About the author.

Welcome to The blog of whall

Come on in and stay a while… laugh a little. Maybe even think. Read more...

Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

August
10
2009
12:30 pm
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Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, if you’re wise at all, don’t give her any crap

 

Received in email today, and slightly modified by me.

June
8
2007
12:03 pm
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Stolen from chelle

    Gas Prices OMG WTF LOL

February
19
2007
1:29 pm
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This is a loooong read, but still very funny.  If you can get through it, which I haven’t.  I’m more laughing at the concept and the first few scenes.

http://www.xenocorp.net/H_bardCorner/mpfotr_full.htm

What would be even better is if someone took this and made it into flash, and read it aloud, with funny python-ish British accents.  They could skip the Tom Bombadil portion as far as I’m concerned.

January
25
2007
2:17 am
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The population of this country is 300 million.

160 million are retired.

That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 40 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 15 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.

Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city governments.
 
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are, sitting on your butt, at your computer, reading blogs.

 

Nice. Real nice.

January
17
2007
12:23 am
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An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and grapefruit trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”

The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Moral: Old men can still think fast.

January
15
2007
12:02 pm
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The latest telephone poll taken by the office of the Governor of Texas asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem:

35% of respondents answered: “Yes, it is a serious problem.”

65% of respondents answered: “No es una problema serio.”

  
January
7
2007
6:13 pm
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Ok, this list is hilarious.

Top Star Wars Lines Improved by Replacing a Word with “Pants”

My fave’s:

  • I find your lack of pants disturbing.
  • I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
  • Governer Tarkin. I should have expected to find you holding Vader’s pants.
  • These aren’t the pants you’re looking for.
  • He has no time for smugglers who drop their pants first sign of Imperials.
  • Lock the door. And hope they don’t have pants.
  • You are part of the rebel alliance, and a traitor. Take her pants!
  • Judge me by my pants, do you?
  • Yousa tinken yousa people ganna wear pants??? -Jar Jar Binks
  • TK421, why aren’t you at your pants?

Ah, Star Wars.  Never dies.

December
22
2006
10:42 am
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There’s a list I’m on, and this small thread caught my eye. The response just stopped me in my tracks.  The post was on an astrology forum, and it was about investigating natal charts of serial killers.  In this case, it was about Steven Wright and you can read the stories here and here.

Anyway, the first poster puts up the alleged’d birthday and a short analysis (“a spoiled child in Bazi system it looks like”); I assume to start the discussion.

The only response I’ve seen so far is this one. 

 

wow.

 

December
21
2006
10:55 pm
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Just so’s I don’t offend no-one.

For my Conservative Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

For my Liberal Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

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