’s the order in which you followed people or the other way around… 
  • Evidently you can make the mosaic from followers or friends, so I guess you can rate your level of narcisism. 
  • This reminded me, but only a little, of the wordles I made from all my tweets.  I feel like doing that again for some reason, but for some other reason I won’t.

Without further ado, here’s my twitter mosaic:

This was fun!

(more…)

First of all, whoa.

WHOA.

Did you guys love all these guest posts as much as I did? I’ve half a mind to stop blogging myself and just get 20-30 people to commit to one guest post per month and just have them write for me.

Who’s with me!!!!!??

The side benefit to this master scheme is that, as you probably have noticed yourself, these bloggers end up writing BETTER material when they guest post than the stuff they normally put on their own blogs.

What? Isn’t this a reverse roast?

As LeSombre would say, Quel Frommage.

Let’s recap a little.

First, Dave2 from Blogography teed things off by actually making a BAD WAYNKEY!  He cleverly embedded it into a intolerance-based liberally biased anti-establishment fascist piece of propaganda disguised as a comic, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.  He even published an extended Behind The Scenes edition, only this time, with less New Kids On The Block shrines.

Then BlondeBlogger came by and deposited into the bank of whall a series of 10 questions and the readers were to pick which 5 were true.  The winner, Ren, supposedly gets “have a date with Whall at the LOLCat headquarters.”  I’ll pre-emptively accept his withdrawal from the contest.  I got another true statement: BB is hot.  Just look!

After BB came Hilly, aka snackiepoo.  She was able to conform to the strict Puritan values my blog espouses (yeah, right [bleepitybleeper!]) and bring on the Weird Science for us all.  She also pointed out all of our differences.  Thanx for that (WTF Hilly, you ride donkeys?!?!?).  But she did point out our commonalities- I do love the 80’s, I do have a great heart, and I LOVE TWEETING AND BLOGGING.

Then it got all serious-like.  Miss Britt infected my blog with Obamfluenza H1N1.  I had to go into quarantine and everything!  Usually, any given type of flu has an incubation period anywhere from 72 hours to 7 days, but evidently if one drinks the kool-aid fast enough, he or she can be overcome within minutes, afflicted with such symptoms as incredulous mysterious adulation towards public figures, radical socialist views, and a shrieking voice when debating (or so I’ve heard).  After watching 15+ minutes of Funny Obama, even *I* started experiencing my own symptoms of tolerance, acceptance and open-mindedness.  Fortunately for me I was able to purchase a new copy of Atlas Shrugged while on vacation, which is a common antidote for apathy-inducing liberalism.  WHEW!

And then?  YES!  YESSSSSSSS!  OMG YES!  No, I’m not having an episode. I’m still reeling from the awesome YES-laden guest post from Mr Shiny.  Here’s what I don’t get about Shiny – he’s undoubtedly one of the top 3 funniest, wittiest, smartest bloggers I’ve ever had the pleasure to read.  He’s absolutely brilliant.  I mean, there are bloggers out there I enjoy to read, but Shiny’s posts make me laugh out loud.  But he hardly gets any comments!  Even his guest post for me had the fewest comments out of all the guest posters.  I just don’t understand that.  It’s almost as if his posts are so good people find themselves unworthy to comment.   His LOLyes pictures were awesome, especially for huge YES fans such as myself.   And Shiny? I’d love to hear the Leave It track… I’m thinking of doing one too so maybe we can team up on that idea sometime.

Ren from Renagerie.com followed up the Amazing Mr Shiny with a clever new take on LOLcats, my blog and made something unique – WHALL-anti-cats.  He took photos he had of me over our 10yr friendship and captioned them with actual blog post titles from my blog.  And WOW.  He did nineteen (19) lolcaptionblogtitlethingies!  I think my favorite in the series is “an’ you’ll be poppin, lickin and breakin in no time…”  And yes, it’s all about the dorkiness of Wayne.

*content sigh*.  Then Poppy came to my blog and made it aww bettaw.  It wuz so pwehshush!  She whalljacked my blog and made an eccentric vlog with one of the sexiest coolest overdub narration voices you’ll ever hear.  And I think some rap.  And something about “Dirty Wayne” which is almost as nice sounding as I expect “Naughty Wayne” would sound like.  Thank you Poppy.  Thank you for the YES tie-in, the voiceover and the awesomeness you gave my blog.  And something about a lollipop in it or something.

