I have a relative who has a Prius.

You haven’t lived until you actually realize a car is driving up to you and you didn’t even hear it until the gravel crunches under its tires.  Man, that’s freaky. 

…but cool at the same time. I think it’s high-time we had electric vehicles (I had always imagined a car that ran on water, but electricity is still cool).  I still long for the Back to The Future-style floating skateboards (and cars of course), because I can totally see me tricking Biff into a truckload of manure.

You can’t see me in this picture, but I photoshopped myself onto the skateboard right behind the camera.  I look awesome in my life preserver jacket.  I also photoshopped Malorie in there with me because, well, she’s hot.

Anyway, Back To The Story, when I experienced the sensation of a huge car rolling up to me without any kind of engine sound, I instantly thought “I bet someone ends up faking the sound of an engine.”

And sure enough, this morning I hear on the radio something about safety concerns about hybrids and electric vehicles, and the fact that children might not hear them and end up getting squished.  I’m not sure of the details, but it sounded like someone was lobbying the car makers to make some artificial engine noise, and even have the sound increase along with the accelerator pedal.  You know.  For the Children.

I’m all for no-squish kids.  But fake engine noises?  Really?  Won’t we just be replacing real pollution with noise pollution?  Why can’t we just learn to live with silent cars and, oh I don’t know…. BE RESPONSIBLE FOR OURSELVES A LITTLE?!?!?!  Look, I can see having sensors that can notify the driver or even honk the horn or something, but constant noise doesn’t seem like a good answer to me.  You know what it seems like to me?  It seems like an answer someone came up with that is responsible for making the fake engine sound modules to sell to the auto manufacturers, and they happen to have a friend in the Legislature, and then they play the “it’s for the children” card and then we all pay for something that really wasn’t needed.

Anyway, Back To The Story II, I thought about ring tones.  Yeah!  RING TONES!  I figured – if we end up being forced by the government to pimp out our rides with noise makers, I might as well make a few bucks on it.  If we can put custom ring-tones on our cell phones, why not custom drive-tones on our cars?  I could make a website that sold custom driving ring tones for people’s cars and *SMACK* kiss the working day good-bye!

I’m sure NO-ONE HAS THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE.

So I go look. 

cartones.com: taken.  drivetones.com: taken.  electrictones.com: taken. drivertones.com: taken.  carrings.com: taken. carringtones.com: taken.  mobiletones.com: taken.  mobileringtones.com: taken.

Distraught, I take a break from the domain searches and try to compose myself.  I look out the window at the cars zooming by. I can hear them outside on Mo-Pac because, well, most of them are non-electric earth-killing death cars.  I close my eyes and imagine – what would I want to hear instead of pistons pumping and exhaust being spewed out into the sky?  What would *I* as a hybrid owner, want my car to sound like?  If I could choose any sound in the world…  what tone would I want to identify myself as when I drive up to someone. 

Just as a ringtone defines who I am when my phone rings, I would want to customize the sounds my car makes – not only when I’m driving and I revv up the engine, but also when I start the car.  When I’m idling.  When I stop the car.  When I’m walking up to it (it would sense my bluetooth-enabled iPhone).  When I want to honk at a cutie pie at the light.  When I want to honk at a jerk trying to fiddle with his car ring tones at the next light.

I GOT IT!

tonemycar.com: available?

Not any more! SUCKAS!

Now to make the website…. heh heh heh.  I’m already counting the money.

[time passes]

Anyway, Back to The Story III, anyone know how to make a website?