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Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

I’m wondering a few things today… if anyone will do a blog post today and NOT mention the election; if Obama can lose and NOT have rioting in the streets; if people can actually open up their minds and realize polls are evil concoctions of lies upon lies.

But as I sit and wonder, I submit to you a few important reminders about today and tomorrow.

ATTENTION DEMOCRATS

The Democratic National Committee has finally won their long-sought bid to segregate the vote.  The DNC believes that the only way to truly be accurate in vote counting is to have one party vote one day and the other party vote the second day.  That way, we only have to count bodies who show up, not actually tally any specific vote.  I applaud the effort towards accuracy.

As much as I hate to admit it, the Democrats are right on this issue: we should have separate days for voting.  I also admit that the Conservatively-biased right-wing media has hidden this landmark win by the DNC and I’m ashamed for it.  So I will be fair, “reach across the aisle,” so to speak, and remind all of the Democrats to vote tomorrow (Wednesday, November 5th).  Let the evil Republicans cast their vote today and then you’ll have all day tomorrow to cast.  Remember: if you vote today, your vote won’t count, so be sure to show up to the polling stations tomorrow.  

Don’t waste your vote!  Don’t just Vote FOR Tomorrow.  Vote tomorrow!

ATTENTION REPUBLICANS

With all the confused Democrats out there, expect the exit polls to be tilted.  Even Matt Drudge, arguably the most liberal reporter out there, admits that exit polls almost always tilt Democrat.  This may be for a number of reasons, one of which is that the democrat voter might have more time on their hands to sit around and take a poll.  Another might be that they’re better looking (most of Hollywood is Democrat; therefore, Democrats are statistically more beautiful), so the poll-takers gravitate to them in a zombie-like trance, stunned by their aesthetic awesomeness.

The key thing to remember, fellow Conservatives, is to NOT be swayed by the misleading poll numbers and reports.  YOU SHOULD KNOW that the main stream media will “call the election” way early. You know how Christmas is already here, and it’s just barely November? People like to get ahead of themselves.  

In normal fashion, CNN, ABC and NBC have already predicted Obama has won his second term in 2012.

ATTENTION REN

Friends, I have a friend named Ren that was my friend.  Let me tell you a story.

There once was a wise wizard named Gandalf.  (In this story, I’m Gandalf).

There was also a VERY WISE and mentor-like wizard named Saruman.  Saruman is the first in his order.  Many people look up to him for council and mentorship.  (In this story, Ren is Saruman).

Then there was Sauron, aka “Abhorred”.  Eru (“the One”, aka GOD) created Sauron.  Sauron is the most evil and will take over the world unless vanquished by a Fellowship.  (In this story, Obama is Sauron)


(image taken from splendoroftruth.com)

When I learned that Ren had been deceived by the Deceiver, I felt as Gandalf must have felt.  The *one* person in the entire who could formulate and articulate an argument to get me to open up and even THINK about any good Obama could do, actually went over to the other side!  Fortunately for me I see the Eye of Sauron firmly entrenched in Ren’s core and will fight to resist.

That, or I’ve been smoking too much of the halfling’s weed.

 

 

 

 

wayne's 3-minute ditl day in the life
(DITL = Day In The Life)

 

 



Wayne’s 3-minute DITL #11 from whall on Vimeo.
(Direct Youtube link)

Note: I tried switching to Vimeo for my videos, but I’ve run into a number of failed attempts today and it’s been sitting at YouTube for hours. So if the upload finishes and the conversion is successful, I’ll add the vimeo embed here but for now I’m sick of waiting.
UPDATE: Vimeo finally finished updating, so I’m changing the page to display that by default instead.

(more…)

Sorry, all. I need to make an apology.

Yesterday I was all in a panic. Here’s how my brain works: because Nobody was following me on Twitter, I equated that with the world ending. How narcissistic is that??!??! I mean, who am I to think that the entire world’s existence depends on some part of MY life? Do I really expect the. entire. world. to. schedule itself based on what happens to me?

In short, yes. Yes I do.

BECAUSE LOOK AT THIS!

