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Welcome to The blog of whall

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Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

It’s been almost a month since my last MISC posting.  MISC me much?

Land’s End giveaway!

The ever-so-hawt-avatar BlondeBlogger is giving away a choice of three really cool items from Land’s End: Cashmere Tee Sweater, Men’s Regular Down Vest, and Sleeping Bag Sets.  There are several ways to enter the contest, and I’m doing all four (4)!  

There’s only one downside to this contest.  Unfortunately, if you choose the prize on the far left, you only get the Tee Sweater.  You do not (I repeat – DO NOT) get the camera or the Blonde.  It took me 2 hours of searching the fine print, six phone calls to Land’s End, and a fax to my state Senator to find out this disappointing news.

Good luck to everyone who is me!

Estate Planning

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.”‘

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and five days later, she became his stepmother.

The lesson: Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

Best of LOLcats

Yes, many of you MISC’ed these a lot.  I’m here to deliver a steady dose of LOLcats – in fact, I checked and by far the highest search term that got people to my blog this last month was LOLcats.

I will leave analysis of the other terms to the imagination of the reader.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October
16
2008
2:23 pm
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Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.  Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.  He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.  Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to link to it or comment and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crummy day and kneads a lift.

** an oldie but a goodie

September
6
2007
4:31 pm
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I’m behind in a lot of things.  I have Fri and Mon off for personal vacation and still a ton of things to finish before then.  So there are two things I’d like to mention that have to do with me backing out.

The first “back out” is that last night, we (our IT team) were going to do a MAJOR code upgrade on the four (4) clusters of firewall/vpn/ids/ips/av units we have at our four main campuses across the US – Texas, California x 2, Washington.  One of the guys I work with did most of the planning and prep work, but it’s still a huge undertaking.  It’s not just firewall rules, bugs and network configs we have to check and watch closely, it’s also the NAT mappings, traffic shaping, IPSEC vpn rules, routes and a hundred other things that can go wrong with a major upgrade.

For the technically inclined, we were going from 2.8 code family on the Fortinet line to the 3.0 family, running on clustered 500A devices.

Anyway, I love that we have good backout plans.  After 1.5hrs, we weren’t where we needed to be, so we backed out.  This is a good thing because it was easy to revert to original setup.  Not-so-good is that we have to wait probably at least a week for a good time to do the upgrade again.

The second “back out” is that I’m going to recycle some old humor in this post.  I’m backing out of actually making an original post.  This came to me in my inbox recently and I thought it worth sharing.

Click for the rest because it goes past my idea of PG-rated material.

(more…)

Yay!  I actually am now in the DOUBLE DIGITS with my weekly series of Stuff you don’t want to MISC.  That’s pretty big for me because I’m real good at starting things (and honestly meaning to continue them) but things just don’t always stay in my mind.  Like exercising, or weekly series, or paying bills.  Breathing, I’m good at.  So I feel like this is a pretty good accomplishment for me.


Star Wars Cantina

My brother-in-law sent this to me from his paper’s blogs, and I had heard the song before, but this little montage is great.

Favorite line: “His name was Yoda – he was a muppet…”  Brilliant!


Have to summarize the LOLcats

I just can’t get enough LOLcats on ICHC.  Here are my faves for the week.

lolcats let go

lolcats money in bowl for jesus

LOLcats omg ware his eye goes

lolcats dude smell this


Tips for multiplying large numbers on paper

This guy has a GREAT little system for dealing with large numbers when you need to multiply them.  I wish I would have learned it as a youth.  Today’s kids really have it easy.  Put a comment in with your tips and tricks with math.


Grandma’s Birth Control Pills

This doctor had been seeing an 80 year old woman for most of her life.  He finally retired.  At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all her medications that had been prescribed for her.  As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.  “Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?”

“Yes, they help me sleep at night.”  “Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep.” She reached out and patted the young doctor’s knee.

“Yes, dear, I know that.  But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks………………..and believe me, it helps me sleep at night.”

March
22
2007
7:54 am
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Head over to Michelle’s Absudist at Large blog and read the funny lawyer transcripts.  Many I had seen before, but some of these were new to me. 

My fave’s include

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh….

Go and read more

March
15
2007
6:30 am
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I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

  • A half-gallon of 2% milk
  • A carton of eggs
  • A quart of orange juice
  • A head of romaine lettuce
  • A 2 lb. can of coffee
  • A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.”

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?”

The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

March
1
2007
10:59 am
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  • During your initial consultation, he tries to sell you Amway.
  • He tells you his last good case was a “Budweiser”
  • When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
  • He picks the jury by playing “Duck-duck-goose.”
  • During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.
  • A prison guard is shaving your head..
  • Every couple of minutes, he yells “I call Jack Daniels to the stand!” and downs a shot.
  • He frequently gives juror number 4 the finger.
  • He places a large “NO REFUNDS” sign on the defense table.
  • He begins his closing with “As Ally McBeal once said…”
  • Just before he says “Your Honor”, he makes little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
  • The sign in front of his office reads “Practicing law since 2:30pm”.
  • Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge “Whatever.”
  • He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs”.

You know, I giggle every time I hear the word “briefs.”  What’s so wrong with that?

February
20
2007
7:29 am
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July 20, 1969 , as commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
 
His first words after stepping on the moon, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,” were televised to earth and heard by millions.

But just before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark: “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.”

Many people at NASA though it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space program over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky… statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. 

On July 5, 1995 , in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded.

Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

In 1938 when he was a kid in a small midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.  His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor’s yard by the bedroom windows. 

His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. as he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, 

“Sex!  You want sex?!  You’ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”
 

February
12
2007
2:49 pm
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Dear Abby: 

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything.  What’s worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me.  It is so humiliating. 

Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn’t even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and BS with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.
 
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn’t even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do? 

                                            Signed: Clueless


Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don’t need him anymore.  You’re a United States Senator from New York.  Act like one. 
 

February
12
2007
9:49 am
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Ahhhhhwwwhwhwhwhwhwwww.  That was a niiiice stretch.  You see, I took this long blog vacation with all the money I got from unclaimed funds and I’m just getting back.  I missed blogging; I really did. 

During my blog vacation I went to California on business – we got some great things going on at MegaPath, and we’ve had a number of press releases (1, 2, 3) showing our new products, important deals and whatnot.  We also had an awards dinner for our sales force where they announce the winners of the 2006 “President’s Club” and give a sneak preview of next year’s spot for President’s Club.  That club, like at many organizations with a strong focus on sales, is reserved for the absolute top performers and rewards them with anywhere from 3-5 days of a great time for them and their spouse.  Some places call it Top Gun or 100% Club or any number of monikers indicating the best of the best.  One cool thing about my company is that although the celebration and award is sales-focused, they extend eligibility out to the operational centers, so that one person from each of the various supporting groups gets awarded.  These are the folks who _helped_ the sales organization the most or had highest customer satisfaction, or anything else. 

I’ve also started a Color Diet, which I’ve been blogging about an a very very long extended entry that I may post early, but it’s a 45-day thing, so I’m kinda hoping for some results before putting the regimen up here.  Stay tuned for that one.

 

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