But I also wanted to let you know that I love this song.

I’m writing guest posts so big I’m steppin on leprechauns.

WHOA.

Did you guys love all these guest posts as much as I did? I’ve half a mind to stop blogging myself and just get 20-30 people to commit to one guest post per month and just have them write for me.

Who’s with me!!!!!??

The side benefit to this master scheme is that, as you probably have noticed yourself, these bloggers end up writing BETTER material when they guest post than the stuff they normally put on their own blogs.

What? Isn’t this a reverse roast?

As LeSombre would say, Quel Frommage.

Let’s recap a little.

First, Dave2 from Blogography teed things off by actually making a BAD WAYNKEY!  He cleverly embedded it into a intolerance-based liberally biased anti-establishment fascist piece of propaganda disguised as a comic, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.  He even published an extended Behind The Scenes edition, only this time, with less New Kids On The Block shrines.

Then BlondeBlogger came by and deposited into the bank of whall a series of 10 questions and the readers were to pick which 5 were true.  The winner, Ren, supposedly gets “have a date with Whall at the LOLCat headquarters.”  I’ll pre-emptively accept his withdrawal from the contest.  I got another true statement: BB is hot.  Just look!

After BB came Hilly, aka snackiepoo.  She was able to conform to the strict Puritan values my blog espouses (yeah, right [bleepitybleeper!]) and bring on the Weird Science for us all.  She also pointed out all of our differences.  Thanx for that (WTF Hilly, you ride donkeys?!?!?).  But she did point out our commonalities- I do love the 80′s, I do have a great heart, and I LOVE TWEETING AND BLOGGING.

Then it got all serious-like.  Miss Britt infected my blog with Obamfluenza H1N1.  I had to go into quarantine and everything!  Usually, any given type of flu has an incubation period anywhere from 72 hours to 7 days, but evidently if one drinks the kool-aid fast enough, he or she can be overcome within minutes, afflicted with such symptoms as incredulous mysterious adulation towards public figures, radical socialist views, and a shrieking voice when debating (or so I’ve heard).  After watching 15+ minutes of Funny Obama, even *I* started experiencing my own symptoms of tolerance, acceptance and open-mindedness.  Fortunately for me I was able to purchase a new copy of Atlas Shrugged while on vacation, which is a common antidote for apathy-inducing liberalism.  WHEW!

And then?  YES!  YESSSSSSSS!  OMG YES!  No, I’m not having an episode. I’m still reeling from the awesome YES-laden guest post from Mr Shiny.  Here’s what I don’t get about Shiny – he’s undoubtedly one of the top 3 funniest, wittiest, smartest bloggers I’ve ever had the pleasure to read.  He’s absolutely brilliant.  I mean, there are bloggers out there I enjoy to read, but Shiny’s posts make me laugh out loud.  But he hardly gets any comments!  Even his guest post for me had the fewest comments out of all the guest posters.  I just don’t understand that.  It’s almost as if his posts are so good people find themselves unworthy to comment.   His LOLyes pictures were awesome, especially for huge YES fans such as myself.   And Shiny? I’d love to hear the Leave It track… I’m thinking of doing one too so maybe we can team up on that idea sometime.

Ren from Renagerie.com followed up the Amazing Mr Shiny with a clever new take on LOLcats, my blog and made something unique – WHALL-anti-cats.  He took photos he had of me over our 10yr friendship and captioned them with actual blog post titles from my blog.  And WOW.  He did nineteen (19) lolcaptionblogtitlethingies!  I think my favorite in the series is “an’ you’ll be poppin, lickin and breakin in no time…“  And yes, it’s all about the dorkiness of Wayne.

*content sigh*.  Then Poppy came to my blog and made it aww bettaw.  It wuz so pwehshush!  She whalljacked my blog and made an eccentric vlog with one of the sexiest coolest overdub narration voices you’ll ever hear.  And I think some rap.  And something about “Dirty Wayne” which is almost as nice sounding as I expect “Naughty Wayne” would sound like.  Thank you Poppy.  Thank you for the YES tie-in, the voiceover and the awesomeness you gave my blog.  And something about a lollipop in it or something.

What guest post whallstravaganza would be complete without a fatwha?  Faiqa from Native Born, aka Supreme Magistrate of All Things Wise, Prudent and Being Generally Better Than Everyone Else Without Even Trying of the NBLA, unleashed the NBLA’s demands on the world when they actually DID whalljack me with normal and just atypically terroristic and extremist demands.  I’m so glad they did. You will pay for your insolence.  I have seen the error of my ways.  Chuck Norris is gonna go all up in your face and roundhouse kick every turban off every extremist muslim head.  I’ve corrected my behavior and even built a time machine, went back in time, and put in TWO votes for Barack Obama just to make sure.  With just one roundhouse kick. I’m so glad my eyes have been opened. Blindfolded.  Please forgive me for my past.  And then LOLcaption it.  Sincerely, Marmontiansese Nbyuti Barack Hussein Obama (tongue click) W. Hall whall.  PS: May I express my fondness for your aesthetic qualities? My lord, you’re hot.