What guest post whallstravaganza would be complete without a fatwha?  Faiqa from Native Born, aka Supreme Magistrate of All Things Wise, Prudent and Being Generally Better Than Everyone Else Without Even Trying of the NBLA, unleashed the NBLA’s demands on the world when they actually DID whalljack me with normal and just atypically terroristic and extremist demands.  I’m so glad they did. You will pay for your insolence.  I have seen the error of my ways.  Chuck Norris is gonna go all up in your face and roundhouse kick every turban off every extremist muslim head.  I’ve corrected my behavior and even built a time machine, went back in time, and put in TWO votes for Barack Obama just to make sure.  With just one roundhouse kick. I’m so glad my eyes have been opened. Blindfolded.  Please forgive me for my past.  And then LOLcaption it.  Sincerely, Marmontiansese Nbyuti Barack Hussein Obama (tongue click) W. Hall whall.  PS: May I express my fondness for your aesthetic qualities? My lord, you’re hot.

The final instwhallment of the guest post gala was performed by Mr Avitable.  From Avitable.com.  His last name is Avitable.  He doesn’t like it pronounced Avitable, he prefers it Avitable.  It can be a littable difficult to fittable the right syllables befittable such an iminitable Avitable, but it’ll make the fiddle knittable, said the quittable riddle in the middle.  I think I need to make this whole thing DITLable.  Now does everyone know how to pronounce Avitable?  Good. Now to his blog post.  He copied Faiqa.  End of story.  NEXT!

All in all, I think it was a quality showing.  I don’t know about you, but I’m already looking forward to my next vacation!

PS: Who was your favorite? I’ve been looking to start up some drama around here to drive up traffic, so which one did you hate and which on pwned the others?

Which guest posts were your favorites

View Results

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PS#2: The “Part V” in the title is a little secret.  Can anyone guess what it’s in reference to?

May
8
2009
8:07 am
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This is not Wayne, this is Dave from Blogography, and I’ll be filling in today while the vacationing Family of Whall is increasing their Carbon Footprint in South Padre! We now rejoin Lil’ Dave and Bad Monkey with their show already in progress…

Lil' Dave's Bad-Ass Blogography Show with Lil' Wayne

Welcome back to the Blogography Show LIVE from Austin. Please welcome genius hip-hop artist Lil' Wayne!

Lil' Wayne Hall enters the stage...

You're not the Lil' Wayne I was expecting... aren't you supposed to be on vacation? - What do you have for us tonight?

Lil' Wayne Hall has LOLCat posters! Lil' Dave shouts "SECURITY!!"

Error Screen... We'll Be Right Back!

Oops. Better luck next time Lil’ Wayne.

Since this week is turning out to be “Dave week” here on the ye old blog of whall, I thought I’d continue it with a post about “firsts.”

You see, later this week I’m attending TequilaCon 2009, and it’s my first TC.  It’s actually my first non-Blogography-specific blogger conference, but… you knew it… Dave is an integral part of TequilaCon.  So I might as well confess I’m having his baby.

“having his baby” is blog-speak for “I’m doing a lot of posts involving” a specific blogger.  Actually, I just made up that term, but it’s blog-speak anyway.  In fact, it’s the first reference ever for this particular term used in this way!

So I’m reading Dave’s recent post about Ticketmaster (warning: profanity and one-finger salutes abound) and the fact that he was planning on seeing Duran Duran while traveling.

Ahhh, Duran Duran.  (note to self: Isn’t it convenient that Dave refers to himself as “Dave2” and Duran Duran can be, and often is, shortened to “D2”?  Coincidence?!?!??!?!?! NOT LIKELY!)

Back to topic.

First off, this band gets a lot of flak.  Often typecast or shunned / laughed at / dismissed solely because of the demographics of their once-largest-fanbase (screaming teenage girls), these chaps are incredibly talented writers, artists and performers.  And to top it off, they know business.  They connect with their fans (a la the VIP packages you could purchase for “meet and greets”) and continue to pump out quality trendsetting music.

I mixed together a couple of ring tones a couple years back because A) my wife is such a fan and B) I liked playing around with Adobe Audition and C) I like to show off.  So Duran Duran was the first band I mixed into a cell phone ringtone.  Check ’em out:

Ringtone #1:

[audio:duran3.mp3]

Ringtone #2:

[audio:sms.mp3]

You shoulda seen her face light up when her phone rang with that second one.  It’s one thing to have a song as a ringtone, but a custom mix?  Someone nominate me for best husband, please.

It’s easy to ignore the trends that D2 has set in their career.  D2 has actually added a lot of “firsts” to their repertoire.

They were the first to have live video cameras and videoscreens in their concerts.  What concert have you gone to lately that doesn’t do that?

They were first artists to make a song available for digital download (Electric Barbarella in 1997).

They were first band to make a pop video entirely using Macromedia Flash.

(I will point out that I snapped the above frame because my coworker was watching my computer screen as I was checking out the video and immediately commented “mmmmm. Silence of the Lambs.”  Creepy much?)

It rubs the lotion on it’s skin;
or else it gets the hose again.

Anyway.

Duran Duran were the first to become citizens and stage an in-world live concert in Second Life and perform a completely virtual concert.

