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Welcome to The blog of whall

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Hi, This is Wayne. This is my site, my stuff, my blog, blahblahblah. The site itself is powered by WordPress and the Scary Little theme. I thought it was cool, and I still do.

First of all, whoa.

WHOA.

Did you guys love all these guest posts as much as I did? I’ve half a mind to stop blogging myself and just get 20-30 people to commit to one guest post per month and just have them write for me.

Who’s with me!!!!!??

The side benefit to this master scheme is that, as you probably have noticed yourself, these bloggers end up writing BETTER material when they guest post than the stuff they normally put on their own blogs.

What? Isn’t this a reverse roast?

As LeSombre would say, Quel Frommage.

Let’s recap a little.

First, Dave2 from Blogography teed things off by actually making a BAD WAYNKEY!  He cleverly embedded it into a intolerance-based liberally biased anti-establishment fascist piece of propaganda disguised as a comic, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.  He even published an extended Behind The Scenes edition, only this time, with less New Kids On The Block shrines.

Then BlondeBlogger came by and deposited into the bank of whall a series of 10 questions and the readers were to pick which 5 were true.  The winner, Ren, supposedly gets “have a date with Whall at the LOLCat headquarters.”  I’ll pre-emptively accept his withdrawal from the contest.  I got another true statement: BB is hot.  Just look!

After BB came Hilly, aka snackiepoo.  She was able to conform to the strict Puritan values my blog espouses (yeah, right [bleepitybleeper!]) and bring on the Weird Science for us all.  She also pointed out all of our differences.  Thanx for that (WTF Hilly, you ride donkeys?!?!?).  But she did point out our commonalities- I do love the 80’s, I do have a great heart, and I LOVE TWEETING AND BLOGGING.

Then it got all serious-like.  Miss Britt infected my blog with Obamfluenza H1N1.  I had to go into quarantine and everything!  Usually, any given type of flu has an incubation period anywhere from 72 hours to 7 days, but evidently if one drinks the kool-aid fast enough, he or she can be overcome within minutes, afflicted with such symptoms as incredulous mysterious adulation towards public figures, radical socialist views, and a shrieking voice when debating (or so I’ve heard).  After watching 15+ minutes of Funny Obama, even *I* started experiencing my own symptoms of tolerance, acceptance and open-mindedness.  Fortunately for me I was able to purchase a new copy of Atlas Shrugged while on vacation, which is a common antidote for apathy-inducing liberalism.  WHEW!

And then?  YES!  YESSSSSSSS!  OMG YES!  No, I’m not having an episode. I’m still reeling from the awesome YES-laden guest post from Mr Shiny.  Here’s what I don’t get about Shiny – he’s undoubtedly one of the top 3 funniest, wittiest, smartest bloggers I’ve ever had the pleasure to read.  He’s absolutely brilliant.  I mean, there are bloggers out there I enjoy to read, but Shiny’s posts make me laugh out loud.  But he hardly gets any comments!  Even his guest post for me had the fewest comments out of all the guest posters.  I just don’t understand that.  It’s almost as if his posts are so good people find themselves unworthy to comment.   His LOLyes pictures were awesome, especially for huge YES fans such as myself.   And Shiny? I’d love to hear the Leave It track… I’m thinking of doing one too so maybe we can team up on that idea sometime.

Ren from Renagerie.com followed up the Amazing Mr Shiny with a clever new take on LOLcats, my blog and made something unique – WHALL-anti-cats.  He took photos he had of me over our 10yr friendship and captioned them with actual blog post titles from my blog.  And WOW.  He did nineteen (19) lolcaptionblogtitlethingies!  I think my favorite in the series is “an’ you’ll be poppin, lickin and breakin in no time…”  And yes, it’s all about the dorkiness of Wayne.