The final instwhallment of the guest post gala was performed by Mr Avitable.  From Avitable.com.  His last name is Avitable.  He doesn’t like it pronounced Avitable, he prefers it Avitable.  It can be a littable difficult to fittable the right syllables befittable such an iminitable Avitable, but it’ll make the fiddle knittable, said the quittable riddle in the middle.  I think I need to make this whole thing DITLable.  Now does everyone know how to pronounce Avitable?  Good. Now to his blog post.  He copied Faiqa.  End of story.  NEXT!

All in all, I think it was a quality showing.  I don’t know about you, but I’m already looking forward to my next vacation!

PS: Who was your favorite? I’ve been looking to start up some drama around here to drive up traffic, so which one did you hate and which on pwned the others?

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

PS#2: The “Part V” in the title is a little secret.  Can anyone guess what it’s in reference to?

That is the sound of pure evil, with an added 10% maniacal laughter.  For I know a little of what is in store for you over the next week to 10 days.

(it helps if you think of Vincent Price reading this next part.)

WHALLness falls across the land The guesting hour is close at hand The Hall clan crawls in search of coast A week down there is needed most And whosoever whall has chose To write his guest posts, no-one knows You stand and face “guest poster’s hell” It’s not a fate you wished befell The funniest posts are in the wings The spunk of forty thousand words And grizzly geeks from every blog Are prepping up your mental fog And though you’ll wonder if Wayne’s alive Your keyboard starts to flitter For no mere mortal can resist The evil of his twitter (laughing)

So there you have it. In non-Vincent parlance, our family is going on vacation for a week down at South Padre, and I have arranged for a fantastic set of bloggers to come take over my blog during that time.  At least, as far as I know I’m getting a fantastic set of bloggers.  I’ve outsourced my guest posting to India like all the successful companies, and I was assured of the “toppest of qualityness”

I have no idea what they have scheduled, and my only rule was not to say anything bad about Jestertunes (note: language warning) while I’m gone.

Me?  I plan on commenting, tweeting, uttering and having fun in the sun.  I’ll be back here sometime the week of the 17th.  You?  You’re gonna come back each day and see what pearls of blogdom await.  Or you could subscribe to my feed I guess.

I should warn you – I’m not a guest posting veteran of any kind – I’ve only done a couple before.  

My first was for Snackiepoo (with a baseball analogy to help you along) and my second (not safe for anyone because yes, I actually cuss) was for The Absurdist.  I owe about thirty guest posts to various people, so this guest post for Robin is my first “payment” on that debt.

Those of you who have guest posts coming can cancel at any time based on the available samples.

As mentioned yesterday, her blog is NSFW (Not Safe For Wayne).  So if your pretty little eyes and ears are easily offended, or if you’re not prepared to see me in a slightly different light, I wouldn’t click the link.  Just check back here tomorrow for your regularly scheduled Wayne Goodness.

In other news, I’m hella excited about seeing Celtic Woman tonight here in Austin at the Frank Erwin Center.  It’s going to be a great show!

They suck like a hoover.

First, back in December 2006 they caused me much grief.  Four days of grief.

Then, just this last month I actually got to guest post on an important person’s blog and I was down again – THE DAY OF THE GUEST POST.  This is the biggest day for a small-time blog like mine where people see the guest post, and if they like it, they visit the author’s blog.  Worst.  Timing.  Ever.

Yesterday, I was down (all my email, all my websites) from about midnight Monday morning until just a few hours ago today.

Here’s how it all went down:

• About a month ago, I get a notice that my credit card on file for billing is going to expire in October, so I should update it.
• I go online to do so, and Paypal is recommended.  I thought “whoa, they take paypal now?”  I’ve been a paypal user since, oh, 1999 or so, and I use it all the time.  I like how I can use multiple funding sources AFTER it uses up my paypal balance.
• I get a confirmation that the new payment method has gone through. 
• Midnight on Labor Day (yesterday as I write this), all my email and domains stop working.  I have 132 domains and 149 mailboxes.
• I call in and Tech Support says “your domain is locked due to a billing issue”.  I say “well then let me talk to billing – I had just made a change from my old credit card to Paypal, so something’s messed up”.  They say “Due to the holiday, the billing department is closed.”

WHAT?!?!?!?  They can take actions such as locking an account but they can’t fix their own mistakes?

After I complain and escalate for a while, the guy tells me that there is something they can do to “bounce” or “retry” the account and I should wait 3 hours.  I ask if I should put my billing back to a normal credit card instead of paypal because maybe their paypal processing system is down.  I just want my domains back on.

He keeps informing me that the Billing Dept is down and that there’s nothing Tech Support can do to unlock the account.  This is so incredibly frustrating.  It’s like 1 & 1′s tech support is taught to just delay, hold people off for a couple of hours, or stall.  Lie if you have to.

I trusted him for a while but I was still down last night so I just went online and changed my account to normal credit card and WHAMMO, 3 hours later everything starts working again.

I hate liars.

ooooh!  and today I get an email asking me to take a survey for my customer support experience!