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Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

I am a wimp when it comes to “hot” stuff.

At least, that’s the impression I get when I’m around other people who suck on jalapenos, eat the hottest of the hot sauces, snack on habanero-laced cinnamon toothpicks and point at me laughing when I’m fanning my mouth, unable to speak and knocking everything off the table in an effort to find a cold drink to douse the fire I’ve just inadvertently consumed.  And that’s just with the “mild” picante laced with ketchup.

Oh stop it. I know you’re laughing out there.

There are other people out there who can’t have it hot ENOUGH.   You know the type – they ask for whatever 12-alarm menu item they have, taunting anyone who wants to challenge their ability to violate their own tongues in devious and obvious ways.  They sit there chugging  hatch chilis while wondering if there’s anything but water inside some bean filling, and “hey, you done with that burned out cigarette butt? I need something to tide me over until dinnerLight it back up, wouldja?”

Janna is one of those people.

In fact, she even wrote an entire blog post about how “Wayne is a Wuss” (I’m paraphrasing here.  She may not have been directing anything at me personally.  But she DOES have an entire blog category dedicated to painful eating.)

So I’m issuing the following challenge to her:

If Janna can come down to Texas and eat an entire Red Robin Burnin’ Love Burger in front of me, I’ll pay for it.

And by “it” I mean the burger, not the flight, hotel, taxes, rental car or art supplies.  I do promise to provide the camera and a lavish amount of DITL’ing.   Hopefully she won’t think this is a thinly veiled attempt at getting her to come down here and eat a meal with me, because we all know I don’t thinly veil anything.

Here’s a picture of said Red Robin burger:

In fact, for a limited time you can go to Red Robin’s main website and actually see a video of this abomination of a burger in exquisite detail.

I had to drink a pepsi just watching it.

January
11
2009
9:16 pm
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Sunday, 1/11 is Janna‘s birthday.  I sang a little impromptu Happy Birthday song to her on utterli.  You should too!  Just do a reply to my utter – you can do text, sound, video or even draw a picture and upload it.   You’ll be Internet Famous!  You might get a recording contract!  Chances are slim that you will get acne from the experience!  Win-win!

Let’s make her “turning 39” event as multimedia-enriched as possible. 

If you don’t want to create an utterli account, you could just reply here in the comments.  Oh, and you can also go to Janna-Mart and purchase something for yourself to celebrate her birthday.  I have, and I haven’t regretted it yet.  Then again, that might be because I’m just 38, and not senile yet, like Janna. 

Or you could do the kind-of lame thing and go to HER blog entry about her birthday and wish her well.  But I might not get credit if you did it that way, so if you want to be all selfish and stuff, go right ahead.  Who am I to get in the way of someone who doesn’t think of other people?

At some point Tuesday morning on the way to work, I started hearing some flapping sounds from my rear left tire.  The faster I went, the faster the flapping.  Flap-flap-flap.  I thought maybe I ran over some plastic bag or something that wrapped itself or connected to the tire and it was hitting the wheel well.  I wasn’t sure what it was.  

So it kept flapping.  As I stopped at a light, the flap-flap-flap would slow to a crawl and stop with me.  I peered into my drivers-side rear-view mirror to see if I could see anything.  I told the mirror to move via the little joystick doohicky and that didn’t help.

I looked over to a road neighbor or two on my left hand side to see if anyone noticed anything untoward on my car.  Nothing.  I stuck out my tongue at them for their non-help.

So I pulled over and looked. I even tried to time the flap-flap….flap such that whatever was flapping would be on top and be visible.  I didn’t see anything immediately and so I kept going because, well, I’m impatient sometimes.  GET ON TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH ALREADY!

Once I got to work, I checked more thoroughly and there was some hard round substance right there on the tire.  It felt like very hard gum and thought “wow, that’s weird”.  So I started picking at it and then realized… “That’s no moon.  That’s a Space Station.”

Now that I was coming full-face onto the realization that it was some kind of bolt or nail stuck in my tire, I thanked my lucky stars that the immediate visions I had of the tire exploding right there as I picked at the nail head and the bolt racing to my eyes or throat fortunately did NOT come true.  I didn’t even burst a jugular or anything!

So what did I do? I went on with my day.  I drove and drove… drove some more… probably drove 40 miles and then went to bed.  Ignoring problems frequently pays off in the short-term.

In my dreams…. Flap-flap-flap.  Always flapping.  Knowing that it’s probably gonna cost a ton of money to replace the tire and you know what? I’m not made of money.  So I slept on it some more and went into Lamb’s Tire and Auto the next morning on the way to work.

Fortunately (I’m a lucky person, did you know that?) I had bought Road Hazard on the tires so they fixed it up for free.  I was envisioning $200 a tire and you have to buy them in pairs, doncha know, and then they’d find some axle rose problem and I’d need a new trunk stabilizer and of course some “gasket” in the glove box was probably leaking fluid everywhere.

Nope.  I got out of there for $28 for the inspection I was overdue on and even got to keep the bolt as a souvenir.

So, wanna see the size of this thing?

What’s the largest thing ever caught in your tire?  Got any good flat tire stories I could use next time I need a good excuse, like when I’m trying to say why it took me six months to send Janna the book she won?  Or that I could give the other winners I’ve procrastinated on?

October
14
2008
11:45 am
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I’m stuffed.

Imitation

They say “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”  They usually say that when they copy your stuff.

But in this case, it’s true! I’m flattered!  NYCWD gave a “nod of the blog” my way when he created a non-cereal-wednesday video called Night In The Life, or NITL.  Although, for some reason, the links he made to my vlog series don’t seem to work in my browser, I checked the source and the link to me is there nonetheless.  I confirmed that the link works in IE 7 but not in Google Chrome.  Weird.

The video is pretty good too – informative AND entertaining.  I should work on the informative part, and probably the entertaining aspect too.

Here it is for your viewing pleasure:



Get WHALL soon

One of my favoritetest bloggers I haven’t met yet but I’m certain I’ll find a way to before I die is Janna.  Evidently, she’s so cool she actually has three blogs, not just one.  She has Jannaverse, Jantics and Jantrails.  Right now I only read the first one listed because it has more of her name in it.  OVer time, I’m sure I’ll ease into the other forms of Jannaddiction.

I was NOT feeling well last week, and actually ended up with strep.

So what does Janna do?  Make fun of me?  Kick me while I’m down?  Declare me unfit to be qualified to run as President because I’m not a natural-born citizen?  No!

She makes and then sends me a “get whall soon” card.  

Ahhhh.  and Awwwww.  

Wait a second.  I look sick in all of those pictures.

Best of LOLcats

 

 

 

 

 

We have the most risque VLOG from Wayne yet.   Don’t believe me?  Just watch.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you though.

wayne's 3-minute ditl day in the life

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