*content sigh*.  Then Poppy came to my blog and made it aww bettaw.  It wuz so pwehshush!  She whalljacked my blog and made an eccentric vlog with one of the sexiest coolest overdub narration voices you’ll ever hear.  And I think some rap.  And something about “Dirty Wayne” which is almost as nice sounding as I expect “Naughty Wayne” would sound like.  Thank you Poppy.  Thank you for the YES tie-in, the voiceover and the awesomeness you gave my blog.  And something about a lollipop in it or something.

What guest post whallstravaganza would be complete without a fatwha?  Faiqa from Native Born, aka Supreme Magistrate of All Things Wise, Prudent and Being Generally Better Than Everyone Else Without Even Trying of the NBLA, unleashed the NBLA’s demands on the world when they actually DID whalljack me with normal and just atypically terroristic and extremist demands.  I’m so glad they did. You will pay for your insolence.  I have seen the error of my ways.  Chuck Norris is gonna go all up in your face and roundhouse kick every turban off every extremist muslim head.  I’ve corrected my behavior and even built a time machine, went back in time, and put in TWO votes for Barack Obama just to make sure.  With just one roundhouse kick. I’m so glad my eyes have been opened. Blindfolded.  Please forgive me for my past.  And then LOLcaption it.  Sincerely, Marmontiansese Nbyuti Barack Hussein Obama (tongue click) W. Hall whall.  PS: May I express my fondness for your aesthetic qualities? My lord, you’re hot.

The final instwhallment of the guest post gala was performed by Mr Avitable.  From Avitable.com.  His last name is Avitable.  He doesn’t like it pronounced Avitable, he prefers it Avitable.  It can be a littable difficult to fittable the right syllables befittable such an iminitable Avitable, but it’ll make the fiddle knittable, said the quittable riddle in the middle.  I think I need to make this whole thing DITLable.  Now does everyone know how to pronounce Avitable?  Good. Now to his blog post.  He copied Faiqa.  End of story.  NEXT!

All in all, I think it was a quality showing.  I don’t know about you, but I’m already looking forward to my next vacation!

PS: Who was your favorite? I’ve been looking to start up some drama around here to drive up traffic, so which one did you hate and which on pwned the others?

Which guest posts were your favorites

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PS#2: The “Part V” in the title is a little secret.  Can anyone guess what it’s in reference to?

Hey there, my name is Hilly (snackiepoo, if you’re nasty) from Snackie’s World!  Most people who know me have heard of The PRB, my love for cupcakes, my incessant need to [bleeping] swear, my love for all things 80’s and uh…Snackie Sunday.  (Oh and the fact that I say “uh” just as much as I say [bleep]).  When Whallypoo asked me to guest post, I have to admit that I was extremely hesitant.  As much as I love Wayne and think he’s a [bleeping] amazing guy?  We don’t have many things in common.

For example, my favorite word is [bleepitybleepingbleeperbleeper] and Wayne doesn’t like to swear.  Hrm, or at least he doesn’t [bleeping] allow it on his blog.  As you can see, I’ve come up with a way to keep my “flavor” intact while still respecting his stinking wishes.  I’m sorta awesome like that.  Also?  Wayne likes to ride the elephant whereas I’m quite partial to the donkey.  In fact, I lean over so far left that I sometimes fall *off* of my donkey.  Hrm, what else?  Wayne is a family man through and through whereas I’m trying to figure out a way to date as many hot [bleeping] studs as possible once my divorce is final. Wayne also loves those [bleeping] LOL Cats.  [Bleep], he even creates his own!  If there is one Internet phenomenon that I cannot stand it is those [God bleeped, bleeping] LOL Cats.  They aren’t clever.  People may *think* they are being clever but no, you’re raping the English language, thanks.  (I think “raping” is not really a swear word so it stays).

Even with all of these differences between us, Wayne and I get along.  We share a love for blogging, tweeting and doing little things for others without thinking twice.  Wayne has a great heart and a great soul…because of that we remain friendly.  I have to believe, in my heart of hearts, that Wayne loves the 80’s just as much as I do.  He’s about my age and he knows the importance of a good era…or so I think.  [Bleep], I could be way off base here but whatever, this works in the context of achieving the best segue like…evar!  The thing about the 80’s is that it was my time…my formative years.  The movies of those days shaped me into this [bleeping] fantasticness that I am today!