Heh-HA!  Now I’m confident the world will at least stay around until October 28th, 2011.

(thanx, person-who-knows-who-they-are)

And that’s not ALL the good news either.  Now, please don’t think I’m just bragging and stuff, but it looks like I’m… oh man, this is so exciting!  I’m poised to win… I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MYSELF! it seems that I’m smack dab in line to ….

GUESS WHAT????

I’m going to WIN $100,000!!!!!

That’s right!  Just look at this – Predictify teamed up with Rock the Vote and made a new contest called the $100,000 Election Showdown!

All I gotta do is make 15 accurate predictions – the overall popular vote winner and the winner in 14 battleground states – and I win!

But the win is empty without you.  Specifically, I mean without your help.  See, I can’t get my money unless a lot of people make predictions.  They add $1 to the pot with every prediction (up to a hundred grand), so I need YOU to go there and donate your prediction to my winnings.

You might ask yourself – how do I know I’m going to win?  Well that’s an easy answer – because I’m the only one honest and brave enough to predict McCain winning all of those states!  AND the popular vote!  You might think I’m stupid for giving out my winning strategy but I know that no-one will copy me.  They’ll all start off copying me, and then they’ll say “eh, what are the chances he’ll will ALL of them – maybe he won’t win THIS one or THAT one” and then they’ll make their own customized vote combo.  Which leaves all the money to me!

Man.  Just THINK of the DITL’s I can make with $100,000…

I’m sorry I had to keep it a secret from all my friends, family and readers.  But you know how these things go – word gets out, and complete pandemonium breaks out.  We didn’t want to give our opponents any extra time.  And I’m sure you’ll agree, this is a complete surprise!  At least, I bet you didn’t see it coming.  (note: the announcement of Sarah Palin as VP pick is just a ruse to throw off the Obama campaign.)

It gives me great pleasure to announce that John McCain has picked ME to be his Vice Presidential Running Mate!

That’s right!  ME!  Wayne!  aka whall.  The Whallster.  Whallify.  Creator of WHALLcats.  Proud father of a fourth-generation middle-name-Wayne member of the Hall family.  Decorated non-wartime military hero bandsman.  Unifying force for Unix, Windows *and* Mac use in business and at home.  Conspiracy Theorist Esquire.  Hot Blogger Calendar Nominee.

One of the first things John and I sat down to discuss was our brand.  We all know that without a good brand, there’s no success.  Dell is a leader in the computer idustry because it’s a short name.  Same with IBM and HP.  Think about it – who would vote for “Stephanopolous-Garfinkel”?  The advertising budget alone would sink a compaign faster than tacking “Edwards” to the end of a ticket.

We settled on a single word – McWayne – instead of the typical lastname+lastname.  It rolls off the tongue much better than “Obama-Biden,” don’t you think?  Say to yourself – “Vote McWayne“.  It’s incredibly efficient!

john mccain and whall is mcwayne 2008

We didn’t want to be known as McCain-Hall or McCain-Wayne, although the rhyming words probably would help us in the polls.  We also toyed with using “John Wayne” as our mascot and name because John Wayne is clearly an icon of strength, integrity, rugged individualism and pure Americana.  However, we thought there were too many pot-shots that the pundits could easily take, such as “we’re going to put an actor in the White House???!?” 

We all know the urgent issues facing America today.  And that’s why we need a leader, not a messiah.  We don’t need “change we can believe in.”  We don’t need “hope.”  Try putting change or hope into your bank account and see what that gets you.  But think for a moment of the promise that LOLcats bring you.  Yeah, you’re feeling it now, aren’t you? 

That’s right!  And we want your vote.  We have a few buttons you can add to your blog.

mccain wayne mcwayne we can haz whitehouse

We hope to usher in a new era, where voters turn out in droves to submit their own captions to nominees.  We will make a fully automated system where you can take any picture of any candidate, and create a clever set of words and phrases and have them presented for Internet voting.

I see they’re already starting to pour in.  Here’s a recent submission for your perusal:

obama biden campaign poster kool aid koolaid we haz it lolcats

 


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