I suspect (but aren’t sure) they were the first to do the widescreen 16:9 video format (think Hungry like the Wolf), and who knows – they may have been the first production-quality video to get banned (Girls on Film).  It’s at least the first one I heard about – once again portraying brilliant marketing.

For me personally, they were the first band I remember getting on my bike and ride ~3 miles to the record store to buy a 45 — their chart-topping single The Reflex.

Thanx to Dave2, I now know how to Trek Myself.

But what fun would that be? Instead, let’s make it a little controversial.  oh, AND fun.  Never forget the fun, especially if you can rile up a few people.

See if you can guess who this first one is

Here’s another one I made. Can you spot the speech?

hmm, I wonder if the colorful skin gives it away.

Here’s the next in the series, where Jaden gets in on the fun (please do not call Child Protective Services).

And one last one simply because I couldn’t help myself

(btw, I made all of these external links because when you embed them, they auto-play.  Last thing I want on my blog is auto-play sound.  Well, maybe not THE last, but it’s in the bottom 10,000 things).

I had mentioned that I’ll be mostly staying away from politics on my blog.  But that doesn’t mean we can’t have whallitics!

But first, a tip of the hat to Dawg for introducing me to Toonlet.  I decided to take this mornings political tweetfest between Dave2 and I and make it fun, enlightening, and easy to read, even for kids!

I figure it’s like this – Dave2 can draw.  Like, awesome-like.  It’s like he’s an artist or something.  So I have to use technology to even the field.  It actually comes out pretty fair – he has the artistic talent, and I have the brains.

(yes, I know it’s hard to read when it’s resized to fit my blog – so click on it to read it in it’s glory.  In fact, you can just click on the first one to launch the clip in another browser, and just click on the arrow on the right to go to the next frames)

Ain’t nobody can argue with “So’s your face.”

I have all these great ideas for blog posts but often don’t act on the impulse to write them down.  Sometimes it’s like I’m thinking about this blog thing like a job and it feels like a chore to go to the blog and write.

Like right there – inspiration.  “go to the blog and write,” to me, is said Freddy Murcury-style from Fat-Bottomed Girls… “get to your blogs and WRITE!” and now I want to do a whole song about “whall-authored blogs, you make the rockin’ world go ’round

Sigh.  I just don’t have time to make that kind of quality stuff.

Ooh, there was another idea I had, about petitioning Mike Myers to come back to SNL just so he could parody Rod Blagojevich.   Tell me he wouldn’t be perfect for that job…

And then there’s the MITL – Mac In The Life – that in my head would be so perfect but I just don’t take the time to make it happen.  I even have people pushing my buttons to do it!  So what do I do?  I just call in an utter or two – one impromptu song dedicated to Marty Mankins, Blogography and Poppycede and one soundless dancing video to test the recording and upload capabilities of the MacBook Pro.  Not quite what you’d call quality, right?

So maybe I’ll take the time sometime soon to actually make a blog post.  But for today, you just get these ramblings.  

Well, I’ll give you one piece of advice.  Make sure you back up your computer before the end of the week.  You’ll know why soon enough.  Just get a backup done, ok?

November
30
2008
8:45 pm
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Google has this new tool called Google Trends (which I first saw over on this post at Chris Brennan’s Astrology Site).  It lets you check out the daily/monthly/yearly trends of different searches and how popular they are over time.  For example, today’s popular searches include the shuttle landing, Cyber Monday deals, and a sonic boom.

One of the things I noticed when I started this blog was my lack of comments compared to “the big guys”.  There are all these sites out there with dozens of comments every single day, and some of them get over 50.  EVERY DAY!  I barely can even blog every day much less go out and comment on other people’s blogs to drum up interest.  What I REALLY need is a dictation / transcription system that lets me listen to blogs and comment on them with my phone.  Jott and utterz seem to be a good step in the right direction, but it’s just not there yet.

Then I got to thinking – maybe I can check Google Trends to see how popular I am compared to the big guys.

So I did a quick check of “wayne“, “dave” and “adam“.  And was I suprised!

Looks like Wayne (in blue) is gaining popularity, Dave (in red) is on the down trend and Adam (in yellow) has no change.  Yay google!

I don’t want Dave to feel bad about this, though.  I mean, when I track the relative popularity of his Arch Nemesis, Ann Coulter, it’s just about no contest whatsoever.

Ann coulter, down there in green, just can’t compare to the power of Wayne, Dave and Adam.

So look on the bright side, Dave.  At least you’re a million times more popular than Ann Coulter. 🙂

The ongoing love story between a 20% gay Blogebrity named Dave and a Texan named Wayne. Not exactly BlogBack Mountain, there still is an instance of Dave doing a striptease. And drinking.

And at least one soft piece that’s sure to bring a tear to your eye.



Davestin: Chronicles of Davia from whall on Vimeo.
(also on youtube for you iPhone users)

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