Now that I’ve bored you, it’s time for…ws
WHICH MOVIE OR ACTOR “TAKES YOU BACK”?

Now then, some of you are young chickens…I get that.  Also, some of you are old-[bleep] chickens and I can dig that too.  With that being said, the movie or actor that “takes you back” to your formative years could be something out of a whole time frame where I never got a chance to groove.  So yeah, just pick your movie, your actor and get the [bleep] on with it.  Wayne and I don’t explain ourselves.  We’re doers…we’re too cool for school…we assume you’re as smart as we are.  Eh, we may be [bleeping bleepbags].

Oh wait, my answer!  Ha!  Any of the John Hughes films take me back and help me feel like I am young again.  My favorite film of that era is Weird Science.  In fact, I can recite that movie line for line but uh, I won’t because that is hella obnoxious.  (Hella is a surfer word, not really a swear word.)  What’s interesting about the actors from that movie is that when I see Robert Downey Jr. in movies, I’m not taken back at all.  Hrm, maybe because he’s made such a great career for himself?  However, whenever I see Anthony Michael Hall, I’m immediately quoting Farmer Ted or saying things like, “You’re absolutely right, Chet…you’re absolutely right!”.  Even when I watched The Dead Zone, I still felt all warm and tingly inside just knowing that I was watching Anthony Michael Hall!

Anywhalldle, it’s totally your [bleepingbleepingbleepbleepingbleep] turn!

Long Duck Dong Kisses,
Hilly

December
2
2008
2:39 pm
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First, don’t forget to PREDICTIFY how many text-messages my 14yr-old daughter had on her last month’s cell phone bill for your chance to win your choice of $10 gift certificate.  Contest is open until this Friday.

Now, onto today’s banality.

I saw this on Twitter just now (don’t know what Twitter is? I’ve written about it a few times

And then I saw Snackiepoo’s reply:

so I figured… maybe I should check out my “follow cost“.  

And?  I’m still in the dark as to what this really means.  Let me think a little bit.  7.  12.  7 point 8 oh.  twelve point six-five.  milliscobles.  hmmm.  *scratches head*

Wait a second.  It says “last 100 updates”.  Does that mean I’m going to die!??!?!  GAH!

OHHH! That “per day” down there probably means something.  I think it means “updates per day”.  Ok, that helps.  WOW I can’t believe I average 12 updates per day for last 100 updates (8 days I guess).  That does seem a little annoying.  Or it would if it were measuring updates from people OTHER than me.

I’m thinking it would be cool if the Twitter interface (I use twhirl) could tell you this info when you decide to follow.

One thing I DON’T like are those tools that require you to enter in your twitter username and password because to me – they’re just too dangerous.  Fortunately this one doesn’t require a username and password to get your info, and even when you select “tweet your follow cost”, it does The Right Thing and brings you to twitter.com’s page with a pre-filled tweet box.  Way to go, guys!

I’ve already changed my password a few times after getting lulled into some seemingly “cool” new toy and then realizing “DUH!”  They probably are just gathering twitter usernames and passwords, and THEN they can store that password, then monitor your activity, then later on try that password on your blog, your work accounts, your bank accounts, anything and everything since it’s possible you use the same password for something else.

Yeah, I’m a little paranoid.  In fact, I wonder if YOU’RE even reading this.  You could be a robot for all I know.

October
13
2008
12:06 am
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Today I’m guest posting over at Robin’s blog called Road Less Unraveled.  Take a gander and what passes for a guest post nowadays.  

I should warn you – I’m not a guest posting veteran of any kind – I’ve only done a couple before.  

My first was for Snackiepoo (with a baseball analogy to help you along) and my second (not safe for anyone because yes, I actually cuss) was for The Absurdist.  I owe about thirty guest posts to various people, so this guest post for Robin is my first “payment” on that debt.

Those of you who have guest posts coming can cancel at any time based on the available samples.

You know, sometimes I do my Sunday post on Mondays Tuesdays because Sundays and Mondays don’t always work for me and vice versa.

I have no idea what the previous sentence meant.  I can not be held responsible for the rest of this post.  Proceed at your own risk.


Blog Talk Radio

Blog Talk Radio 

I listened to my first two BTR shows ever – Hilly’s inaugural show and Fab’s show.  I was a litle bit of an outcast because I didn’t listen to the show from my computer – I actually called in to listen, which seemed to throw both hosts for a loop.   They were all… “what’s going on? someone’s called in already! are they STUPID?!?!? what do they think they’re doing? What’s this with a ‘512’ area code? do they only have stupid people in wherever-that-is?” and I was all… “duh, I’m calling in to listen, because I’m like, not at a computer, like, and I don’t really feel like talking on your show, I’m like doing other stuff and can’t spend my time sitting at the computer you know, like dude, gimme a break.

Hilly’s show was largely big brother work frustrations and hypothetical marijuana possession.  Fab’s was largely how not to get infected with “the gay”, Tiffany vs Debbie Gibson and pimping out Jester‘s band.  I hear you can go and listen to archives of the show, but I will say that you probably don’t want to play the show on speakers at work, if you know what I mean. (hint: this means there is some evidence of potty mouth.)


Reminder: vote for MY LOLcats

Send me to Vegas!  Vote for any (and all!) of my LOLcat submissions in the “whoever gets the most votes goes to Vegas” contest.  It’s going on for almost a whole month, and I’m already behind.  I think I’ll pimp myself out with a banner later today or tomorrow…

And to make it easier, here are all the links to my lolcat submissions – in general, click on the link, wait for the image to come up, and click on the right-most cheeseburger just above the picture.  Close the browser and go to the next one.  Tell your friends! (PS: thanx Avi, Dawg, Absurdist and everyone else who pointed people my way!).  Oh, and if you only have time for one or two, please vote for the ones with *’s on them.


Pepsistuff

Speaking of pimping myself out , I think I’m gonna go all Jerry Lewis on you.

jerry lewis waynathon

We have celebrities manning the phones and watching the email inboxes – SEND IN YOUR PEPSISTUFF DONATIONS TODAY – for tomorrow may be too late.  Somewhere near you, there’s a Wayne that doesn’t have as many Pepsistuff points as he could have.  Do you really want to be thinking about that as you fall asleep tonight?  Get the sleep you deserve by donating your Pepsipoints today; we will find a deserving Wayne who can use them.

Johnny, what’s our total so far?

pepsistuff points

Folks, I know we can do better than that.  Whatever you’re doing – stop and take a moment and think of that Wayne in your life.  Do you want him to go without his much needed Pepsistuff points tonight?  Won’t you take a few seconds out of your busy day and find the Pepsistuff link on the right side of the page, and email your points to him at the address listed?  Do it today.  Do it for Wayne.   Do it for the children.

Johnny, who are our sponsors?  Tell the nice people where they can find Pepsistuff points

Hi folks. This is Johnny.  Mr. Lewis over there is a little loopy today but he is doing it for a good cause.  You can find Pepsistuff points on 20oz, 24oz, 1 liter, 2 liter, 8-packs, 12-packs, 24-packs and fountain cups of Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Caffeine Free Pepsi, Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi, Pepsi One, Wild Cherry Pepsi, Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi, Diet Pepsi Max, Diet Pepsi Lime, Pepsi Lime, Diet Pepsi Vanilla, Mountain Dew, Diet Mountain Dew, Mug Root Beer, Orange Slice, Jazz Black Cherry French Vanilla, Jazz Caramel Cream, and Jazz Strawberries and Cream.

Johnny, do we have any celebrity acts lined up?  No?  Oh wait, we do?  What do you mean we have some kid who just wants wayne to have Pepsistuff points? That’s not gushy enough!  What?  You say he’s a handicapped Nicaraguan kid with a lisp?  Well, that’s a little bit closer, but… what?  He’s blind in one eye, AND he’s an albino?  Hmm, that might be worth it.. Say again?  He’s Gay?  WELL THEN SHOOT YEAH LET’S GET HIM ON!

Jerry: Heya kid, how ya doin?
Half-blind albino gay handicapped Nicaraguan kid with a lisp: Ahm doin okay I guethhh.
Jerry: So, what brings you here on this fine Tuesday?
HBAGHNKWAL: You thee, my brother; he puthhed my wheelchair.
Jerry: Hey, that’s great.  Say, you gonna do anything for utthh, I mean us, today?
HBAGHNKWAL: Yethh I wath going to thay a haiku for all you fine folkthhh.
Jerry: What?  A Haiku?  What the heck is a haiku?  Oh never mind, just do your haiku and thanks for being on the show

HBAGHNKWAL:
Crippled Albino
Blind Gay Nicauraguan Kid;
Pepthithtuff for Wayne

Jerry: Is that it?  That’s what a haiku is? That’s stupid.  Get off my stage.
HBAGHNKWAL: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa! you hurt my feelingth!


Best of LOLcats

You know I only give you the best each week.

lolcats your turn how about never

 

lolcats it not been all day

 

lolcats eye of the tiger

 

and for you Monty Python fans…

lolcats farts in your general direction

August
17
2007
9:14 pm
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We all mature and learn important things in life’s journey.  Some of it has to do with motor skills, others have to do with finances, some with relationships, some with family.  They each have milestones – for example with finances you might get to the point where you save enough to buy your own toy.  You get your first report card money.  Other milestones include getting your own checking account, writing your first check, getting your first credit card, buying your first house, bouncing your first check, getting your first late fee, declaring your first bankruptcy, embezzling your first million, etc.

Blogging also has its milestones.  Today I got to 3rd base with blogging.   

1st base

You get to 1st base by having your own blog.  Some people TOTALLY mess this up – they start a post or two and then forget about it.  Or they let months go by with no attention.  Maybe they’re boring; maybe they’re too personal.  Maybe they get upset because there’s not a lot of return interest in their blog (why is no-one paying attention to me! I’m witty and personable DAMMIT!)  But you gotta realize, when you don’t have any real instruction, diving into 1st base with no help is like drowning in the slickest quicksand you’ve ever seen.

2nd base

People who have a little experience (or who grope in the dark) know what it’s like to be at second base – getting people other than yourself to comment.  This is a wonderful time in your blogging youth, where you feel validated, exhilarated and PUMPED UP.  Your heart races because right there, RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, is a real-live comment.  Someone not only read what you wrote, but they participated!  You’re no longer going at this alone – you have a partner.  That one partner quickly increases to two, then three, then after a while you lose count.  And, doncha know it, once you’ve had one commenter, you search in earnest for your next.  And the next.  And after while, you expect the commenting on a regular basis, and when you go without some for a bit, you begin to feel neglected.

3rd base

Guest-posting for someone else’s blog is 3rd base.  This is hitting the big time, and a lot of people never make it here in their entire lives (poor things).  While you can sometimes “steal” 1st or 2nd base, you generally can’t get to 3rd base without a willing partner.  And having multiple partners really livens things up.  This is why I’m so excited – I’ve made it!  And those who know Hilly know that I didn’t do too shabby either – she’s quite the hook-up.  Some people also count others guest posting for you as 3rd base, and if the blog-ebrity is large enough, it can count.  For example, if I got Scott Adams (creator of Dilbert) to guest post for me, that’s like the best 3rd base ever.

I’ll leave it to the reader’s imagination to determine the appropriate analogy for Home Run, but to give you an idea, Dave2 is a gigolo.

Thanx Hilly!  I’ll always remember you as “my first”.


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